Afraid of sex....

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by luff, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. luff

    luff New Member

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    I've come to realize that one of my biggest problems with sex is fear. My parents never really had "the sex talk" with me, all I really got was, "It could ruin your life." *cue ominous look* But that simple statement seems to have stuck with me. I'll be turning 23 this summer...and I'm still afraid of sex.

    I'm afraid I'll catch an STD. I'm even more afraid that I'll get pregnant. I was so nervous my first time that I insisted my then boyfriend use a condom...on top of my Depo shot...and not for protection from STDs either, we were both virgins...I was afraid I'd be that tiny freakish statistic that makes you go, "Oooooh..." Mind you, the Depo was so effective that years later, my body still hasn't returned to normal. I don't think I could get pregnant yet even if I wanted to...and I'm still scared!

    I'm also afraid that my parents will find out somehow...and they'll yell at me and be ashamed if I decide to experiment in any way.

    My parents didn't mean to frighten me so badly when they gave me their version of "the sex talk" (at least I don't think they did....) but I guess I've just always been a more sensitive kid and they never noticed. Has anyone else ever experienced such debilitating fear that you can't allow yourself to relax and enjoy the moment? I'm seeing a counselor tomorrow but I'm not sure what type he/she is...would it be "acceptable" to discuss this with them or do you need like a "sex therapist" for that? >.> (I'm sure that would go over well with my parents...)
     
  2. Meee

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    Fly-by psychoanalysis:

    You may or may not be afraid of sex, but your post is dripping with fear of your parents.
     
  3. nurseharley

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    You're a grown woman, the umbilical cord has to be cut at some point so you can start living YOUR life the way YOU want. Stop worrying about your parents. Sex is normal and natural and part of being human.

    I'm sure your parents actually did want to frighten you into never wanting to have sex and unfortunately they succeeded. You can talk about anything with your counselor and this is definitely something you need to discuss
     
  4. luff

    luff New Member

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    Yeah, that sounds about right... >.>

    My Mom is really uptight. She won't dress up and if I mention wanting to look nice, she insists that there is no reason to because she has "nowhere to go". I said it's for your own self-esteem and she brushed me off. So I never really grew up around a feminine figure and was kind of raised as something of a tomboy.

    My Dad is really controlling and downright mean at times. Growing up with him was, put kindly, tough...real tough...hell, I'm all grown up and my parents still fight on almost a daily basis.

    It's kind of a mess, I hope that if I ever have kids I don't mess them up this badly... >.<

    Thank you, I appreciate it and I'll be sure to bring it up. =)
     
  5. Kermit

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    Your parents are only partially right. Sex itself cannot ruin your life, but diving into sex without some education on biology, having myths confronted thatyou may hear on teh street, contraception...etc. And so what if they find out someday? I mean...c'mon obviously your parents have had sex otherwise you wouldn't be here and you're 23, really who cares what they think about your personal life. It doesn't involve them. And perhaps they may expect you to be having sex already.

    If you're afriad of STD's do some research on the different kinds. But almost all can be prevented by a condom. Make sure you both are educated on how to use them and you'll be fine. The best way to make sure sex doesn't ruin your life is if you arm yourself with knowledge.

    I know you love your parents, but seriously, what you do with your vagina is none of their business, anymore their sex life is any of your business.
     
  6. Trond

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    You seem to think that sex is dangerous. LIFE is dangerous. You can't do anything if you're not willing to take any risks. Driving a car would be unthinkable. Don't waste your life living in your parents' over-protective (and slightly messed-up) bubble.
     
  7. pbs

    pbs
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    luff,

    I can really relate to your problem. My wife had an older brother who needed strict and heavy handed discipline. But his shy and sensitive younger sister, my wife, was very obedient and didn't need to be sledge hammered, but got it anyway, just because that's how the parents were used to dishing it out, and she got crushed. She's into her 60s now and still paying. They weren't bad parents, they just didn't realize what they were doing.
     
  8. CosmicEye

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    There is a time to try something new. There is no reason to be afraid. Granted that the first time is always the hardest. I feel like your more afraid of getting pregnant or an STD than having someone else invade your personal areas. It may also be the parents fault being very controlling but hell, they have to let their little girl go out and have a life. They cant be behind your back forever.

    I agree, research doesnt hurt. If your that concerned, just have him wear a condom. I think after the first time you're only ganna want more and more. Hopefully you'll soon feel confident enough and know that you can have sex without a condom (as long as your bf is clean). I hear that its way better for women and men alike to not have any interference with a condom. The Depo will do its job dont worry.
     
  9. Brokethemold

    Brokethemold New Member

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    Getting pregnant when you're not ready can be a big deal and really change your life.

    But if you take precautions, you can enjoy the pleasure of sex quite safely.

    If you have the safety bases covered, you can experience life's greatest element imho.
     
  10. giannoutso83

    giannoutso83 New Member

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    do what feels right, makes you happy and be safe. i think you haven othing to worry about have good head on your shoulders
     
  11. cbrmale

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    I started having sex in the 1970's when we didn't use condoms, ever! Never caught an STI, never made a girl pregnant (all of those girls were on the pill), and I had sex with countless partners during those several years. Sex is not dangerous, even the way we did all those years ago. Conservatives in the post-aids era have tried to make it seem that way, but it's not.

    My 19 year old daughter has a long-term boyfriend, and my talk to her was about her knowledge of pregancy protection and STIs (not an issue here 'cause they were virgins), but she learnt enough at school so that was all good. I also talked about love and romance and female arousal and a few things they don't talk about in school. I recommended birth control pills because they are more reliable than condoms, and that's what she and her boyfriend use. Nice pleasant sex is normal and natural for them, as it was for me, because that's the way we humans are.
     
  12. pbs

    pbs
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    It was brought to my attention a while ago just how lucky our generation was. We grew up between the cure of syphilis and the onset of HIV AIDS. The only thing we really had to worry about was pregnancy, and maybe the clap, with herpes a distant cloud on the horizon.
     
  13. Lake57

    Lake57 New Member

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    Enjoy your sex life is the one of the finest gifts of life. It has taken me a long time to come out and explore sex and to experiment with new types and styles. Enjoy yourself!!