Am I normal or is something wrong?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by FallenMonk, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    I am 23 and I lost my virginity about 4 months ago. I had gotten blowjobs before, but this was the first time I've actually had sex. It was with an escort. To my surprise, I had trouble staying hard. Initially, I got hard and put it inside her and we fucked for a bit missionary position. But then I pulled out and we took a break so I wouldn't finish and I got soft. We tried to do it doggy style, but I couldn't get hard enough to go inside her. She sucked me to get me hard and it would get me kind of hard, but it would not stay hard long enough for me to get inside her. Eventually we tried missionary again and I managed to get hard and put it inside her and I came after some fucking.

    The second time I came back to this same girl another time and and I could not manage to get hard long enough to put it inside her at all! I was hard at first and she sucked me but then we when she went to put on the condom, I got soft and could not get hard again without her sucking it. But then when she would stop sucking it I would go soft again.

    The third time I went to another girl and managed to get hard and put it inside her, but this time I had a different problem, I came right as I went in. I had not masturbated the night before this time and this is usually what happens when I don't masturbate for a while.

    The fourth time I went to the first girl and I managed to get hard enough to put it inside her missionary position but then when I pulled out and took a break, I had trouble getting hard again. I ended up having her lay down and grinding my dick between her legs and I managed to get hard and do it doggy style but I came pretty quickly.

    Idk if I have ED or anything because sometimes when I get turned on I would get really hard and have trouble getting it down. But often times even when I am looking at porn and masturbating, I have to start stroking it a bit to get it hard. So I am pretty embarrassed. I often hear online talk from women about how "young guys have stiffer erections" and "they can go all night" but this is not the case with me. Am I normal for my age or are my sexual abilities more like those of an "older guy"? Or is there something else going on? I would really like some feedback on this.
     
  2. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    One thing that was brought to my attention recently is that a guy's testicles hang lower when he gets old. Well, I notice that often times my testicles do "sag". Could this be an sign that my sexual abilities are more like that of an "older guy" or something?
     
  3. Texas_Red

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    I'd say it's more a matter of performance anxiety. I have the same problems. You just need to take your time and get comfortable. You might find this hard to do with escorts, etc. because you never get familiar and comfortable before moving on. You need to find out what your strengths and talents are, and build your confidence.
     
  4. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    I have read somewhere that too much masturbation and porn causes this kind of thing. But I find that when I haven't masturbated in a long time, I come very quickly. So I typically masturbate the night before.
     
  5. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    I have only done this with escorts because I am shy and haven't gotten around to really forming relationships with girls.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    Performance anxiety is the triggering of the flight or fight reaction. When we stress ourselves over a situation, that is staying hard, our bodies take over from the mechanism to stay hard and prepare for defence instead. Hence we lose our erections.

    Like most men in certain situations this has happened to me too, and it's a normal thing. I never had problems with escorts but I have seen guys in group sex, for example, fail despite the best will in the world and despite getting a good erection in any other sexual situation. I too have failed, but then re-focussed my mind through meditation and that has worked.

    It is all psychological and it's all about regainng confidence. I suggest practice a bit with masturbation because if you can get and stay hard then you can get and stay hard. Then with a woman it's a case of transposing that knowledge, I can get and stay hard with you too. If you find your mind wandering to 'am I hard?', bring it back to I can get and stay hard.
     
  7. BigTitLover

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    Yup. Performance anxiety. It happens, and once you get past the shyness part things will start cooperating better. Work on relaxing, I know it will hard when on the clock so to speak with an escort.

    You could get past all this with one girl, and things could act up the first time with another. Just something that you will have to work on, like the others said it happens, its happened to me.
     
  8. bluvm

    bluvm Member

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    The performance anxiety aside, have you tried masturbating with a condom on. I stopped using them with my wife and when I went back I couldn't keep and erection for anything. Maybe try that.
     
  9. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    Yeah I am hoping it is just something like performance anxiety and not my sexual ability declining with age. But I want to point out that two of the times, I was hard initially and was able to put it inside her and fucked until I was almost there and needed a break. But then after taking it out and taking a break, I would have trouble getting hard again. So I actually would get an erection but would lose it. Does it still sound like performance anxiety?
     
  10. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    Yeah, the condom thing is also an idea. It seems like when I get the condom on I have more trouble getting hard. Is this a common problem?
     
  11. bluvm

    bluvm Member

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    I would say more common than people would like to admit. I think if it isn't a feeling you are used to than it can be strange. Put a little lube in the tip of the condom and masturbate with it on see if you get used to it then maybe that problem will subside.

