Anyone else not ever orgasm?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sallyT, Jun 12, 2007.

  1. sallyT

    sallyT New Member

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    :( I have truly never orgasmed, I gave up on sex and feel like such an odd ball.
    I have tried masterbating maybe twice and I just don't feel a thing and feel silly. I joined this forum hoping to talk to someone who has been in my shoes.

    Everytime I hear someone complain how they can only cum one time really makes me:mad because I feel there so lucky to even know what an orgasm is,I really wished I felt like a complete woman.

    I'll stop my post is just getting to depressing.

    Anyone else go through this?
     
  2. sallyT

    sallyT New Member

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    :cry I guess I'm the only one, exactly why I feel like such an oddball, it's very depressing:(
    I was watching a tv show the othere day with about 5 or 6 women talking about all aspects of sex, and I litirally had tears in my eyes, I just feel almost like a failure if that makes sense, I'll go have a pity party by myself:(
     
  3. On_Top

    On_Top New Member

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    You're not alone. I've never cummed either.
     
  4. aquaman

    aquaman New Member

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    when you are masturbating are you "hitting the right spot" either clitoral stimulation or via the g-spot internally?
     
  5. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    SallyT

    I felt so much for your posting as it sounded so sad and very genuine.

    So here’s a few words from a 42 year old humble male:

    Your profile suggests that you are 36 years of age.

    You said that you have given up on sex and masturbated maybe twice.

    Am I right to understand that you have had not much experience with sexual intimacy, both on a solo front and/or with a loving partner?

    I’m going to assume so for my remaining comments:

    Firstly please do not give up on your need to experience orgasm.

    I believe that every person on planet earth has the ability to orgasm.

    YOU too have that ability but haven’t yet discovered the button/situation to trigger it.

    Some people find it difficult to let go emotionally due to previous upbringing experiences, that might make sexual intimacy feel like something wrong.

    Some people simply need to experiment more in a totally relaxed environment to discover what really turns them on.

    My advice to you would be to try self stimulation again and often.

    When masturbating, trust me there is no need at all to feel silly. Focus your mind on any sexy events or images that you have experienced.

    Seriously consider buying a bullet type vibrator that you can rub against your clitoris. I bought my wife one of these early into our marriage, and boy that brings her off in no time.

    And she was a girl that prior to meeting myself had never masturbated or had an orgasm. She too initially told me that the idea of masturbation felt silly and even worthless.

    Finally, you need to think positively and definitely you are not a failure.

    Positive thoughts and actions can, and will resolve your situation.
     
  6. Shy Girl

    Shy Girl New Member

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    I just overcame not being able to get off a few months ago.

    After being sexually active for 8 years, no one (including myself) was ever able to get me off through any manner. A few months ago I really started researching, and I learned that I had to spend some time alone with myself, and get comfortable with that area and explore by touching.

    My guy still hasn't gotten me off yet, although he's come very close, but I can get myself off nearly every time now and it's great!

    Don't give up!
     
  7. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Well said Shy girl.

    You said in a few words what I attempted to say in a lot of words!

    As you say, Don't Give Up!
     
  8. sallyT

    sallyT New Member

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    Brad I appreciate your response very much! Prior to my husand I've been with 4 other men, and it's all the same at first it seems really exciting and eventually it turns into a chore. I have been married for 9 years, it's to the point that we may have sex every 6 months, I think he finally gave up on me.:(

    When it comes to masterbating I just can't get arroused, maybe it is all mental or hormonal. When I touch my clit I get everything but arroused, it hurts,it's to sensitive but not in a good way, hmm to explain it I'll compare it , it's kind of like getting your eye poked, ouch.

    Shy girl your post give me hope.:bow

    Aguaman yes the 2 times that I have masterbation, I tried stimulating my clit, even when I have gotten it stimulated from a partner I just can't seem to get arroused.

    Do you guys think I may need some kind of counseling ?
     
  9. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    DO you think you need a counselor? We don't know too much about you to know if that is needed for you or not.

    I agree with what has been said...Do not give up and try a vibrator. It will help put you over the edge in no time.. You might also want to consider doing this alone at first so you do get to know your girly parts. You mentioned feeling silly when doing it...If this is always going to be your frame of mind then chances are you will not ever get yourself aroused.
     
  10. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    First thing I would do, if I were in your shoes, is talk to my doctor about a possible hormonal imbalance that could be causing lack of arousal. Secondly, if the tests come back normal, yes, I would absolutely look into counseling. You've suffered with this long enough...it's high time to find out what's going on and enlist some assistance. Best wishes to you :) Keep us updated, 'kay?
     
