ADD/ADhD in a sexual partner problems

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Kahurin, Oct 5, 2007.

  1. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    I tryed to search for this thread here but couldnt find anything, so I thought I would ask.

    I'm currently with a person that has ADHD, my husband. I was wondering if anyone has had problems with a ADD tested person, with a low sex labido. Or knows anything relationship related to a ADD person with sex. Anything is helpful :D

    Im mainly interested in the sexual problems.
     
  2. Barbwire

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    I have ADHD. I was on meds for it and I found that they killed my libido. Once I went off, I was fine. I do tend to zone out during sex and think of other men, but it hasn't really made the sex bad, it's made it better.
     
  3. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    ADHD has such different manifestations in different people. Being ON my meds helps me sexually. When I haven't been taking it I get spacey and snappy and the last thing I want is sex.

    Because of its variable nature I would say you ought to have your husband talk to your doctor about his libido, and help figure out if it is the cause of his low libido, or if any medications that he's taking may be affecting him.
     
  4. Bluesy

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    Ok, that's odd. I know tons of people with ADD/ADHD, and none have ever complained of sexual SEs from their medication, though I understand that some people do experience paradoxical SEs from meds (I've had increased anxiety from Xanax--isn't that funky?). Which one were you taking, CL? I'll have to look it up and see if decreased libido is listed in the potential SEs. There are various classes of ADD drugs, so not all of them would affect your body chemistry the same way...you may have far better luck with a different med. I don't know if the amphetamine derivatives (like Ritalin) regulate dopamine, but decreased dopa levels are associated with ADD, and certain ADD meds are designed to increase dopa levels in the brain. Now, the problem with this is that you may experience increased libido since dopamine regulation is also tied in with sex drive. This is why Wellbutrin works so well for people who experience loss of libido on serotonin regulators (like Prozac and Celexa). Wellbutrin is an SNDI, the "D" is for dopamine, and it will get your sex drive humming.

    Which is a perfect segue for what I was about to tell Kahurin: He should look into getting on an ADD drug that regulates dopamine; it would kill two birds with one stone!
     
  5. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Generally speaking no. The only time that someone with ADD would be a problem for me is if that person was hung-up on their diagnosis, used it as an 'excuse' for why they could / could not do something and let it define their life. For me it is a diagnosis that describes a set of behaviors, it is not a pass, or a justification to get away with something.

    If the person that I was dating had ADD / ADHD, used it as a their excuse for their behavior I would have a problem with it. It would not be the ADD that I had a problem with but the fact that the person was using it as an 'excuse' to justify their actions. When a person uses a diagnosis to justify their actions it tells me that they have a problem coping with the diagnosis or that they have a larger emotional problem of being accountable for their actions in which they feel they should not be held accountable due to their diagnosis. At that point I would dump them and let them find someone that would by into their world view of not being accountable for certain actions due to their ADD / ADHD.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Bluesy, I was on Strattera. This may sound weird to some folks, but when I am stressed and anxious and my mind is going crazy, I get very horny. It's true. I have always had the opposite reaction to things that most people get. Pot makes me hyper. The one time I took speed, I fell asleep. I guess that's what happens living in your own personal Bizarro World. :phat
     
    #6 Barbwire, Oct 6, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2007
  7. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    I took Straterra as well... meds for things like adhd, depression and anxiety can affect everyone so differently
     
  8. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    Thats the thing though...hes not using it as an excuse at all...i just came to this conclusion by myself that it might effect our relationship. ADHD people have whats called hyperfocus well a sum of them. I know for a fact my husband has it. Hes so focused on playing World of Warcraft, we hardly do anything besides play WoW together.

    Hes joining the coast guard and by then i hope to let him talk to a therapist and so on to get medication or anything he wants to help himself out. We currently dont have insurance or anything so that has to wait :ugh

    But about his labido...honestly we cant figure it out. Everything we look up it says to see a sex therapist. He just has no drive for sex but like once a month haha.

    It has nothing to do with looks or how we feel about each other. I know this because when we do have sex. Its wonderful. And so open.

    It has nothing to do with timing. We have plenty of time.

    I used to think it was me. A year ago I gained a little weight, but as i stated before when we have sex its fine. he feels attracted to me the same way he has always felt. It just feels like thats not the problem.

    SO with all that i have a feeling it has to do with his ADD and focus. In alot of the relationship books Ive read or ADD books it says that alot of partners are worried about not feeling important or ignored but really its the add thier partner really cares about them...We just arent right in front of them at the moment of attention. I believe this is my ADD problem with my husband.

    I'm still wondering if anyone else has been in this situation
     
  9. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    hahaha change positions every 5 secs lol! I know they think about different things or many things at one time i wonder if he does do that haha. When i want to come to an orgasm i really have to concetrate on that to get in the mood. But he has never really had any problems finishing haha I think his problem is hes just not interested and i think alot of that has to do with ADD >.< i wonder if medicine would help that.
     
  10. Bluesy

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    ADD and libido aren't connected, but a dopamine-regulating ADD drug may increase his libido since increased dopa in the brain generally increases sex drive. Other than that, it's a myth that all men are crazy for sex...his libido may simply be lower than yours, but there are certain supplements that can help if he's interested.
     
  11. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    Yeah thats what i was reading in the book was about the dopamine thing lol

    But honestly...Once a month?! if that