Advice on 3some

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by El Chalupacabra, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. El Chalupacabra

    El Chalupacabra New Member

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    Hi, I am new here.

    I am a guy and I am 43. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who is 52. We are both straight, and our relationship is perfectly fine, and have been together for a little over 5 years. I am very happy with every aspect of our relationship, and we have a good sex life. To be honest, I am more or less vanilla but open minded, and my girlfriend is more adventurous.

    However, I have had a fantasy of having a 3 some. My girlfriend has a long time platonic friend of over 20 years who is a lesbian, and they are like sisters and it has always been platonic (I jokingly asked once). I consider my girlfriend's friend to be my friend as well, and she considers me a friend, too. Now, even though she identifies as a lesbian, her friend has had sex with men before, and currently hasn't had sex in 6 years because she is a divorced mom (the "husband" actually being her former wife, and her son was actually from a sperm donor), and she works a lot and just doesn't get out a lot. She even has joked a couple times that maybe she should just break down and have sex with a guy, just because she is that hard up, but I honestly don't know how serious that was. She also lives out of state (MN), and visits here in AZ once a year, usually in the summer.

    My girlfriend is straight, but says she has kissed a girl before more as a curiosity thing, and is not disgusted by lesbian sex. In fact, she and I have watched lesbian porn together, and she gets turned on. She even said that if she was not enough for me, she would be open to a possible 3-some, but in reality she is all I need. And she has told me she doesn't need a threesome, either, and would only do it for me to make me happy (which makes me feel a little guilty, because I won't ask her to do something she didn't want to do...I care for her and love her. she is my best friend). So my girlfriend being with another woman is just something she would not likely seek out on her own. AND this conversation took place a while ago long before I met her lesbian friend.

    Anyway, I have had a fantasy for a while, where my girlfriend, her lesbian friend and I all go out drinking, and come back home for a 3 some. I fantasize about me and my girlfriend's lesbian friend double teaming her: taking turns going down on my girlfriend, maybe both of us eating her out at the same time, watching her and my girlfriend have sex, and maybe even fuck her friend, while she eats my girlfriend.

    Now I am very happy with my girlfriend, and I don't "need" this fantasy. It is just something that if it did happen, it would be awesome. I would never cheat on my girlfriend, either. Also, the idea of posting an ad online to get some other girl for a 3some really doesn't turn me on. It's just the idea of her friend, my girlfriend, and I that appeals to me. And I am not sure why, exactly, because I would never have sex with her friend, unless my girlfriend was there. Also, I have never told my girlfriend about this fantasy.

    Basically, I am not sure if I should tell her, because I don't want to mess things up between my girlfriend and I. Even though my girlfriend might go for a 3 some, I don't know if she would go for it being her friend. Likewise, I don't know if her friend would go for it, either, even if my girlfriend would. Has anyone been in this exact situation, or know someone who has? Should I just keep this to myself, or what?
     
  2. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    Just a guess, but I would think she might not want to screw up her friendship with her friend by turning it sexual.
     
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  3. lbushwalker

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    Intriguing situation and concept and in your place I would be very tempted assuming I liked the said GF enough to be naked and sharing with her your lover.
    The issue I see is that once the genie is out of the bottle it ain't ever going back in!
    It could turn out great but there are some disturbing possible alternatives as I see them and you could so easily be the ultimate loser because from your own words I detect that you are the least secure in your current relationship and therefore the most vulnerable.
     
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  4. El Chalupacabra

    El Chalupacabra New Member

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    Thank you for the responses everyone. Much appreciated.

    That has crossed my mind for sure. And I would not want her to ruin a friendship.

    So, I've been assessing the pro's and cons here.

    The obvious plus side is we all end up having some awesome sex. And it could even be an ongoing thing,whenever her friend visits Phoenix.

    But here are the negatives as I see it:

    1. I could bring this fantasy up to my GF, but she could be pissed. I don't know if pissed enough to break up, but might be one of those things she is pissed, but keeps it to herself, and it just bugs her for a long time.
    2. Even if my GF is cool with the idea, it still needs to be brought up to her friend. She could either be pissed at me, pissed at us both, Just because her friend has had sex with guys, doesn't mean she is in to me. Also, just because she is a lesbian doesn't mean she would be into my girlfriend.
    3. Even if all parties agree, things could get awkward afterwards. Like someone gets jealous, or just has regrets.

    Does that sound like it sums up the situation?
     
  5. lbushwalker

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    It all needs to be done tactfully and at the right moment in time.
    You would need to catch your GF in a relaxed playful mood and casually bring up the subject maybe with an entry like; wouldn't it be fun for the three of us could play together like that (assuming you are watching bi porn) or some other relaxed occasion. At that point you can gauge the reception and either discontinue the subject and let it go or just let her process the idea and wait for her to come back with some of her own ideas. You have to let her own it then if she is keen it has to be she who mentions the possibility to her GF.
    This situation has the very real potential to benefit everyone in a non committed way.
    Your GF experiencing G on G without feeling that she really is acting "gay", the lesbian lady getting some and then some more of what she needs and the way I see it, you get to have a magic and fantastic experience not many of us would get the chance to have.
    Good luck and I kind of wish it were me in your shoes ;)
     
    #5 lbushwalker, Sep 26, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015
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  6. El Chalupacabra

    El Chalupacabra New Member

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    Yeah, I guess the biggest thing I am having an issue is trying to decide if this is all a fantasy I am having, or if there is a real shot of this happening. My GF's friend is a very nice person, and I guess you can say she is a girly girl, and she is sort of touchy feely. The two of them have been friends for over 20 years, and been there for each other when they each had bad relationships. Our friend says she really likes me because I treat my GF well, something my GF, or she for that matter, hasn't had before (she had been abused by men, and her lesbian relationships all ended badly).

    The last time we all got together and were visiting and drinking at another friend's house party, my GF's friend sat in my lap for like 20 minutes or more. It seemed innocent, and she hugged me more like a friend would, and it wasn't like she was grinding or anything, but it was really hard for me not to get hard. She even made a couple comments to my GF how she thought I was the best looking guy my GF has dated, but I took that as a compliment, not that she was implying anything.

    Also, one time, my girlfriend she would do a 3some with another girl if it was something I really wanted to do. Another time when we were both buzzed, my GF said she would like to watch me do another girl, just to watch me have sex. And you know, I would love to watch my GF have sex with another woman, too. The only thing is most of the time it is just my GF and I. We don't go out a lot, and I am leery of posting an ad on craigslist or something. So to me, it just makes sense we ask her friend to have a 3some. She's someone we know likes women, and she is someone we know, and since she is our friend, is someone we can trust.

    That all said, and while I DO want to have a 3some with them both, it is a BIG question mark to me as to how each would react if I asked for a 3some. What if everything that has been said or done by them that leads me to think they are open to something like this, is just wishful thinking on my part, and I am basically letting my fantasy over ride rational thought? Also I am not a pushy guy, and when my girlfriend asked if I wanted a 3some a while back, I told her she was all I needed, which is true. I'd liek a 3some, but not at the expense of messing things up. So maybe now she thinks I don't want a 3some, and if I bring this fantasy up now, what if she misunderstands and thinks I am trying to dump her?I could really fuck things up here. I would love hearing from a few ladies to get their perspective on this.
     
    #6 El Chalupacabra, Sep 26, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015