Hi all, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a fairly content though rather confused person sexually. Please feel free to give me your thoughts, also, I would like to visit via chat or pm if someone is willing. Again like I said, I am pretty content and consider myself a stable If odd person who just wants a chance to chat with someone who can somewhat relate or understand what I'm talking about. So here are a few things: I absolutely love to dress and act like a woman. I began hanging around girls and wearing pantyhose stolen from my mom's closet at only about 7. At 12 I began buying my own lingerie. By 16, I was spending almost all of my spendable money on lingerie, shoes, a few dresses, and a wig (at which age my mom "busted" me finally). By the time I got out of college, I wore lingerie under my clothes almost exclusively, shaved my legs, chest, and underarms smooth at all times. Although I never *hated* being male, I always wished I had been a girl from the start. By my late 30s I was taking supplements to try to feminize my body (including breast enlargement), using feminization self hypnosis and voice training programs. The success of my efforts is certainly debatable but the effect emotionally and psychologically were undeniable. With the advancement of my lifetime feminization efforts usually came an advance in the level of sexual activity with a guy that I was involved with from about 14 to 23. But on the other hand, I had several crushes on girls along the way. In my entire lifetime I would say that there were three that I was in love with, one of whom I practically worship. I discovered porn in my college years. Though I try not to get overly involved in it, I notice these things. No matter what, whether straight, tranny, or gay porn, oral scenes are always my faces. But I don't place myself in the "top" position in my imagination. I adore sucking cock (though it's been nearly twenty years), and so the porn that turns me on most always prominently features the man's cock. When watching, I always put myself in the submissive role. I place myself sucking that cock or being bent over and taken, or having loads of cum sprayed on my face and lips and in my mouth. But, with all my gay or transsexual tendencies, I still have attraction to women that is undeniable. Two in particular are the subjects of my infatuation, sexual attraction, and personal admiration. One above all though, stands out. More than. My nine year gay involvement, or any other attraction is one particular woman who has been in my life for over twenty years. She knows about my crossdressing. What I don't think she knows is how I feel about her. Sexually, no one can displace her in my dreams. If I watch porn, no matter what kind, my fantasies all turn to her. If I see a gorgeous woman, I think of her. Even in full sissy mode, horny for cock, I still wind up dreaming of her. Though very sexual, my fantasies of her are tender, romantic, nearly reverent toward her. I said before that I practically worship her. Twenty years ago I found a pair of her panties in a hamper. I smelled them all over, liclked and sucked them, savoring the scent and taste of her. NEVER before and never since am I even remotely tempted to "panty sniff". But for twenty years plus, every time I can, I taste and smell her bras and panties, sometimes masturbating. I would totally do anything for her and think the world of her besides sexually desiring her. Not exactly in line with my feminine side that also loves cock. Anyway, that's a start. I'd love to share more, but don't want to bore folks. Thanks if you read this long winded thing, and please, analyze away.