Advice please

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Firecracker, Jul 8, 2007.

  1. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    This doesn't have to do with sex; but I'd like some advice regarding the situation between my boyfriend and I. First a little background. My boyfriend and I were friends for a while before we got into this relationship. We had slept together beforehand. My boyfriend moved back to Texas over a year ago to be with his ex girlfriend. In August of last year she was killed in a car accident. He later found out she had been cheating on him with numerous guys because he was able to read her ims. Fast forward to March 20th of this year when I came down to Texas to be with my boyfriend and to try to have a relationship with him.

    It seemed to be going well between us when I was first here. But then money problems started happening. He was forced to get another job in addiction to his full time job. That has been a strain on us. Also the fact that July 26th would have been his ex's birthday and August 11th is when she died don't make it any easier. He still has feelings for another woman who is with someone else. Lately, we've been growing apart. We're always honest and open with each other regarding how we're feeling. I'm trying to reconnect with him; but it's hard. He doesn't want to show any kind of physical affection which makes it really hard. I was in a marriage like that and that is one of the reasons why I got divorced. What do I do? Not sure if trying will make a difference. I really love my boyfriend and want to make it work.
     
  2. Paula

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    realy would like to help you but do'nt know how

    sorry. succes i hope you will get an answer
     
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I,m with P Girl on that question,
    I can only say that you have your self to look after.
    Lay the feelings aside for awhile if you can and take a good look
    at your situation (It does not look good to me) Then make a hard decision
    and do what you think is right FOR YOU.

    Hiker
     
  4. 123imax

    123imax New Member

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    I think its one of those crappy situations life throws at you where no matter how much you want something it just wont work. Is there anything you used to do together like a hobby or something which might help you reconnect? or even some place you used to go which was special to you guys? the only other thing i can think of is councelling
     
  5. FireGuy

    FireGuy New Member

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    Sounds to me as if he hasn't had the time to grieve, his ex is killed, then you move in, life takes over, he has feelings for another girl and so on.

    Right now you need to let him go. Look out for yourself, let him know that you'll always be there for him, he's confused, he's been through alot.

    The best thing for you to do right now is to give him his space, if it's meant to be you'll re kindle a close friendship again and things will go from there. You have to be friends for awhile before it's going to progress.

    In the meantime, take care of yourself, do what you have to do for you! Also as sad as it may sound, don't wait for him, with everything that's happened it's time to move on in your life just as it is for him.

    Face it, as it sounds right now, you're basically roomates. It's one of those situations where only time is going to tell, the questions is, how much time?

    Nobody will be able to tell you. Just be his friend and support him, let time take care of the rest, no matter what happens he'll always be appreciative of that.
     
  6. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    Thanks for the advice

    We don't really have any hobbies. But we did go to a festival together over the weekend. I think we had a breakthrough today. Before he left for work we talked about what's been going on and our reactions to it. He said that my moodiness lately has been pushing him away. That that is why he hasn't wanted to be close to me. We need to keep the lines of communication open. I'm always there for him to talk to and it's the same for me. I'm going to make a dinner I know he will enjoy tonight. I'll give him space too if he says he needs it.
     
  7. Hertoy

    Hertoy New Member

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    Good luck firecracker I hope it all worksout for you!
     
  8. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    Things are improving between my boyfriend and I

    Yesterday I washed his uniforms, made a nice dinner and burned some DS9 episodes for him. He really appreciated my efforts. I'm going to make an effort to not be moody and say right away what's on my mind. Hope things continue to get back to normal.