am I doing anything wrong??

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by justaniceguy, Sep 12, 2012.

  1. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2011
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    russia
    Hyer everyone, Ive been going on this forum for a while now and love the discussions, and openness of everyone....I want to ask you all as I feel a bit guilty coming on here as my wife does not know, but I am not doing anything wrong, if I chat to woman on here its just being open and not suggestive to them so cheating surely Im not.....My wife and I do have sex and enjoy it but she has not the same labido, sexual expressivenious as I do, my fantasies run totally wild as hers do not, Thats why I go on here..........Is there anything wrong with me going on here........I have tried to be open with her regarding sex but she laughs at me and says im a perv, its humilliating for me, but going on here everyone does not laugh at me but on the contrary listens which my wiife does not.......Thanks for reading all, I apreciate it......Ian
     
  2. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,964
    Likes Received:
    5,077
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Hi Ian,
    Well then that makes you just like the majority of married males who come here.
    In my own case I was busted by being a bit careless in leaving the program running and she saw everything :eek
    I was in the dog house for a bit but then when the storm blew over she researched everything I have ever written in the last few years and concluded I was an ok dude :)
    Now she knows I still come here and teases me about it but not seriously as after all I don't care much for porn which when in the mood she does openly enjoy on her own.
    I would rather interact with real people.
     
  3. Hotchocolate

    Hotchocolate New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2012
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    B.C
    I don't think your doin anything wrong at all, your name especially has me convinced :p cause you are after all just a nice guy haha but seriously no I do not believe you are doing anything wrong at all.
     
  4. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    We each have to decide on our own whether it's wrong or not. It depends on different relationships and circumstances for each of us individually.
     
  5. Lover4You

    Lover4You New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2012
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Maybe she feels embarrassed about her own fantasies so she laughs yours off. Maybe you could try something less direct like txts or emails or letters sharing what you like and asking what she likes. That may ease her into being more open about it. Start small. But about coming on here, idt its a problem if she knows about it. Better than having her find out and get upset and then having even more problems getting her interested in sex.
     
  6. 12barblues

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2012
    Messages:
    5,297
    Likes Received:
    3,744
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    california, USA
    Agreed....via text will give her the opportunity to think about her responses and make sure she words what she is thinking, properly. Without feeling as tho she is being put on the spot....
     
  7. RainLevity

    RainLevity Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East Coast, USA
    If you are concerned or feel guilty about being on here without telling her, then you probably should tell her. It's not that I think being on here without your spouse's knowledge is, in itself, wrong. But that anything you do that you feel guilty about is probably "wrong" for you/your relationship. Even if there is no actual cheating or lying. Sometimes, a lie of omission is still a lie.

    Talk to her about your fantasies, etc. Don't be discouraged if she blows you off at first. Maybe she thinks you're not really serious. Maybe she's embarrassed that she has some of her own fantasies, and yours make her uncomfortable for that reason. While talking about fantasies, tell her you found a great site that you started reading that talks about this kind of stuff. See what her reaction is. She may not care, or she may be mad (unlikely, I think), or she may want to get her own account. I think you should at least offer to share EVERY sexual aspect of your life/head with your SO in order for it to be a truly open, honest relationship.

    That's just MHO, and I'm sure there are some who will disagree with me. It has worked for DH & me for 14 years, though. No secrets- or at least, not ones we don't intend to one day share. Sometimes it takes some time to get to a place where a particular fantasy can/should be shared. I don't condone doing things behind each others' backs, though. That's the surest road to hurt and alienation. Good luck, whatever you decide. :)

    PS- And I like Lover4you & 12bar's suggestions about texts / emails. I always appreciate things in writing. Gives me time to compose a good answer or do some research before sticking my foot in my mouth.
     
    #7 RainLevity, Sep 12, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2012
  8. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    88
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    I'm with Rain.....if you feel guilty maybe you shold tell her about it.....you might want to easy into that tho.....like "Hey I saw this on a forum the other day." Then work your way up.

    The fantasies......you might try telling her about some mild ones....see how that goes....if she tries it and likes it.....then got for the wild ones....
     
  9. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2011
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    russia
    thanks guys for your replies. taken them all into account. i know she wont budge tho, i have tried in a diplomatic manner to let her know my sexual preferences and about things but she has 1 hell of a strong head....the main thing i love her and respect her so on my part i dont think im doing anything wrong....Just amusing myself really...another thing, its you people that make this site a good 1 with different sexual preferences and personalities...hope im contributing to you all as you do for me.....thanks again...Ian
     
  10. sandwich

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2012
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    2,411
    Gender:
    Female
    I can't tell you if it's wrong because I think that when it comes to this forum it is something we each need to decide for ourselves plus there could be other circumstances at play you haven't mentioned. There are some behaviors that I would have no problem calling wrong.

    I can tell you that if you feel guilty it's possible your gut is telling you that being on here behind her back would hurt her. The only other thing I can say is how I would feel in your shoes if I were married and on this site but my husband did not know. I would have to say that being on here in secret would be an indicator that our intimacy had gone awry. So then for me it would probably be wrong.
     
  11. luv2sexdotinfo

    luv2sexdotinfo New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2012
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Singapore
    You didn't do anything wrong
    it is just a matter of difference in the level of interest in sex between you and your wife
    I can see that when comes to sex, your wife is not relaxed, rather stiff or too strict about it
    you have to help her to let go, relax and enjoy sex
    maybe you can start your foreplay on her with an erotic massage:p