advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by rugbylad82, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    Where do i start:

    OK i love my girlfirend of very nearly 7 years very much, she makes me laugh every morning before i even get up, we think things at the same time so often its spooky and we are vest friends. Our relationship is perfect in every way except one.

    I am horny all the time and she isnt. We have talked about about it and she says she loves all of our sex life, but she just doesnt feel the need anywhere near as often as me.

    I think the isssue is more with me as we have sex on average of once a day sometimes not at all on some week days but we will make up for it at weekend if you know what i mean so it averages out probably 7 times a week. So from speaking to people i know its not like we have sex too little after a 7 year relationship. So its not that.

    I think its that i am just horny all the time. Even if we have sex twice in a day i can masturbate 2 to 3 times that day and we dont then i "have to" masturbate at least twice. Anyway you get the idea.

    The problem is more and more often i am starting to see other women and find them attractive enough to think about them when i masturbate, or to want to chat with other women while i masturbate this idea also turns me on ( i havent done this). However as i have said, i love my girlfriend very much and would never sleep with anyone else (at least i like to think i wouldnt), but i need some advice is it ok for me to seek release in other places (cyber etc), i know she wouldnt like it, but my urges are hard to ignore.

    All advice much appreciated. (sorry about the ramble)
     
  2. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

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    First and foremost, i want to reinforce the fact that there is nothing wrong with a little "supplemental" masturbation. And, for the most part, so long as these other women continue to only be fantasy, I dont particularly see an issue there as well, as long as your gf continues to be #1.

    As to seeking release via other means, if you know its not something she would approve of, such as cyber, then dont do it. It puts you in a lose-lose situation...she'd be mad if she knew, and you'll be stressed because you'd be hiding it from her. Stick with workin your stick when you have to, but thats it in that regard.

    You said you've talked before, but have you distinctly mentioned that you need a bit more "attention" than she feels the need for? Sex every day is great, and sex more than once a day is definetly better... But perhaps talk to her about making that "once a day on average" a bit longer. Ya kno?
     
  3. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I'd say before you jump into anything that your GF might get upset about, just talk to her openly and honestly. Tell her your sex drive is higher than hers, that's a physical thing and there's nothing right or wrong about it. Ask her what you (or both of you) can do to knock her libido up a notch first. Maybe some simple things from you would increase her sex drive? I think it's really, really important that you consider her first and ask her what you can do for her that might give her libido a boost! Do your best to make her feel very, very comfortable answering that question, and who knows, you might get some surprises that you can act on!

    If she just isn't interested in boosting her libido and is happy with the way things are, then don't pressure her about it. It would seem reasonable to then perhaps ask her gently about how she'd feel about you cybering. Make sure you make it clear to her that she's still #1 and will always be, and that you just need an additional release. If she loves you and she wants you to be happy, then it just seems to me that she'd help you both work toward a solution (although you have to consider that sometimes inhibitions, insecurities, etc. might make augmenting difficult). You really don't want to make her feel like she's just "not enough" for you, ya know? So, approach it really delicately and be very considerate of her feelings about it. If she's OK with you watching porn, then I personally think cybersex kinda falls into the same "fantasy" category, so as long as she realizes it's "fantasy" moreso than reality, I'd think she'd probably be OK with it. You may feel the temptation to go hook-up for real with the person you are cybering with, so expect that and know how you'd handle that temptation before you start to feel it (and whatever works for you and your GF is fine here, it's entirely up to you two). Who knows, if you let her read your erotic chats, she might find out that has some turn-on value for her!

    BD
     
  4. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    Great advice, we have talked about this before we have a very open relationship with regards to sharing feelings with each other as i have mentioned in other threads, and we have done a few things to step up her libido, but its just never gonna be the same as mine.

    As for the talking to her about the cyber etc that is probably my next option, but i dont want to hurt her and i think that the suggestion will do that even if she thinks its best and agrees as im pretty sure she will take my need to do that to heart.

    Keep the advice coming though, i need it.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    "i know she wouldnt like it, but my urges are hard to ignore."

    If you know she wouldn't like it, but you do it anyway, I think that's a form of cheating. You don't need to cyber to masturbate, so I wouldn't -- not if it means doing it secretly behind her back.

    Maybe you two can come to a compromise. Instead of having sex every day, have it every day and a half. For a relationship to be really good it takes both communication and compromise -- and a few other things like love, caring and honesty.

