Anal Sex Issues

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Dragan3rd, Nov 15, 2013.

  1. Dragan3rd

    Dragan3rd New Member

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    New here, so this is going to be my first post lol (yay!). I have had issues with anal sex ever since I first tried it, and I was hoping I could get some help with it.

    My previous relationship lasted 5 years (how it even lasted that long I have no idea). After a year, I was a virgin mind you, we tried anal. It was THEE MOST PAINFUL thing ever next to a toothache (or hookah headache, take your pick). We tried for the duration of the relationship, and in the end I could only bottom for a few minutes before it was too much... he either had to cum that way, or wash his dick off and let me suck him off.

    We tried EVERYTHING during those five years, btw. Let's see... we tried 2 butt plugs (to loosen my hole), 2 dildos, a vibrating dildo, multiple kinds of lube (water-based and silicone primarily), anal ease, fingering, and I'm probably forgetting one or two things.

    Now I'm in a new relationship, 6 months next month, and my ass is back to virgin tight... I mean like, it feels like the first time I got fucked all over again tight. We've tried poppers and lidocaine... albeit without much success. However, the lidocaine was interesting. When enough was used, I felt NO PAIN. But, every time he thrust in I felt like I had a full bladder, he'd thrust out and it'd go away, so on and so forth... needless to say, it was uncomfortable. And if that's what it feels like when one's prostate is stimulated... then seriously, I don't know what the fuss is about! That shit's annoying!

    He tells me that I clench up too tight, and that's why it hurts. He's convinced that I'm doing it on purpose, but I'm really not, it's just a natural reaction. (He's said that my ass locks up like Fort Knox.) And then there are times where I swear just the head goes in, and it hurts so fucking bad that I'll push him off and lay there with my hole throbbing for a few minutes, and any movement whatsoever does not help, like at all.

    It's just ridiculous, if so many other people can bottom like it's nothing, what is the secret? Sometimes I wonder if asking a guy to rape my ass would help, like ripping a bandaid off instead of pulling it off slowly and painfully. Any ideas? Shiiit, I wonder how painful fisting is... ain't gonna try that though!
     
    #1 Dragan3rd, Nov 15, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2013
  2. HotForHoney

    Gold Member

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    First off, stop the drugs....of any kind.
    If you are tightening up and your partner can feel it, you aren't relaxed. Are you sure this is what you want? Do you trust your partner(s)?

    I can only speak for myself but if my exbf went in at the wrong angle, it hurt, I'd tense up and he'd have to try again a minute later.

    Are you using enough lube? Bf would lube his fingers before prepping my ass, lube his dick up and then put more in my ass.

    If you can take the toys, I don't know why you tense up with the real thing.

    Maybe try different positions. Maybe if you were in control of how he entered you - you go on him more than he go in you - Kwim?

    Bottom line the three most important things I found with anal is trust, being relaxed and lots of lube.
     
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  3. Jump5

    Jump5 New Member

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    Your previous relationship you express that it lasted 5 years, but that you're surprised that it even lasted that long. It sounds like you even had difficulties in that previous relationship as far as anal sex goes as well. Did you and your ex break up related to your sexual issues?

    I would have thought maybe if the issue was just with the ex that it could have been related solely to maybe him. You know maybe he was unskilled, or too big, too thick. But the fact that you're still experiencing the same problems in the last relationship in your current one. It leads me to maybe think that you're the common denominator in the equation.

    How does your new partner feel related to you and your extreme difficulty with being able to do anal? Is he supportive, frustrated? How're you and what're all your emotions on the topic of anal sex and your ability to do it, or not? Anger, frustration, what? Do you feel pressured any?

    Has your current partner said or expressed some of the same things/issues that your ex also did? Did your ex also tell you that you clenched, the same as your current partner does now? Do you think that maybe it's all somatic in nature? Meaning it's all in your head. You envision pain and hurt and thus the imagined becomes real. I'd not think that it would take someone almost six years to master anal. The ass is incredibly elastic, it stretches. After being with someone for five years it should have at least stretched out to more easily fit around width of their cock. Which makes me think that maybe your current partner is correct, that you are clenching up. He probably feels it tighten around his dick. Shit you could be doing it (clenching) and not even be consciously aware of it.

    I would agree with the other poster. Stop with all the drugs, that and maybe also REALLY, SERIOUSLY consider that anal sex might just not be for you. Not all gay men are into anal play. Maybe you and your new boyfriend could do other things like oral, j/o or stuff. Would your current partner be into the kind of stuff?

    Just some things to maybe consider at least.
     
    #3 Jump5, Nov 15, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2013
  4. WorriedCatherine

    WorriedCatherine New Member

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    I don't know how into your current partner you are, but Jump5 is right - not all gay men like anal. There are a LOT who don't engage in it at all, and maybe you just need to find a partner whose sexuality is more of a fit with your own?

    If you really want to enjoy it then keep trying, of course, but it just sounds like you've never actually felt any pleasure from it at all... so why force yourself? Unless this guy is the most perfect amazing caring sensitive man who will do anything for you too, I don't see why you should be having to endure pain to try to satisfy him.

    I know the world acts like all gay men like anal, but really, you are perfectly normal and there are millions of others like you!

    [P.S. Yes, I'm female, but I have a lot of gay friends and have also done a lot of research on this topic]