Advice Needed!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by flying_guy, Feb 3, 2011.

  1. flying_guy

    flying_guy New Member

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    My GF and I have been together for almost 3 wonderful years and I adore her for all that I am worth.

    We've always been very sexual and often crave each other more than legally allowed (LOL). Here's the problem: Although the sex is AWESOME, I often feel that it's a one-sided affair with her mostly getting what she want before, during and after sex. Last night we tried 69 for the first time ever and we both loved it but I still feel like she could be more accomodating of my needs and wants.

    I would love a chance to cum in her mouth but it's a no no. I'd love to try anal - anything anal - but alas that's also not allowed. And lastly, like most men, I would love a MFF threesome or even just watching her with another woman. She's open to the idea but she says it's too risky for me to be around the other woman in that situation. She's not even interested in my defence argument - I'd never cheat on her or even do something in front of her that she wouldn't be ahppy with.

    I'm stumped here. I would like to know the best way to go about "getting my way" without hurting her or causing an argument. Any advice folks? oh I'm 22 and she's 23 if it impacts your answer.
     
  2. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    Sex is a two way street. It is about two people connecting with each other in the most intimate way. It sounds like there are some sex acts that she just doesn't want. Many people are turned off by anal sex. My wife and I experimented a little with it but it never really caught on for us. Lots of women don't like the taste or consistency of semen or don't like the sudden spurt of ejaculation. As for threesomes, you are getting real kinky with that so its no surprise she's not interested. My wife and I always found that when it it came to expandinding our sexual horizons it is best to go gradually. Maybe if you come on her stomach or chest you can lick her clean and tell her it tastes good. Than you can ask her to give it a taste. If she likes it warn her when you're gonna cum during a BJ and then tell her it feels so good please take me all the way. Be understanding if she declines. My wife and I discovered anal by accident really take a loo at my story first anal in the erotic lit forum. Bottom line though is you have to compromise.
     
  3. Bretright

    Bretright New Member

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    My wife and I tried a threesome for the first time not too long ago. I kind of knew she would enjoy it but she never told me. I caught her making out with her best friend and well, to make a long story short, I ended up fucking her friend when her friend was giving her oral. The next day my wife decided I couldnt fuck her friend anymore, but she would still do a threesome. We'll se how it goes the next time. As for you, take it slow and get her to talk about the threesome thing. The cum in the mouth thing.....good luck. I have only been with one girl who liked it and she absolutely LOVED it. Unfortunately, she is not my wife.
     
  4. nurseharley

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    what makes her think it's too 'risky' for you to be around another woman?
     
  5. redlacesexblog

    redlacesexblog New Member

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    Well, I am a swallower. But semen can taste good or rancid, so it depends. Drinking sweet juices makes it taste better, if that helps.

    As for trying things? I see both sides. Yes, I believe people should try to satisfy the other. But I also believe people shouldn't be forced into something they're not comfortable with.

    Sigh. Wish I could be more help. Perhaps start by asking if you could rim her rear? If she gets pleasure from that, maybe fingers and then maybe anal?
     
  6. flying_guy

    flying_guy New Member

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    Thanks for the advice folks. It's much appreciated. I think the main problem is that she doesn't even entertain the thought of trying the things mentioned above - except the threesome. If she at least thought about it before the usual blunt "no" I have come to expect, I would probably understand and accept it.

    SWL, to answer your question: I have no idea. I have never and will never be unfaithful to her and can't therefore see the "risk" that she's talking about. Personally, I don't even think I give off any signs that I would cheat.

    A bit of extra info: She has made it clear in the past and as recent as last night, that she would love to see me being screwed by another man. To be honest, I am willing to give it a go and if it pleases her, all the better. But, it makes me more angry as anything I suggest isn't good enough for her. I would start refusing things she wants but the things she wants make up the basis of our sex and would therefore cause problems.

    I'm at my wits end now. We had another argument about it this morning.

    By the way, as was implied in an earlier post, I would never force her into anything she didn't want to do. Besides the downright wrong aspect, the act wouldn't be as exciting as if it was mutually desired!
     
