any guys having problem with wife not wanting to be intimate

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by swscott71, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    I cant figure out where I went wrong. My wife and I have not have sex in 4 years. I know she is not cheating, but I know she uses toys to take out her frustrations. Anything I can do to help her feel more intimate? She says its her , but I cant help but believe it is me.
     
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  2. HotForHoney

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    There was a similar post 1-2 weeks ago.
    You might want to read it and get the thoughts/conversation started.
     
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  3. cum2cum4u

    cum2cum4u Active Member

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    I'm in a sex less marriage...once last year
     
  4. backcheck64

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    no sex in the past 4 yrs? I'd have been divorced 3.75 yrs ago or in prison.
     
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  5. lbushwalker

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    Even in prison they have sex, just not quite the regular variety ;)
     
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  6. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    Not gonna happen.
     
  7. lbushwalker

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    Denial of basic human needs is akin to mental torture.
    One way or another get the hell out of that situation dude.
    Your profile is blank so we can't even get an inkling of your circumstances but one thing is certain; there is no love coming from your wife and she takes care of her own needs meaning she is either punishing you, hates you or you are terrible at sex in the first place:eek:
     
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  8. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    I'll just have to be ignorant then. Thanks
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    It's your life & your choices dude, I am telling it how it looks from the outside.
    What are you doing or hope to achieve on here anyway?
    Nobody will cry with you especially if you do nothing to alleviate your own dire situation.
    This is a sex site, folks on here take charge of their sexuality and so there is little sympathy for those too weak to even try.
     
  10. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    I was doing just as my post suggested, dude. I was asking a question. You can still be attracted to your wife instead of walking away right. That's all! Thanks for your input and don't cry for me
     
  11. woodster

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    perhaps the marriage is dead. hope not. i don't always see eye to eye with my wife and sometimes we go without sex for a while. the next thing i know we are all tangled in eachothers arms and working it hard. go figure. it is a chemistry thing and sometimes we have come dangerously close to calling it quits in the last 34 yrs. her undying commitment has really been the glue as i have had my moments. does one or the other have that kind of glue?
     
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  12. cbrmale

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    I agree with lbushwalker and if a wife loves a husband and likes sex with the husband then she won't stop for four years and use toys in place, so she either is punishing the husband, hates him or hates sex with him. I'm always inclined to lean towards her not loving the husband anymore, especially after such a long time.
     
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  13. lbushwalker

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    SWSCOTT71, if I came across too harshly then I regret that and apologise but I know exactly where you come from and the anguish thereof.
    I went +10 years with limited sex with almost zero in the last few years and yet I still loved my wife but she did no longer me but that took a long time to accept.
    Eventually having tried everything including marriage counselling I took charge of my own sexuality; it is a long story which I have told on here a number of times but suffice to say I am now happily getting all the sex I need let alone want and then some with someone who truly loves me and who loves sex aplenty.
    As I type right next to me is a new dual vibrator that just arrived in the post today which I will give to her later.
    On top of everything I can offer, her sexual appetite is ravenous ;)
    Most married guys would be envious and even I, an old dude of 62 can't quite believe my good fortune in having this 32 year old most accommodating bedmate in my life :)
     
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  14. johnnyangel694u

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    If you figure it out. Write a book. You will be a millionaire.
     
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  15. AGFUNK

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    How is your life besides sex? Kids? Do you both work? Who does housework? Have you talked with her about it if so what does she say?
     
  16. lucky5338

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    25 years without sex. Life goes on and we manage. Marriage is good however. We get on well with plenty of love and good humor. Sex is nice but not everything.
     
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  17. lbushwalker

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    Being with a woman and no sex; might as well put a tight rubber band around your balls, let them go black, dry out and fall off ;)
     
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  18. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    Life outside of sex is like any other marriage. We have 3 kids. All girls, 19,15, and 11. She's never, never been the holding hands type, but still says I love you and hugs and those things. I work a job where I spend a lot of hours working on laptop at home or I'm on the road all day. I come home every night. She is unhappy with her weight as I am unhappy with mine. I have decided to do domethung a org mine and have lost 27lbs in the past 3 months. She decided to start losing weight this week. I am hoping that this will increase her desire some. I have started doing more things around the house without being asked to. We've been married for 22 years and , to me, it's worth fighting for. I told her 10 years ago that I didn't love her anymore, and I believe that still comes in her mind now. That's the reason I keep fighting, because I know I hurt her when I said that, we've since gotten much better, but I still believe that sentence comes back to her mind. I've never said I was perfect, but I want to know of there was any advice I could be given, that I can't find through a google search, to help find a solution or a means to get her and I closer together. Thanks for all of your support and answers.
     
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  19. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    And "forum" to me means getting answers to things. That's why I posted up here on this sight
     
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  20. swscott71

    swscott71 New Member

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    I have spoken with her and she says that it's not me, but there is something physically wrong with her. I asked her was it that she physically was not attracted to me. She says that she is, but she can use the toys and not have anything expected in return. She says she reads books that sexually have her ready for intimacy, but 2 minutes later that thought is gone. I'll just keep being naive and keep pushing forward,