[Ask a Girl] Advice needed - What should I do?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by IloveSex415, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    I'm going to try to make this story as short as possible, if I left any details out - Feel free to ask me :).

    I'm in college, and there's this girl at school, she's in her mid 20's and I'm in my early 20's...When I first saw her I thought she was really pretty, smart, pleasant to be around, etc. I keep a journal, so naturally I wrote about her. We would have these moments where we would look at each other, awkward silence, and we would both laugh.

    I learned she was engaged, and her boyfriend doesn't live in the area, she moved out to California for school and he's in the East coast. We have class together and a classmate is married, and she's our age. I sincerely said to the girl that I like, "It's cool to care about someone, and be married, have that connection and have someone there for you." Since she's engaged, I was also implying that she's fortunate to always have someone there for her. She didn't agree with me. She gave me the impression that she would rather be single. Obviously there's pro's and con's for marriage/being engaged...

    She was running for treasurer for a club that we're in and I didn't vote for her. I voted for a friend I have known longer than her. She exclaimed that I didn't really know her or notice her at all. Which is the opposite! I always noticed her, wrote about her, wanted to get to know her.

    Since she has a fiance, I would never try to get in between them... I did want to tell her about my journal though, and that I did write about her.

    Her fiance and her have now broken up...I'm assuming they'll get back together, I'm not sure. I think they have been going out/engaged for a few years or so.

    I want to tell her about my journal, that's it. I probably wouldn't tell her the contents of her entry(s), but I want her to know that I did notice her and I love being around her. I would really like to date her, but there is her fiance, and now that they aren't together, it's still too soon...

    I don't want to regret not telling her about my journal, but I don't want things to be uncomfortable between her ex-fiance, or between her and I...
    I can't believe they broke up - shit happens though. What should I do?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    I suggest not telling her about your journal. Doing so would imply that you want her to know what's in it, or that she's aloud to read whats in it. I can only promise you that once you tell her and she finds out, she'll do one of two things.

    A) Think it's flattering and be curious and try to talk you into letting her see

    or

    B) Think it's slightly odd that someone she feels doesn't notice her keeps a journal and writes about her. It may come off slightly..odd. So it could creep her out.

    You're right, I as an engaged woman like to flirt, like to chat about naughty things with someone and yeah, I've had some bumps with my guy. She's thousands of miles away from him, it's going to be rough, really rough for her to maintain that relationship.

    Let it be, give her time, wait and see if they are going to work any of this out, jumping in the way now is just too big of a risk for you and her.


    Try talking to her about why they broke up. Be concerned, figure out if it's just a spat, if it's because of distance, if it's for good.. Does she have a ring? Is she still wearing the ring? That's a sign that she doesn't really want to end it.

    Step back, take a deep breath and really think about what you want to do.
     
  3. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    Hey Mittimer, Not sure if she has a ring. I've checked, but I don't recall. I agree it's odd, and creepy lol. I write about everything. I did ask her why they broke up and she said "he was being a jerk" haha, not too descriptive.

    I guess I could let her read it...She probably wouldn't be impressed, so I don't think it's not worth it. Thanks for your reply.
     
  4. young_gun_91

    young_gun_91 New Member

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    Gahhh, I keep getting logged out whenever I make a post. :yell

    Now to the OP, that was a very interesting post. Not to make light of your situation, but it was a good read. My initial instinct was to say tell her about the entries, but after reading Mittimer's posts I'm having second thoughts.

    The reason I was going to say to tell her was because you might regret it later. You don't want to be 40 years old wondering "what if" when it comes to the girl in your college that you wrote about in your journal. I relate to this in a way...to make a very long story short, I spent most of my junior year crushing on a girl I never got to be around(she liked me the year before, and I had my regrets). Turns out that she had a boyfriend the entire time. In senior year I finally got her in a class and talked to her. I wanted to tell her how much I liked her, really wanted her to know...but never actually told her. I thought I would regret that for the rest of my life, but I don't really find myself regretting it much. It could have creeped her the hell out, or it could have swept her off her feet...but who knows?

