Affair - do you tell?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Davidiscurious, May 27, 2014.

?

Should I tell her?

  1. Yes

    60.0%
  2. No

    40.0%
  1. Davidiscurious

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    Without the details, my wife had an affair years ago. We got through it and moved on. Due to menopause, our sex life has been nonexistent for a few years. I have since had two affairs. One lasted a month or so and the other lasted two nights.

    We are working through some things now, and I'm hoping things are getting better.

    If she asks, should I tell her I had an affair?
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    So you were hurt when she did it and then you went and did it to her twice?! What the actual hell man? Did you ever think of actually talking to her instead of going out and fucking someone else?
     
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  3. Davidiscurious

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    I did talk to her, but sex has been nonexistent and she hasn't even tried until recently. I know what I did was wrong, but do I tell her about it?
     
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  4. AGFUNK

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    Yes, you tell her. She told you didn't she? And she has a right to know. I seriously hope you used protection. Two wrongs don't make a right.
     
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  5. Davidiscurious

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    Actually, she didn't tell me, I caught her.
     
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  6. AGFUNK

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    Ah well that changes things. What was the reason she cheated?
     
  7. Davidiscurious

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    I was traveling a lot, we had young kids at home and felt neglected. Stay at home dad on the street stepped in. This was a long time ago though.
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    You both should go to counseling and work out your issues. You should still tell her.
     
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  9. Davidiscurious

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    Thanks
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    Two wrong never make a right but neither does no sex.
    Catch 22!
     
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  11. boobjob

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    Talk to a counselor, and tell her in the context of that. Be ready for consequences.
     
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  12. Davidiscurious

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    Thanks for the advice. She is seeing a counselor now, which is something I've wanted for a long time. Maybe we will go together at some point.
     
  13. boobjob

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    Don't put it off. You should get a second counselor for the two of you. She may have told her counselor things that are intended to be private,
     
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  14. luvbug

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    Yes she deserves to know!!
     
  15. Davidiscurious

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    Update.

    I told her yesterday and came clean. Her response?

    She has been having another affair. For over a year she has been fucking one of the guys at our club.
     
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  16. AGFUNK

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    Have you guys ever thought about an open marriage? It's either that or leave each other. I really don't think she will stop and you might have another yourself. It would be healthier for your relationship if you both choose to stay married to have an open marriage.
     
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  17. Davidiscurious

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    No. We haven't had that discussion. We are both going to see her therapist tomorrow.
     
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  18. AGFUNK

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    Well it's something to think about if you both want to move forward. I hope it turns out like you want it to.
     
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  19. 10_3XL

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    At least she wasn't screwing her therapist....? How awkward would THAT be when you go into that appointment?!
     
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  20. ply

    ply
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    The heck with that counseling. Anymore they are coming after your guns for seeing a counselor. I enjoy shooting sports far to much to ever risk seeing any kind of counselor.