  11. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    First of all you go to learn to love yourself. Your partner probably never gave up on you, hes just frustrated that he cant make you cum. I was because I couldnt make my girl cum before. Maybe clit stimulation isnt for you? Not every girl prefers clit stimulation, in fact its true that some are more sensitive then others, just like some guys penises are sensitive or completely numb. Maybe you should try to get your husband to perform a come hither motion and rub inside about 2 inches in and up. And see if that gets you going? Remember if you do wanna rub the clit you have to get aroused first, or you may hurt it if its to dry!

    Dont give up. Please
     
  12. Jet Ranger

    Jet Ranger New Member

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    You're Not Alone

    My wife has a similar problem not being able to achieve orgasm. She had a sexually repressed upbringing and almost never achieves orgasm during intercourse. I don't know if she masturbates or not--she never admits to it and she has shown no serious interest in getting a vibrator. I thought about surprising her with one as a gift, but I fear it may upset her and she might not even ever try it.

    She looks much younger than her age, but has significant self-confidence issues and she's never really been comfortable with her body and her sexuality. She doesn't even like being nude in my presence except during sex. Occasionally, she will let me finger her clit and sometimes she will achieve orgasm that way, though it's seldom. At first, she guided my finger to a point which gave her maximum pleasure and I learned to find that spot when she allows me to finger her. It's been very frustrating for me because I can almost always easily achieve orgasm during intercourse, but she seems unfulfilled and sex becomes just a mechanical event for her to please me.

    I feel really bad that my wife doesn't really enjoy sex and I imagine a great majority of men in my situation feel the same way. My wife talked about her physical issues with her gynecologist (a female) and that seemed to help her somewhat.

    My wife seems to need and want to get emotional intimacy first to get reassured that I love her and to get her relaxed. Getting aroused seems to come more easily for her that way. You and your husband need to explore to find out what makes you feel good, both physically and psychologically, but don't hesitate to consult your gynecologist if you think you might have a physical problem.

    Your husband may not have given up on you, but if he really loves you, he probably doesn't want to force physical intimacy on you if it makes you feel that uncomfortable. We went through an extended period where we seldom had sex and it was detrimental to our relationship.

    Don't give up--we continue to work through our issues, too.
     
  13. sallyT

    sallyT New Member

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    Actually now that you mention this, my husband has tried this and I actually do enjoy this but he normally moves to something else after a few minutes. With as long as we've been married you would think I would tell him to stay there longer, but I just feel embarrased. My husband has asked me before to tell him what I like and I just feel odd talking about it. I know I need to be more open with him, plus I should see a doctor to check my hormones just to be sure everything physically is fine.

    I have never tried a vibrator but at this point I'm willing to try anything.

    Thank you for all your responese I have read them all in detail. I'll keep you guys posted and let you know how it goes.
     
  14. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Well it doesnt have to be a big "talk" to him about it. When hes fingering you or touching you and you like where its at, all you have to say is "right there" or something and he will get the idea, no need in being embarassed. If you were giving him a blowjob and something wasnt working you would trust him to say something wouldnt yah? Hes just waitin for you, guys just wanna do their best to pleasure their partner. again two words, "right there" and he will get the point haha
     
  15. lummy

    lummy New Member

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    Hey, I'm a male but I know what you mean. I can only achieve an orgasm through masturbation. I have almost no feeling in my penis, only under the head. I still have no idea why...And without offending the people who posted, they simply don't know what they talking about because they don't really understand that nothing is felt.

    I know my words may have not cheered you up, but I wanted you to know your not alone.
     
  16. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    It sounds like you first need to become comfortable with your body

    Then become comfortable with someone else touching your body and talking about it

    I think after that you would be able to achieve a orgasom
     
  17. soy

    soy New Member

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    i feel for you!!
    i only decovered how to fully orgasm a few months ago myself (i'm 22 and have had a few sexual partners) what i found is that i wasn't spending enough time, i figured i just didn't know what the hell i was doing. for me, i have to spend quite a bit of time stimulating my clit, then after a while, add in the fingers. so maybe just spend more time than you normaly would, and pretty much don't stop until you figure out what you like.
    good luck!!
     
  18. sallyT

    sallyT New Member

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    lummy thank you I appreciate your post becuase I really feel like an odd creature:( it helps to know I'm not alone, what you said is excatly it I just don't feel anything, when my clit is touched you might as well be touching my arm, I just don't get any sexual stimulation from it, just disconfert. But maybe some of the other posters are right, I may just have to try and try again. I have talked about it with friends and they've told me I have to concentrate and think about something sexual to get excited then I would have arousel instead of disconfert.
     
  19. nhl11402

    nhl11402 New Member

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    no, youre definitely not alone. of course ive never done much "exploring" (maybe i need to :) ) and the bf got close one time but well... we wont go into that lol. glad to know im not the only one now though ;)