And that's how the fight started......

Discussion in 'Games and Jokes' started by Hot Wheels, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Hot Wheels

    Gold Member

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    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
    > Christmas gift...
    > >
    > The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    > >
    > When she asked me why, I replied,
    > >
    > "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    > >
    > And that's how the fight started....
    > >
    > > ________________________________
    > >
    > >
    > My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    > >
    > I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    > >
    > 'No,' she answered. I then said,
    > >
    > 'Is that your final answer?'
    > >
    > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    > >
    > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    > >
    > And that's when the fight started...
    > >
    > > ________________________________
    > >
    > >
    > I took my wife to a restaurant.
    > >
    > The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
    > >
    > "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    > >
    > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    > >
    > "Nah, she can order for herself."
    > >
    > And that's when the fight started.....
    > >
    > > _______________________________
    > >
    > >
    > My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
    > >reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
    > >drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
    > >
    > I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    > >
    > "Yes", she sighed,
    > >
    > "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
    > >right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
    > >hasn't been sober since."
    > >
    > "My Goodness!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
    > >celebrating that long?"
    > >
    > And then the fight started...
    > >
    > > ______________________________
    > >
    > >
    > My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
    > >
    > She asked, "What's on TV?"
    > >
    > I said, "Dust."
    > >
    > And then the fight started..
    > >
    > > ________________________________
    > >
    > >
    > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
    > >lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
    > >boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
    > >downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
    > >garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
    > >would be bad all day.
    > >
    > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
    > >into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
    > >anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
    > >terrible."
    > >
    > My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
    > >stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
    > >
    > > And that's how the fight started...
    > >
    > > _______________________________
    > >
    > >
    > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
    > >anniversary.
    > >
    > She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
    > >about 3 seconds."
    > >
    > I bought her a bathroom scale.
    > >
    > And then the fight started......
    > >
    > > ______________________________
    > >
    > >
    > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
    > >for Social Security.
    > >
    > The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
    > >verify my age.
    > >
    > I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
    > >home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
    > >to go home and come back later.
    > >
    > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
    > >
    > So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
    > >
    > She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
    > >me' and she processed my Social Security application.
    > >
    > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
    > >the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
    > >your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
    > >
    > And then the fight started...
    > >
    > > ________________________________
    > >
    > >
    > My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    > >
    > She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
    > >
    > "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
    > >to pay me a compliment.'
    > >
    > I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
    > >
    > And then the fight started........
    > >
    > > ________________________________
    > >
    > >
    > >I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
    > >
    > >The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
    > >
    > >He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
    > >
    > >So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
    > >
    > >That's how the fight started.
    > >
     
    CLE32793, Country_Lily and boobjob like this.
  2. HotForHoney

    Gold Member

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    Scale and eyesight were my favorites!
     
  3. Kiltedtxn

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    Stagger out of the bathroom at a party, drunkenly flip up my kilt and go "WOOHOO! LIPSTICK!"
    My girlfriend looks then says "That's not my shade"
    .
    .
    .
    And that's when the fight started