    Like Mittimer said above, you telling her about those journal entries could creep this girl out. It could also screw with her engagement to her husband. She might take it the wrong way...and it would seem like you were moving in on a weak moment. I know that's far from your intentions, but people don't always get where other people are coming from. There might be an appropriate time, but basically like Mittimer said that time probably isn't now.
     
  5. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    UPDATE:

    She does not have a ring... Not really sure why. I only know her side of the relationship. She told me that they barely talk on the phone. She hasn't seen him in three months ( she goes to school with me, and he live son the least coast). She said they have been fighting lately. He called her drunk one night, apparently he fell off a zip line. And he was being rude because he was drunk.

    I really want hang out with this girl. She says she wants to study with me, I'm not sure how much work we would get done. AND I asked for her number, and we're texting a little bit. I'm happy. She makes me feel really great, and I want to get to know her. I just love being around her.

    She's engaged. I won't expect anything, and I don't want her to leave him for me. But I do like her.
     
  6. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    "and I don't want her to leave him for me. But I do like her."

    I'm not trying to judge, but this statement seems very wishy-washy (for lack of a better term). Your getting into something here whether you want it or not, so you need to make up your mind right now as to what you want out of this and be very friggin clear about it to yourself and her too.

    If you want a relationship with her---then tell her.
    If you want to be friends-only, then tell her that.
    If you want to see if this can turn into something long-term, then go for it.

    But whatever you feel you want, you need to first, be sure of it yourself.
     
  7. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    Mate if I was you I definitely would NOT tell her about your journal. That is something you could bring up later down the track if you two got together and became totally comfortable with her, but telling her about it now would probably only freak her out.

    If I was you I would try to hang around her a bit to gauge whether she has yet moved past her engagement falling apart. If she's not yet over him then best you not get involved as you'll wind up getting hurt.

    If she is over him then start slow and work out if she's ready for another relationship yet. Try offering to meet up for coffee or lunch. Ask her out to dinner if you think she's into you. If she's ready for another relationship then you'll move forward. If she's not, you'll wind up getting hurt.

    Keep the journal quiet for now. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
     
  8. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    I may be wrong, but this reads a lot like the old problem of "I waited till she was over her ex, then some other guy caught her eye." Beautiful people don't stay single for long. We have no way of judging "where she is" with this whole engagement/break-up thing. But I can tell you that if you wait too long, you'll be permanently on her "friends-only" list.
     
  9. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    No reason he can't be the "other guy".

    This kind of relates to a post I was reading written recently by SteveWaste, can't remember which thread it was in. It related to women preferring partners who have the confidence to chase after them, let them know exactly what they want and not be too shy or nervous to let the woman know he's interested in her. It was a very well written post and insightful. I think this guy should read it and see if there's anything he can take away from it.
     
  10. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    I want her. I'm really attracted to her, at the same time I don't want to rush into things. I want to be friends and take it from there....

    I'm pretty sure she knows I like her. However, I don't think she's ready to break things off with her fiancee. We talk about her relationship and a lot of other things, so hopefully we'll stay close.

    I'll search for that thread :)
    Thanks for your replies
     
  11. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    That's what I kinda-thought you were getting at, but with text-only stuff like this, ya can't be sure about anything until ya come right out and ask...lol. So that's why I spelled it out like I did.

    There's definitely nothing at all wrong with being friends first, that's the way it should be for most people. I just don't want you to end up in the "ya snooze, ya lose" category. It seems like you really DO care for her.

    Sorry if my post might have came off as a little "rough". It's just that I've been in similar situations when I was younger and once I finally woke up and realized that I needed to SAY how I felt, everything fell into place much better.

    Good luck, man.
     
  12. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

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    I will probably not say anything and regret it later. It's weird how she fights with her fiancee, so she says. And they haven't seen each other in 3 months. AND they don't talk on the phone that much, so she says. And he calls her when he's drunk, and he acts like an asshole.
     
  13. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    I dunno man. I might wonder if she was really trying to say "I don't want the jerk anymore, but I don't want to be lonely either".......

    I'm not gonna keep "drilling the same hole" so to speak with you talking to her about how you feel. I just think that's about your only resolution at this point. I won't harp on it anymore :)