Alright, I need some advice......regarding my sex life

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Johnny Bobby, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. Johnny Bobby

    Johnny Bobby New Member

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    Here are some few details for my first post. I will try to keep it honest and realistic......

    35 year old male, married close to 10 years.

    Here is my problem......(trust me I have gone over this in my head for a LOOOONG time now)


    Sex life with the wife used to be AMAZING, but clearly most mid 20's somethings sex life is, right? So we get married within 2 years of being together and a kid shortly after. From there its slows down a bit, but nothing too crazy. You have to be realistic that it just wont be the same with a little one around. I get that.

    So fast forward 8 years later. Kid is 8, off to school most of the day etc etc........

    Now we have had some issues in the past where she thought I was sex crazed because I would hint/ask for it a few times a week. Generally always getting shot down. Then when we would it would generally be very ho-hum and almost embarrasing how much she didn't want to be there. I must stop now before it sounds like I am bashing my wife. She knows how much I love her, am attracted to her, and how loyal I am. I love her more than any other woman on the planet. Easy. I can just tell she doesn't seem that interested. She says after doing MUCH prying that basically alot of it comes back to her high school days where she was a bit of a "Loosey Goosey" and had sex with many a guys back in the day. Almost devaluing sex to her and that she sometimes feels like I am treating her like a piece of meat that just needs to be fucked. I have stated NUMEROUS times that this simply isn't the case and that I love her. She extends how much she loves me as well etc etc.

    You get the drift I assume?

    So fast forward again and we realize that she also isnt getting an orgasm anymore with me basically because I can't last 10-15 minutes and she doesn't want to do the same. So we find that the shower is a handy tool. The shower head gets her off like crazy. So we will manually use the showerhead until she has an orgasm then we have AMAZING sex. It really is fun for all parties involved. The problem is that is only like once a month tops. Due to time constraints, kids running around or just not the right timing type of thing.

    I also find that I am starting to get turned down for that too. Also before I go on....I work the night shift and thought at first it was just because I wasn't available at night, but recently I was off work for 6 weeks and in that span there was 1 time where we had some lovin. I would also like to point out that EVERYONE in the world thinks we are the best couple in the world. Besides the sex we really are the best couple in the world. Nothing can get between us....(expect this it seems). We have been through alot together.

    Here is where I will probably get snapped at by a few of the ladies...... :ugh

    After each morning when I take a shower I fix the showerhead so that it is on a certain line in the holder and very hard to get out if you arent trying to get the head out (for downstairs usage....) Long story short. I keep track of how often she is using the showerhead to masturbate when I am not around. Yes, I also made sure that she never takes the showerhead off when just taking a normal shower.

    So essentially she is masturbating roughly 3-4 times a week, meanwhile I am not getting any loving except for maybe once a month if that.

    What's wrong? Have I been replaced by a showerhead? Should this bother me? Is it evil that I keep track and don't mention it? I honestly feel sometimes like she is cheating on me with a guy named H20. haha. I am afraid to mention it because everytime I try to bring up the subject of sex it blows up in my face, she gets mad and it guaruntees me a couple more weeks on the bench.

    What I think she fails to realize is that I am just trying to have a honest, open relationship where we should be comfortable saying anything. But it seems the longer we are together the more taboo the subject of sex becomes.

    Please Help. I could use some advice. I am generally looking for women to reply here and see what I could probably.......and likely missing.
     
    #1 Johnny Bobby, Jun 30, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2009
  2. Barbwire

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    WOW! My husband could have written about 90% of your post a few years ago.

    Here's my take. You are in a rut, plain and simple. Sex is no longer exciting, it's too planned and thought out. You both need to break out of the mold a bit.

    One thing you might want to do to give your sex life a jumpstart is to BUY MORE TOYS! Buy toys you can use together on each other. Experiment with maybe a bit of light bondage. Do things to shock and awe each other.

    Oh, and don't think for one second that having an 8 year old kid is easy on her. Her masturbating in the shower may be a form of stress relief. I know orgasms work wonders for me!

    See, your g/f became a wife AND a mother, and quite possibly, she lost some of her "self" along the line. You need to remind her of her inner sex goddess.

    I've been with my hubby for 13 years and for the past 3 I've been like a mad scientist in the sack. Always researching, taking notes and experimenting. Of course, I always post my scientific findings here on SF.

    I'm gonna toot my own horn here...read some of my stories to get ideas on how to spice things up in the bedroom.

    Please do yourself a favour and stick around this forum for a while. You will learn loads, I promise.

    Good luck and welcome to SF.



     
  3. Johnny Bobby

    Johnny Bobby New Member

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    Thanks for your input. You are certainly someone I noticed straight away reading a bunch of threads tonight. Good stuff all around.

    I am going to take some time to let it all sink in, but I think I realize what you are on to here...
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Hey man, thanks for the kind words. I'm glad to be of some help to you.

     
  5. Rosebud29

    Rosebud29 New Member

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    If you can get a copy where you are read "The Sex Diaries" by Bettina Arndt. Trust me, it will open your eyes and everything will suddenly become crystal clear. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Once you have read it, give it to your wife. I take no responsibility for her hitting you over the head with it :)

    I know I'm young for giving advice, but I have had a low sex drive in the past and, to use a cliché, this book spoke to me.
     
  6. fireweed

    fireweed New Member

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    The piece of this puzzle that you are missing could be a number of things, some of which I probably haven't an inkling of.

    First thing that comes to my mind though is that this is another story of sex with the same person getting old. My theory is that we are (most of us) biologically programmed to seek multiple sexual partners during our life. If you suppress this and force yourself into monogamy, for men what seems to happen (if we don't cheat), is we learn to fantasize about anything and everything but our partners. For women it gets to the point that they would rather stitch their yoni shut than to keep having sex with their partner, or so it would seem. The body/brain pulls all the stops in an attempt to push us on to new partners.

    I can only feel sorry for people so attached to the idea of monogamy that they often live like this for years... Only a very small number of individuals (if any) seem to be able to be truly happy and sexually fulfilled in long term monogamy.

    Not saying that this necessarily has anything to do with your problem, but on the other hand, it could be something to think about too.