anal sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by mispas, Nov 15, 2013.

  1. mispas

    mispas New Member

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    Ok, here goes. I am new to this site but need some insite. Have been married 23yrs, sex hasnt always been frequent but great when it occured. Over last year have become empty nesters and really started to enjoy a wide variety of sex, anal, oral, little restraint and even had a threesome. I thought things were great but resently found a hidden email account where he was talking with other men, very explictly. I was aware he was bi curious but when we tried that he couldnt even stay hard. I feel betrayed , and so unsure of him....he says it was just fantasy....never would ever meet anyone. Am i wrong to not question if he is more interested in men than i thought.....any advice would be great
     
  2. Silverfox

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    I know its hard to know how long he's been doing this, or if he's done more. I know it seems he's betrayed you. He may be trying to live out his fantasy. He wants to but doesn't think he can, perhaps he feels trapped. I'm not saying that's your fault, just the way his life has turned out.

    There can be several reasons he couldn't stay hard when you tried it before. That doesn't mean he not still bisexual. Try not to feel betrayed. I know he's going behind your back. It may be no more than cyber sex, which I know seems like betrayal, and in a way is, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still love you.

    I think you should talk to him openly and honestly. Don't just confront him, but try to bring it up in a loving way. It may take some time. You'll probably encounter resistance from him. Chances are, if he's been hiding it, he feels that he has to. Again, that's not your fault. He's doing this of his own free will, but with some honest, on his part, communication you'll probably work this out.
     
  3. WorriedCatherine

    WorriedCatherine New Member

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    It seems unlikely that he would never meet anyone when you've actually tried this once with him before. Even if he didn't enjoy it, he did take that step of making fantasy a reality before. Maybe he hasn't met anyone behind your back yet but you need to get to the bottom of it and not allow him to talk you into thinking it's just a fantasy and nothing will ever happen.

    Of course, after 23 years you know your husband better than anyone, but I am just speaking from my humble experience - that there's always a lot more behind it that will only come up later. Silverfox is right... he probably feels like he has to hide it, so addressing it in a non-judgmental (and it does not sound like you are the judgmental type at all anyway) and loving way is a good idea.

    Just don't get too easily won over by the "I'll never act on it" story without getting to the bottom of it.
     
  4. Silverfox

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    Yeah, my intention in my reply was for him to be honest with you that he wants to try again WITH you, not go behind your back anymore. Going behind your back is cheating on you IMHO, just as if he were seeing another woman.
     
    #4 Silverfox, Nov 16, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2013
  5. mispas

    mispas New Member

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    that is exactly how i took it....it is cheating, we are openly discussing it and he is being honest but we still have work to do
     
  6. Meee

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    This is the second thread today that has a title about anal sex, but the actual post is about relationship problems. It's a pattern I've noticed in these forums. Anal sex has become a code word that diverts from more serious and scary issues that might be hard to bring out up front.

    However, you say you're discussing those issues in your relationship, so that's good. Good luck.
     
  7. WorriedCatherine

    WorriedCatherine New Member

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    That may be true, Meee. But maybe it's also that when you're a woman in a straight relationship with a man, and you find out he has a big thing for anal sex with men which you never quite knew the extent of (or in my case, knew at all), it's really difficult because with all the sex toys in the world, you'll never have a penis.


    So you’re upset and confused about a lot of things at once, but one of those things still is the topic of anal sex and your own insecurities surrounding this.
     
  8. mispas

    mispas New Member

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    nicely stated
     
  9. alwaystry

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    I agree ,its a relationship issue. My opinion is you should question it , to each their own but bi curious married men seems to be rampant. Its all over craigs list and such. It may really be just a fantasy but you do have to approach this carefully and talk about it.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    Anal, everything seems anal these days,WTF and I have haemorrhoids!
    Love strong chilli but that hurts too :(
     
  11. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    Bwahahahahah, you make me laugh!:lol
     
  12. StewartSg

    StewartSg New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your husband, mispas. I guess you are feeling insecure and betrayed at the same time. Well, I can only offer this advice: You are wonderful woman and should never be made to feel bad about yourself. Talk to him about your feelings and if things don't work out, you deserve a better man who knows how to treat you well. Stay strong girl :)