i don't know why this is, but its a question i've been asking myself lately. about a month and a half ago, i found out my husband had an affair. it was a short one, 3 meetings, but the person he did it with hurt more than the actual affair. there is some background here- i have been severly depressed for several years, and quit dealing with it. i quit taking my pills, and quit putting in an effort in my marriage- i basically gave up. this, i freely admit. he made his choice, and that was to fuck someone else, but i do understand that my actions had a hand in it and i accept my share of the blame. we've moved past that, we are seeing a therapist, and i am back on my meds, and we are working on our relationship. i have forgiven him, and while he hurt me deeply, i do still love him and want to make this work. i'm not sure what i am looking for out of this forum, but i guess part of me is still a little... confused, maybe? I feel like his affair was the slap in the face that i needed to see that if i didn't wake up and start dealing with things, i was going to lose the one person who is the center of my life. at some point, i did lose him. i stopped caring, i stopped trying, and i forgot that i loved him. it took the anquish of the night i asked him the question that would forever change our relationship, and got the unbelievable answer. if i hadn't asked, i wouldn't have known, and my marriage would be over. I would still be in a spiral, or maybe I would have hit rock bottom by now, and who knows how much worse things would have gotten? I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen? Not your spouse having an affair, but that the affair actually BENEFITTED your relationship? weird question? Am I crazy?