    Just because your urges are hard to ignore doesn't mean you must act on them.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    I'm not so sure finding ways to take care of you sexual needs beyond your girlfriend is the right thing to ponder, or if amping up her sex drive is what needs to be done.

    I'm no shrink, but it sounds to me like you are obsessed with getting off and perhaps you need to figure out why.

     
  7. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    Both of these are fair points. CL the point was i dont want to find another way what i want is some advice of how i can avoid doing just that, without hurting her feelings by letting her think she is not enough for me which she is. Sorry if i wasnt clear on that i tend to ramble more when i tpe than i do when i talk.

    Joe i do ignore my urges thast kinds the point, but it doesnt change the fact they are there.

    And no i dont think im obsessed not by any means i just feel the need to do it a lot, but i have spoken to a lot of guys about this and while i think its more than average i dont think its abnormal. CL i was actually looking for to yours and BD advice the most as reading through the forum i have found your advice to be quite good, however i think maybe you have misunderstood my original post.
     
  8. Barbwire

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    "I think its that i am just horny all the time. Even if we have sex twice in a day i can masturbate 2 to 3 times that day and we dont then i "have to" masturbate at least twice. Anyway you get the idea."

    No, I think I understand the situation quite well.
     
  9. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    yes i have to masturbate if i dont have sex, i still dont see a problem there im afraid. and what i said is i "can" masturbate 2-3 times if we do have sex, not that i "always" do, dont see the problem there.
     
  10. FlirtyChick

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    Rugby, there are people in this thread that masterbate alot, and there is nothing wrong with that. I agree with BD, just talk to her. Tell her that your sex drive is higher than hers and talk to her about you masterbating, or better yet, she masturbating you. Explain how much you love her, and that is not that you need anyone but her, but you need an outlet. Personally, I think maturbation is the best choice, because you already think she will hurt by the mention of cybering. But you never know until you ask. Hell, masturbation is a personal thing, and it is not cheating. Just wank off in the shower dude. I also agree that cybering without telling her is cheating. When you make something sexual with another person secret from your SO then you are cheating. I hope it works out....
     
  11. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    ok a bit of an update, i am taking my girlfriend to see Man Utd v villareal tomorrow night, i know many of you will have no idea what this means but what it does mean is we will be in the car for an hour on the way back, at that point i plan to talk to her about everything including cyber/camming etc.

    Wish me luck!
     
  12. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    I know what Man Utd. means - hope they win this time although I'm more of a Liverpool fan ;)

    As for your situation... it really does suck when your sexual needs aren't quite compatible. And seriously... I don't see how in the world the poor woman is supposed to "pick up that libido a notch" :ugh

    I think 7 days a week on average is VERY good for a couple who has been together this long.

    Have you talked to a doctor about how high your "hormone activity" is? Not saying it's abnormal or anything... but it must get pretty frustrating for you being horny all the time.
     
  13. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Good Luck with your chat. I hope all parties are satisfied with the outcome :)
     
  14. FlirtyChick

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    Let us know what happens, hun! LUCK!
     
  15. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    well we had our chat and it went really well she was really understanding. She does not want me trying anything to extreme for now eg cyber etc because she wants to try some other stuff first that doesnt involve me actually talking to other women while masturbating. Hopefully these ideas will resolve our problems, any advice as to what we could do without crossing that line. Also she would be keen to be involved in some way if not directly, watching etc.
     
  16. FlirtyChick

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    I am so glad that you communicated and that she was so understanding! Bonus! She could do lots of things to be involved. Have her call you and engage you in phone sex. She could also dance for you or give you a lap dance while you masturbate. There's also the good old hand job! Just keep talking to her, ask her what she would be interesting in doing. I am so glad that she is open...that means your horizon could be great!
     
  17. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    thanks FC yeah it was definately the right thing to do.
     
  18. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    ok quick update, we just spent some time watching porn looking apics of various women on the net while she talked dirty and commented on the girls etc, was great fun.

    P.S: FC she liked your avatar very much and thinks BD is very lucky man.
     
  19. FlirtyChick

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    Oh, I am blushing! Tell her thanks for the compliment!!! Tell her I think she is a lucky lady ;)
     
  20. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Openness and honesty is always the best policy, IMHO!

    BD