    #6 flying_guy, Feb 4, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2011
  7. EscortBunny69

    EscortBunny69 New Member

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    It has a lot to do with the unknown (as it was for me) and also maybe she may have some bad memories from past experiences.

    Talk and talk and don't push it Good luck :)
     
  8. Stefanie

    Stefanie New Member

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    The first thing you need, before you can do any of this, is more communication in your relationship. Not arguments, not "no's" from her or from you, but a lot more communication. You need to know why. Why she says no, why you want to do more things with her, why she doesn't, why you feel like she gets what she wants all the time and what things you want but aren't getting, etc. You need to communicate all of this without any arguments or judgments, and while reassuring her that you love your sex life with her and she's amazing in bed, but you just need a little more variety.

    A no is not an acceptable answer, at least not all on it's own. A "no, and here is why I am uncomfortable with this/this does not turn me on/etc" is perfect, though. A no like that you can talk through. If she's uncomfortable with something, you can talk about why it makes her that way, what you can do to ease that discomfort, and you can tell her why you'd like to engage in a particular activity with her. If it doesn't turn her on, you can talk about things that DO turn her on and combine it with those things, if she is willing (and slowly!). You can ask her why it doesn't turn her on, as well - there might be a reason for that.

    Using anal for an example, some good questions to ask and simple solutions would be:

    Why don't you want to do anal? Are you uncomfortable with it? If so, why? For discomfort/pain - use plenty of lube and start very slowly over a period of time with gentle fingering along with clitoral stimulation (from a vibrator, tongue, or separate hand - do not go from back to front!), and after she is completely relaxed and enjoying it, move on to a little fingering, starting with JUST the tip and lots and lots of lube until she's asking for more. Remember to use finger condoms or dental dams for your safety. If it's that she feels like she wont be clean enough, take a shower together with her favorite soaps and giving her a relaxing massage afterward before moving on to the sex play.
    Are you not turned on by anal? If so, why? If it's the thought of cleanliness, see above. If it's something she's had a bad experience in the past with, assure her you wont move on from gentle stroking until she's ready, and include plenty of clitoral stimulation so that it feels good. Many women don't like anal stimulation on it's own.
    Is it something you would like to do to me, too? It might be helpful if you both do anal together. Many women don't want to do something if their partner has a double standard about it. Even if you don't, she might like to do the same to you and give you pleasure as well.

    The fact that you feel like you don't get to do anything you want and she gets everything she wants is a big problem. That can cause resentment and a lack of trust. It's just not fair in any relationship, and you need to talk with her about things and tell her that you feel that way. Telling her specifics might help - "We do, u, v, x, y, and z that you like, but I have mentioned a, b, c, d, e, and f that I would like to try and you have not been willing to try any of them. I love, x, y, and z, but I need some variety and would like to try a and b. Could you tell me why you don't want to try them and can we work through a solution so that we can try some of the tings I want to do to fulfill my wants without making you feel uncomfortable?"

    People are usually more understanding when they hear the "why." It gives you the ability to put yourself in their shoes and understand their motivation for wanting or not wanting something.
     
  9. flying_guy

    flying_guy New Member

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    Thanks for the wonderful reply, Stefanie. I really appreciate such a thorough and thought-provoking input. To be honest, the only thing that scares her away from anal is the pain. I managed to finger her anally in the bath once, and we both LOVED it! Since then, nothing.

    She knows I love anal too (me as the recipient) but we have not even ventured there lately.

    As for the threesome, I managed to get it out of her the other night that she's scared of me liking the other female a bit too much. To be honest, regardless of how hot she is or how good she is in the sack, my heart and body (to the necessary extent) belong to one woman only. I said we (me and the other female) would only do things in her company and with her permission and if she isn't comfortable with that, I would merely sit back and watch them (or get to work on my GF :p). She said we would have the MMF threesome first just for her to get used to it. She only wants to watch and have me during that encounter, which is why I'm happy to only have her during thr FFM encounter.

    Once again, thanks very much folks!

    Progress is slow but it's progress nonetheless