affairs and marriage

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by justaniceguy, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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    hey guys, how many of you out there believe this philosophy!!

    Can having an affair make a marriage stronger?
    Cuckolding make a marriage stronger for some couples?
    being in a perfect marriage with just one partner and never anyone else..?


    please let me know...

    also if your partner was chatting a lot on lets say amicable terms to a man of the opposite sex.....Would be ok with that or could that open up a door for possible misery?
     
  2. boobjob

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    I believe marriage is a one on one promise between two people. I believe that an affair irrevocably breaks a bond between them. This has worked for me for 22 years. I may fantasize but I would in reality never have an affair.

    As for platonic relationships, they are possible. But they are tricky. It depends on the level of trust.
     
  3. backcheck64

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    I agree, ANY affiar breaks the trust forever. The marriage may survive, but there will always be a cloud of distrust that can't be overcome. If you marry the right woman, you won't need or want another person.

    This has worked for me for 25 yrs of marriage...been together in this manner for 30. If you don't believe you can or should stay faithful, don't get married...PERIOD.
     
  4. AtkCCC

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    If you are talking about stepping out on the side...Bad bad idea. Nothinggood could come from it.

    If you are talking about exploring together, that is a different subject.
     
  5. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    my husband had an affair this summer..... it was crushing at the time, but we've put a lot of work into our marriage, including counseling, and our relationship is stronger than its been in years... but thats just us.
     
  6. CreamyJustice

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    Strictly on the affair aspect, I don't think I could handle it. I've read books on relationships and many people who have been married for decades have endured fidelity issues such as this and have overcome it. Now, to what extent the level of trust has been damaged, I will never know. I think the love should trump any act of indecency. Some say shit happens, and it does, but I believe if you're more cerebral in your thinking before acting than certain acts wouldn't be committed. I can see, being upset or feeling neglected or even being seduced or tempted beyond control...but I must think if it will be worth it, the aftermath of said act or just the consequences of being found out. The answer is usually no. I truly believe some people think they're never going to get found out and if they are they play the "I'm human, I make mistakes" card......its complete BS because its easily preventable. I'm not saying the average person doesn't make mistakes but I just feel, you should take into consideration the hurt this is bound to cause.

    Some texts argue that we aren't monogamous by nature anyway. And that brings up a good question. You can be with a person for YEARS and never cheat or have an affair but does that include those who decide to 'explore together' as a PP has stated? The desire is still there to seek out other parties for sexual fulfillment. Can we truly be monogamous?
     
  7. boobjob

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    This is a good point. Love ios all about forgiveness and no marriage is going to last without the capacity to forgive. Redics is a lucky guy to have a girl like you.
     
  8. boobjob

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    Creamy: you make some good points also. The monagamy issue has been debated here before. Count me on the side of monogamy.
     
  9. backcheck64

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    Most things can be forgiven, but the ultimate act of betrayal...no. Vows are vows.
     
  10. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    "Love ios all about forgiveness and no marriage is going to last without the capacity to forgive. Redics is a lucky guy to have a girl like you"

    yes boobs, yes he is. and we both know it. i did leave when he told me, but i wasn't any more than 20 feet out the door before i knew i didn't want to be without him. i turned around and he was behind me. granted, i punched him several times, but we both knew that we wanted each other and everything else we could fix.
     
  11. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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    yes guys, good comments, gud opinions there.....If you get married then that should really mean the 2 of you are committed to each other, only if the both of you decide to have an open marriage or whatever it may be then thats between the both of you....Again that wud be a gamble and a test for both of you.......and your relationship......My wife was seeing her ex husband 3 years ago, something inside me thought that she still had feelings for him and so I let go let her take the whole bundle of string to see if thats what she really wanted.......It was a gamble from my point of view but I didnt want her to go through and me knowing that she had feeling for him rather than for me.....In the end she wanted me......If I ever found out though she was straying with him then I wud throw her out for real.......
     
  12. boobjob

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    Interesting. We were almost agreeing with each other for once. We agree that fidelity is important. In fact most important. But I think that our slight difference on this subjecthelps me understand a basic difference in you. You are a perfectionist you demand the best in everything. Whether it be your sons hockey skills or their academics. Whether it be your wifes fitness or her active libido or even from things like cameras and bikes. I've always felt that when I try to make everything perfect I only see greater imperfections. I respect your view and I admire it. I envy it in some ways. But I also know that by accepting less than perfection I find love where it may otherwise have been lost. It sounds like redicsgirl has truelove. I admire and envy that also.

    In a sense I guess my question is this. Is the challange to be perfect and have perfection greater than the challange to see past imperfections and love regardless of infidelity. I don't advocate infidelity but maybe this is what OP meant by making a relationship stronger. Sort of like "no pain, no gain".

    My wife doesn't have a perfect figure but I love her just the same. My bike is a 10 year old GT with a heavy frame instead of a high tech carbon machine and clunky gears instead of smooth seamless shifters but when I finish a century in the Adirondacks I loved it just the same. Redic cheated but she loves him and maybe the challenge to love him him makes the bond that much stronger.
     
  13. backcheck64

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    I don't demand perfection, my kids are self motivated. When it comes to grades or sports perfomance, they don't expect any less than the best they can do, it may be an inherited trait. My son and daughter know what they want to do and will do what it takes to ensure success. When it comes to purchased items, I buy the best I can afford. I research the hell out of items before purchase to ensure the absolute best I can work into the budget....that is only smart. I can't afford a Canon 1Ds Mark III, but the Canon 7D is very close (articles state Canon made the 7D too good) and a 7D was in the budget. Would I like a full carbon Specilized, yes, but for the money, the Fuji Newest was the best bike in my budget. Would I like a 370Z Nismo, yes, but budget and needs have me in a Honda Odyssey.....same price but much more practicle. As far as my wifes fitness, that's all her. We've always been active, and she's always for the mostpart worked out. She did have a laps after the two kids were born and put on quite a bit of weight and stopped exercising...then one day she looked in the mirror and saw her mother, which scared the shit out of her and she dropped all the weight plus some.

    True love is a two way street. It takes true love on both sides, and cheating should never enter the mind of either. We dated 5 years before we married. We knew what our level of love was. And when it comes to a partner for life, you HAVE to do your research.
     
  14. JonJo

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    What everybody seems to be missing is that 'love' in a marriage does not necessarily overcome or make up for strong/raging frustration.
    Example: Woman of 38, 'happily' married for 20 years, with four kids early in the marriage, except for the last eleven years her husband has shown her no sexual 'attention' except for the increasingly rare self satisfying quick f*ck. She has long ago given up on trying to talk over the subject because he is the type to think that as his 'needs' have reduced then so should hers.
    Is she wrong to seek gratification of her frustration outside the marriage, without him knowing, if the 'removal' of her frustration makes her lack of sex in the marriage bearable?