    I don't think age is a problem, you said 23 yrs. I think people are talking 50-60 for declining age. Another idea (while not the safest idea) is get a testosterone booster from a supplement shop. I used them when I was lifting heavily and a soft breeze would give me a raging hard on.
     
  12. Trond

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    My advice: first of all don't worry too much about this.
    How about this: sometimes in stead of seeing callgirls try a nice strip club, one of those classier places where the girls are expected to sit and flirt with the customers for a bit. This way, you can have some fun without being anxious about how you will "perform", and after a while you might get more and more used to just sit and chat with girls. This actually helped my confidence around women. Some people asked me why I didn't go to a club and meet "real" girls, but the reason is simple: the girls in a bar typically fall for the flamboyant extroverted people, completely ignoring the more introverted guys (not blaming them, men can be the same way). After a while you will start flirting more easily with girls you meet. Warning: Try not to fall in love with a stripper though. That was my biggest blunder back in the day.:eyes
     
  13. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    Lol, I actually used to do the strip club thing before I discovered craigslist and backpage. Even after I started going to escorts, I would sometimes pass them up to go the strip club. There actually have been a couple situations where I actually found myself wondering if certain strippers actually had a thing for me and weren't just pretending. With one of them, she really made me believe it, but eventually it became clear to me she wasn't for real. There are a couple others though that I still wonder about.
     
    #13 FallenMonk, Mar 12, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2012
  14. Trond

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    Yes, forget about that. It's always nice if they enjoy your company, but it doesn't mean much. Even here in the forums, you will find girls who enjoy an innocent flirt without meaning too much about it, and remember that the girls in a strip club have much more incentive to do this. You can always try to politely ask one out, but the answer is 99% certain to be no. Don't make a habit of it, as it could make the bouncers uncomfortable if you get a reputation for trying to meet the girls outside the club. Enjoy their company while you're there, but don't get too attached.

    By the way: do you still live at home with your parents? This is another common mistake for shy guys. Having your own place (even if it's only a small apartment or student flat) makes it easier to ask a girl over, particularly if you live in an area with lots of girls of your own age.
     
    #14 Trond, Mar 12, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2012
  15. FallenMonk

    FallenMonk New Member

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    Yup, I live at home with my parents. I definitely can't ask a girl to come home with me and I haven't really done that.
     
  16. 18wheeler

    18wheeler Member

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    Ha ha.. It's exactly that.... "Online talk"

    Maybe some younger men do, due to being healthier.. But I for one am harder, and last longer and better, and have better orgasms now that I'm 36, then I did @ 17 or 18y old.... Mainly I believe due to knowledge, and confidence.

    That said... The first few times I was with my wife(she was 25 and I was 29) I had some anxiety issues because she had more experience than I did, and had been with much larger men.... So, the 1st few times I kept losing my erection.... Definitely not an issue now.
     
  17. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    Don't worry about it. Everyone goes through the same sort of thing at some point in their life. Just relax and go with the flow, but a good escort would get and keep you hard so maybe change where you're going.

    But in the meantime. Practice makes perfect.
     
  18. coramfuncpl00

    coramfuncpl00 New Member

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    I agree with performance anxiety and don't think about it too much otherwise you will subconciously give yourself ED...other thing also is that it was with an escort...as a teen guy you have a simple switch...boobies=boner, period lol...but as you get older, an escort is, "okay pay me, heres the hole," when you actually get with a girl who wants to be with you for her pleasure as much as yours, she will most likely have tricks to get and keep you hard your first few times with her, I would suggest to try and find a woman with some decent sexual experience, not a runaround, but you know what I mean...you will probably have a better time with it...just don't think about it too much otherwise you will always have this problem
     
  19. Trond

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    Well, I would suggest moving out, if at all possible:). As mentioned before, living with your parents is not the best way to meet girls (I waited too long myself). Being comfortable around women seems to be the core of the problem, and living with the parents for too long seems to be a recipe for long-term awkwardness. I have seen this tendency many times. Good luck!
     
  20. MrFusion

    MrFusion New Member

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    If you think your penis is your biggest sexual organ, you're completely wrong.. It's your mind.

    I'm not judging, really, I'm not.. But cashing in your V card to a hooker at 23 or 24 has got to be an awkward situation. If your mind isn't calm, it's going to have an effect downstairs. I was exactly like you - got my first BJ at 23 but not much experience beyond that. About a year and a half later I finally met a wonderful woman and we went on a few dates and then we had sex. I was nervous, but I was fine to get to the business and finish. Once you get into a situation where you're with a real woman who you have a connection with that goes deeper than a cash transaction I think you'll be much better off.

    BTW... the biggest boost you can give to your sex life is to get your own place.