Affairs, can they be healthy for a marriage?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by justaniceguy, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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    mmmmm, interesteing topic.....What do you personally think about affairs and brief sexual encounters.....Can they put spice back into your marriage or not....Ive heard that this works for some but then for others I suppose it does not......Me personally Im too honest cause if I had an affair, the guilt wud be there....
     
  2. Mittimer

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    Re: affairs......!!....can they be healthy for a marriage???

    No, unless you've both discussed an open relationship to allow for extramarital sex, then no, affairs are not "healthy" for a relationship.

    Having sex with someone behind your spouse's back is totally wrong.
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    I've heard of virtual affairs spicing up relationships, but on the sly (OK I had one). Sometimes a vgf or vbf can fill a void or need that SO cannot or will not, and if it can become "satisfied" without anyone getting hurt, no harm, no foul? Or not?
     
  4. 12barblues

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    Not sure how dishonesty can be a positive in a relationship. I'm with mitt.
     
  5. EthanAndrews

    EthanAndrews New Member

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    It's a total betrayal of trust to cheat on your significant other.
    People have to be pretty selfish to do this as it only benefits one partner in regards to spicing things up. The other partner has no idea about it and thus doesn't experience any of the so called "SPICE" anyways. It's very one-sided.

    I would never cheat on my wife just to add spice to my own life. Why would I hurt her just to that? Makes no sense to me.

    If you want to spice up the sex life, just talk to your significant other and work together so both of you can benefit. Chances are that you will feel a greater sense of spice in doing it that way anyways.

    My thoughts are that you might as well keep your conscience clean.... be worthy of trust.
     
  6. 12barblues

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    The spicing Up part , is the increased sex going on at home, due to the amped up libido of the straying partner.....I was on the receiving end of that when my ex had her affair.....all of a sudden we were at it all the time....that's when I started questioning...

    The sex got better, the marriage went to hell.
     
  7. almostthere

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    Im wit mitt and 12
    cant see how it would help
     
  8. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    HOW is cheating on your spouse healthy? It isn't. Maybe if you discuss it first, and both parties know, but even then there is still the jealousy. And jealousy is never healthy.
     
  9. backcheck64

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    Only a POS has an affair for ANY reason. It'll do nothing but undermine the marriage.
     
  10. CosmicEye

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    I think I see what he is asking. Cheating no of course not, but it might be something to think about if you find each other checking out other people like in a mall or something, not friends or family, just randoms. Seeing your SO saying 'your cute' with his/hers eyes is sorta hot as long as you 2 have a strong trustworthy bond like that. I would say "You were totally checking him out... would you fuck him/her?". "Yep.". You wouldn't fuck him/her though right unless I knew". "Never, your the love of my dreamscicles", or whatever sappy crap :) If your trust and love are great enough, something possibly hot is about to happen that that both of you can enjoy.
     
  11. igor

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    That was my experience. It was great while it lasted.
     
  12. cbrmale

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    The idea that affairs are bad, wrong and shall never be countenanced is really American, and a throwback to the strangely puritanical religious-dominance of American morality. Other parts of the world can have different views, especially the French but really all the Romance countries (Italy, Spain and Portugal). Indeed, the evil of affairs seems to be more protestant than anything else. Romance countries condone discreet affairs, not formal open marriages. For example, the funeral of former French president Mitterand with his wife Danielle and his mistress Anne.

    I echo Igor that affairs can fill a void which isn't being met otherwise, and can help a relationship which is good in other aspects stay together. Or sometimes it's necessary to broaden horizons and experiences once in a while. And many married men are having affairs with married women, so it works for both sexes.

    Affairs aren't bad, marriage is more than a contract for sexual monogamy (marriage has never been monogamous and never will be), and if you feel like you ought to have an affair then it's probably time to have one. But be discreet.
     
  13. EthanAndrews

    EthanAndrews New Member

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    Bottom line... If cheating is going to hurt your significant other... than don't cheat. When people get married (and expect their partners to be faithful), it's the responsibility of each partner to hold up their end of the bargain. The idea that anyone has to go around their partners back and sneak around and have sex, shows nothing but cowardice.

    If someone wants to have sex outside of a marriage, why not just talk to their partners about it and tell them what they're going to do before hand? At least be up front about it. If they're worried their partners will leave or get pissed, than they have to suck it up and deal with it or let it go. That's the right thing to do. People should always take their partners feelings into account. If people can't do that, they shouldn't be married.

    It just seems to me that if a person can't control themselves and not have the integrity to confront things like this in a relationship... they should be single.
     
    #13 EthanAndrews, Aug 25, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2012
  14. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    I believe the kind of spark we're talking about can be created without an affair. It becomes necessary when spouses have forgotten how they fell in lust with eachother to begin with.
     
  15. cbrmale

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    Did you actually read anything I wrote?
     
  16. 12barblues

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    Purely an honesty issue......I'm immune to religion so that has zero to do with it for me.....I just think if you love someone they should know whats going on...
     
  17. CurvedUp

    CurvedUp Member

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    I would say no. At first maybe. But it lingers. Then the other will do it! From experience. Her then me. Would never live through that again. Been there twice.
     
  18. princessjay

    princessjay New Member

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    If you have to go fuck another person BESIDES the person you are in a relationship with to "spice" things up, then there is really something in your relationship that needs to be addressed. There are ways to put a spark back into a relationship without going to other people for sex. Then again, I think it really depends the kind of marriage/relationship you have.