Analyze me please!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by LisaSue, Mar 5, 2013.

  1. LisaSue

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    Hi all, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a fairly content though rather confused person sexually. Please feel free to give me your thoughts, also, I would like to visit via chat or pm if someone is willing. Again like I said, I am pretty content and consider myself a stable If odd person who just wants a chance to chat with someone who can somewhat relate or understand what I'm talking about. So here are a few things:

    I absolutely love to dress and act like a woman. I began hanging around girls and wearing pantyhose stolen from my mom's closet at only about 7. At 12 I began buying my own lingerie. By 16, I was spending almost all of my spendable money on lingerie, shoes, a few dresses, and a wig (at which age my mom "busted" me finally). By the time I got out of college, I wore lingerie under my clothes almost exclusively, shaved my legs, chest, and underarms smooth at all times. Although I never *hated* being male, I always wished I had been a girl from the start. By my late 30s I was taking supplements to try to feminize my body (including breast enlargement), using feminization self hypnosis and voice training programs. The success of my efforts is certainly debatable but the effect emotionally and psychologically were undeniable.

    With the advancement of my lifetime feminization efforts usually came an advance in the level of sexual activity with a guy that I was involved with from about 14 to 23. But on the other hand, I had several crushes on girls along the way. In my entire lifetime I would say that there were three that I was in love with, one of whom I practically worship.

    I discovered porn in my college years. Though I try not to get overly involved in it, I notice these things. No matter what, whether straight, tranny, or gay porn, oral scenes are always my faces. But I don't place myself in the "top" position in my imagination. I adore sucking cock (though it's been nearly twenty years), and so the porn that turns me on most always prominently features the man's cock. When watching, I always put myself in the submissive role. I place myself sucking that cock or being bent over and taken, or having loads of cum sprayed on my face and lips and in my mouth.

    But, with all my gay or transsexual tendencies, I still have attraction to women that is undeniable. Two in particular are the subjects of my infatuation, sexual attraction, and personal admiration. One above all though, stands out. More than. My nine year gay involvement, or any other attraction is one particular woman who has been in my life for over twenty years. She knows about my crossdressing. What I don't think she knows is how I feel about her. Sexually, no one can displace her in my dreams. If I watch porn, no matter what kind, my fantasies all turn to her. If I see a gorgeous woman, I think of her. Even in full sissy mode, horny for cock, I still wind up dreaming of her. Though very sexual, my fantasies of her are tender, romantic, nearly reverent toward her. I said before that I practically worship her. Twenty years ago I found a pair of her panties in a hamper. I smelled them all over, liclked and sucked them, savoring the scent and taste of her. NEVER before and never since am I even remotely tempted to "panty sniff". But for twenty years plus, every time I can, I taste and smell her bras and panties, sometimes masturbating. I would totally do anything for her and think the world of her besides sexually desiring her. Not exactly in line with my feminine side that also loves cock. Anyway, that's a start. I'd love to share more, but don't want to bore folks. Thanks if you read this long winded thing, and please, analyze away.
     
  2. mrcock

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    I guess, you gotta talk with her, is there a problem regarding that
     
  3. LisaSue

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    There could be because of our history, and because of my huge counts and not much smaller confidence deficit.
     
  4. Meee

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    Counts? I think autocorrect has struck.
     
  5. mrcock

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    you gotta talk with her, it can either stay like it is, or you can gain
     
  6. LisaSue

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    Lol so true. Doubts was the word.
     
  7. LisaSue

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    Of course that's possible or I could be put out of her life period. Now, here's one dilemma; I almost feel it would be worth it for her to know how I feel even if she no longer wants anything to do with me. I can think of a billion reasons not to. One is that although I'm not "sissified", I am a very femininzed male. But who knows. I just appreciate folks commenting. Please comment on anything else you read there too. Hey, meee, thanks for checking it out here too. I included a little more of my personal story here.
     
  8. mrcock

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    why you'll be out of her life forever? can't you just start it like a friend, then tell about your feelings? what kinda friend is she if she'll throw you away afterwards?
     
  9. Meee

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    You might want to save your thanks until I come right out and say I think you're sexually exploiting this woman. Your secrecy about your crush on her gives you almost total freedom to use her exactly the way you want to. If you finally told her how you felt about her, you'd risk losing a twenty year habit of sniffing her panties.

    It's possible--just possible--that I'm not being as judgmental as I sound. I'm really just trying to make you see another possibility about your motivations that you might not have realized. What you'd decide to do about it would be up to you.
     
  10. mrcock

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    I'd rather lose it

    :lol
     
  11. Meee

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    As I said, I'm not actually being judgmental about it. Well, not about the panty sniffing, but about the secrecy.

    Oh, and I completely forgot to mention that I have a friend who is almost exactly the same, except for the secret sniffing part. Reading that story was like reading this friend's life. It's amazing how similar they are point by point. Except that he's only 21, so his story is really only starting. I don't have any idea how it's all going to turn out for him. He's a great friend and a charming person.
     
  12. LisaSue

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    I need to quit that regardless of what I do with my feelings for her because, meee, I know you are right. And you too, Mr, but I will share further later on. I would rather lose her than have her never know. Well, that doesn't mean I'll leap in right away. But I am going to quit with her clothes, because the last few times, I've felt it cheapened the vision I have of her in my heart and mind.
     
  13. LisaSue

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    You are wise beyond 21, meee. Truth is I would be happy just to live as a servant in her house just to be around her. And not because of laundry duty. :) I will share more tomorrow. Thanks you guys Nite for now.