Adultery and Silverware

Discussion in 'Erotic Literature' started by BootyHunter, Aug 11, 2007.

  1. BootyHunter

    BootyHunter New Member

    Aug 9, 2007
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    There was no question that the knife, spoon and fork were acting out a love triangle that made the best episodes of Dallas and Dynasty look tame in comparison.

    The knife was handsome and quiet. Strong. He was Manliness. Gary Cooper. The spoon stood by his side. She was soft, beautiful, built to cradle and contain, and to nourish the young and the old and anyone else without teeth. Lovely. Donna Reed. (Not the real life Donna Reed, who apparently was a witch.)

    The knife and spoon: a beautiful couple. Domestic bliss, right?

    Except that across the plate lived ... the fork. Cunning, wicked, dangerous ... and irresistibly sexy. Her tines were sharp and she wasn't afraid to use them. Think Joan Collins – yes, as Alexis Colby. But perhaps more appropriately, from the way the fork lay on the napkin, Joan Collins as the Siren in Batman. Lounging ... and waiting for her prey ...

    In fact the analogy that occurred to me at the time came from the TV series Batman. The knife and the spoon were Batman (Adam West) and Batgirl (Yvonne Craig), respectively. (I don't know if Batman and Batgirl ever got it on but I certainly hoped they would.) The fork, of course, was Julie Newmar's Catwoman.

    The fork's goal was to take the knife away from the spoon. All she needed was a piece of meat or chicken and the deed was all but done: If she could just get the knife to cut between her tines, back and forth, then she would reign supreme – and the miserable spoon would drown herself in a bowl of split pea soup.

    But why would the knife give into temptation?! The spoon was so beautiful and kind and faithful.

    The answers: Knives are stupid. Remember Fatal Attraction? Michael Douglas (knife) giving into Glenn Close (fork) when he already had Anne Archer (spoon)? The perfect example.

    Some forks aren't successful: Joan Collins as Alexis (fork) was unable to rob Crystal Carrington (spoon) of her husband Blake (the short John Forsythe is really more of a butter knife).

    Likewise some love triangles don't fit the template: Yes, Bill Clinton (knife) did stray from Hillary (a soup spoon) for his dalliance with Monica Lewinsky (the ultimate spork).

    But the lessons of silverware and fidelity have stayed with me. Forks beware: You may get the knife. But there's a hot little dessert fork waiting up top to swoop down and finish off that knife while you're getting bussed out to the kitchen!