Afraid to go on a date.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by fireontheside, Apr 18, 2013.

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  1. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I thought about going on a date as a joke with some random person from okcupid, because I wouldn't expect anything, and let's face it, most dates lead to nothing.

    But when it comes down to it, I'm just too self conscious to go on a date. Imagine spilling food all over yourself, falling, or worse, throwing up from drinking too much (I don't drink, but this could happen to someone in theory).

    I'm not a big fan of dating. I've never been on a date, but it sounds traumatic to me.
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    Hate to point to the obvious but no dating also equates to no sex.
    Sometimes to get ahead you got to take calculated risks.
     
  3. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    Oh wow, did you really throw up on a date? God, I'd ...die of embarrassment. I'm really sorry you went through that.

    People say dating is fun, but to me it just seems like a job interview...and lbushwalker, how can it lead to sex when most dates never go past the first date?
     
  4. MordsithLove

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    I'm newly single and scared shitless of venturing in the dating world. Had been in a very long relationship makes me nervous of new experiences....it's definitely a mixed feeling.

    I am socially shy, I'd rather answer questions than ask them. I'm a hermit and rather spend my time alone....however I know I need to get out, if I don't I will end up depressed, horny and with no friends...I've lost touch with many of my friends because I've avoided our social opportunities to catch up and let our hair down.

    So I am not gonna take my new found freedom for granted, I will date and meet new people. I'm not looking to get laid, but I am looking for newer connections, broaden my horizons and become more social.
     
  5. mrcock

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    ???
     
  6. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    But you don't have anything to be afraid of. You know how to navigate those waters, not everyone does.
     
  7. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I'm really sorry that happened to you! : (

    I don't drink at all, and honestly it's out of a deep fear of exactly that happening to me. I worry about losing control of myself and doing something I'd really regret.

    I've been told in the past that I should drink to "loosen up," but honestly, there is such a thing as letting go too much.
     
  8. MordsithLove

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    I have EVERYTHING to be afraid of, I have so many insecurities of myself it's not even funny. I can't be comfortable with anyone face to face until time has passed to get to know each other.

    Foremost, I never dated...ever, so to be correct; no I've yet to navigate any body of water in that spectrum. I've only had two relationships ever in my life, and they started very fast and early. I'm scared shitless of how to react, what to say, what to wear, when is it appropriate to engage into anything intimate, make sure I don't bug too much, don't over analyze everything....
     
  9. MordsithLove

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    One glass of wine is plenty to loosen up and still keep your class
     
  10. Trond

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    How about just making an effort to meet more people, and make new friends? Maybe something will come of it naturally, as dating can be a bit intimidating (it's even part of the word "intimidating" :p). The problem is usually just that people overthink it. Anyway, if you don't find occasion to meet more people outside of dating sites, then the best way is to jump into it. Vomit or no vomit :lol Good luck!
     
  11. mrcock

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    mord, may I ask you, are you single now
     
  12. MordsithLove

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    Yes.
     
  13. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    But the point is, at least you know SOMETHING. At least you've been in a relationship, which is more than I can say for myself. I am truly terrified because I have no idea what to do. At all.
     
  14. mrcock

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    may I ask you, how you feel about the fact you are single now, or do you wanna be asked about it at all
     
  15. MordsithLove

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    Okay I'm gonna say it again in a tone I would say to my best friend:

    "OPEN YOUR MIND AND STOP WORRYING, BE POSITIVE."

    Simply keep calm and carry on. The more you close yourself, you won't get anywhere. THAT is something you're familiar with, change it.
     
  16. Meee

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    This person's latest thread reminds me of something I read about shy people. They tend to "catastrophize." They picture the kinds of things that might go wrong in a social situation. They tend to exaggerate them in their minds. The things they imagine become almost slapstick! Huge pratfalls. Great crashings of fine china. Extravagant spills on only the best dressed people. They also imagine the eternal consequences--the lifelong humiliation, the confirmation that they just weren't cut out for socializing, and so on. It helped me understand the stress that my shy friends go through. They aren't picturing the same social event I'm picturing and looking forward to. They're picturing countless traps that could lead to their doom.
     
  17. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    50% of people in society are shy, so the world kind of needs to let us in.

    I'm not shy per se. I can talk to strangers on the phone regarding registering for my classes, and applying for jobs. I can walk into a place and say "I was looking for so and so." I worked as a cashier for five years.

    But I guess when I really want something to happen, like friendship, or a romantic attachment (which has never happened) I get nervous, because my whole life's happiness is about to get thrown in the garbage.

    if that makes any sense...which it probably doesn't.

    I would say my social anxiety (which isn't shyness but an actual disorder) is probably about a 4, where 1 is normal and 10 is can't leave the house, can't say a word, crippling mess.

    Which is still pretty bad.

    To be honest, I don't date right now because simply put, there is nobody to date. The people I want aren't interested, and I can't bring myself to go on a date with someone I'm not attracted to.
     
  18. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    I will admit that chatting up strangers is not and never will be my strong suit. My brother can literally start talking to someone and be their best friend in a couple of hours. Ok, I exaggerate, but I was not born with that gift. In the past, people saw me as unapproachable, standoffish, and once they got to know me better, as weird, scary, or whatever.

    I just wish I could stop caring so much whether people like me or not. It's a huge burden.

    Sometimes if I have to talk to people I just panic.
     
  19. IdoPiddleSome2

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    "Dating," as we're "...Carefully Taught," by our "Mainstream™" "moral-superiors" to picture it, is part of the larger doctrine of Conformity they preach and peddle. Are your clothes "right;" is your hair "right; are your eyeglasses (if allowed today) "right;" etc., etc., etc? How badly do you need to jump through the hoops they hold up? How badly do you need to play their games?

    I'm 63 and not on the make, or prone to play outside my own age-group (or above it). So I have no personal agenda in what I offer you. I didn't even sleep at a Holiday-Inn-Express®, last night or at all. But I was a pariah during most of my childhood and that taught me a few things. The short version is to Hell with conventional "Dating." No relationship that led to any woman becoming "the love-of-my-life," (briefly or for years), began with a date.

    Dating works nicely for some people, and God bless them. But it doesn't work for everyone, and that doesn't mean THEY have a problem. It works extremely well for people with something overpriced to sell you if you buy it, hoping thus to ensure your success on a date. But it's still about doing some questionable dance & crafting a first-impression. With respect, if you have to CRAFT a first-impression, then it's time to ask yourself why.

    Also with respect, you are HERE on SF, so that suggests to me you live outside of the "mainstream" rather than wading/swimming in it. Consider making personal acquaintances outside of the "mainstream," too! It's good to know where it is, but you don't have to get any of it on you. Never know who you might meet after Church, or in a Library, or in a bookstore--rather than in some poorly-lit eatery with booze & food & more booze & a movie ONE of you may not like! I'd say at a gun-range, but I don't know if those are even legal where you live, without putting your DNA on file. But go to someplace YOU have an interest in going (regardless of who may disapprove), and see who looks & sounds interesting without any drinking to lubricate things. I wish you success.
     
  20. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

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    That's really bad news. : (

    I hope you're wrong.
     
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