Achieving the unachievable. Looking for some advice.

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by kaen, Sep 24, 2007.

  1. kaen

    kaen New Member

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    I am 21 and have been dating my girlfriend for over 10 months (nearly 11). We become sexually active around 7 months into the relationship and have been experimenting and learning about each others bodies for that time period. Its also important to note that this is my first girlfriend I have had any sexually experience with as well as her first boyfriend she has been sexually active with. She has been able to get me to get me to cum through blowjobs/intercourse but not handjobs. I on the other hand, have not been able to return the favor, but have been trying really hard too. We both teach each other and are pretty open with our bodies. She has told me how she likes it when it comes to fingering. She usually lays on her stomache and uses two fingers and uses a "come here" type motion with her two fingers upwards. She also usually closes her legs when she does this to reach her orgasm. I have watched her masturbate and learned through that to try to get her to her reach an orgasm.

    I have had her moaning quite a few times and she tells me I get her fairly close but I cannot seem to get her over the edge. Sometimes when she finish's me I try to give her one in return for extended periods of time (1hr+). A lot of the time I try to please her it is on her back. I have tried fingering her using the same method she has and also have tried getting her to achieve an orgasm orally but she just says it feels great but I dont think that its necessarily enough for her.

    I would like to return the favor very badly, and would rather of course achieve it myself before venturing into buying some toys. She told me she has only cummed once on her back before and mostly masturbates on her stomache because of pressure.

    The thing I find somewhat strange, is that she never really plays with her clitoris. She has stopped me once when I tried playing with it with my tongue for a decent period of time. She has told me she has never achieved an orgasm that way.

    Neither of us have a lot of spare time in our schedules to experiment a whole lot so the progression has been a bit slower than I would have liked. She also does not have a lot of time to experiment/masturbate on her own at home because of many siblings.

    I was wondering what advice I could get as I am pretty much willing to do anything to return the favor and learn about her body more as I care a lot for her :). Thank you
     
  2. Bluesy

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    I'm guessing that this is the most likely explanation for why she can't orgasm via oral sex. If she doesn't know how to manipulate her clit to orgasm, she certainly can't help you in that department, and it's generally through verbal instruction (or, better yet, demonstration) that men learn how best to please their partner that way.

    Other than that, I can only think to recommend looking up techniques for performing cunnilingus (there are a couple of how-to threads here--you should be able to find them using the search function) and/or getting a how-to book (plenty of those, just check Amazon for suggestions...maybe try "oral sex").

    One hour plus, eh? You are quite a trouper, I'll give you that! An oral orgasm is a team effort, however, so you needn't feel like it's totally your responsibility to get her there.
     
  3. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    Years ago I saw a tape by a sexologist that was an expert in women's sexuality. (Wish I could remember her name.) She was scolding women (only word that fits) for making responsibility for their orgasm up to the man. She said a girl who has lived 18 years and never had an orgasm then gets married and expects her husband to give her one is blaming the wrong person. I had a live in that did not orgasm at all. I ask her if she ever had an orgasm with a man and she said yes. I ask her how and her answer was that she should not have to tell me. As you might guess we didn't last too long.
     
  4. MsEspresso

    MsEspresso New Member

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    Okay, here's the deal. Both of you have to take the emphasis off of achieving an orgasm and put it on enjoying eachother. When I first started having sex, it took me a long time to finally achieve orgasm (sorry, can't remember how long I was active before actually having one). It's really all mental. If she's the least bit inhibited or embarrassed, it'll be very hard to get there. Or, she may be over-thinking it . . . like she's worried that she won't have one, or just really wants to have one and she's concentrating too hard on it. Try just spending some time on her, and if she isn't going to come, then move on, and do it again another time. She just needs to learn to relax and enjoy the sensations you're giving her, and to be okay with not cumming. Eventually, it'll happen, and then you won't be able to get her to stop!
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    I wouldn't completely give up on her clitoris. I may be all wet, but from my experiences I've concluded it's the hot spot for all women. You just have to go easy with it. Don't touch it until she's aroused, and then very lightly with your tongue until/unless she grabs your head and insists on more and faster stimulation. It will eventually lose sensitivity, so if she hasn't gotten there after 30-45 minutes, I'd give it a rest. And by all means, DON"T limit your stimulation to her clit until she's getting close.

    Do a little search on this site. There are some pretty good threads on giving women (and men) oral pleasures. All women are different, so just take a few ideas and give them a try.

    I've been with a couple experienced women who said they couldn't cum from oral sex. Not to brag, but they were both wrong. It just took time, experimenting with different techniques, and more time. They also have to relax and LET IT HAPPEN, and that sometimes takes time, trust, etc.

    But what MsEspresso says is true. Sex can be great even without an orgasm. Experiment and have fun.
     
  6. kaen

    kaen New Member

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    Thanks for all the advice =) we do have fun. Any more advice is appreciate as well!
     
  7. joose6

    joose6 New Member

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    I was sexually active with my girlfriend for probably over a year before she had orgasmed. We were both sexually unexperienced and she always had a point that she could stop and was satisfied.

    Dr. Drew (of Loveline, the radio show that was once a TV show) said that men and women are different in the orgasm department. Men have to reach the orgasm to be satisfied, which you probably know. On the other hand, he said many women have a certain point that they can reach and they are satisfied.

    Meanwhile, I have now been with my wife for almost 7 years and she orgasms every time. It is quite the scientific concoction for her; let me explain.

    My wife cannot achieve and orgasm from oral sex and almost never achieves it from intercourse; on top of that, she has NEVER achieved an orgasm from intercourse alone.

    For her to orgasm, I have to pull her hair and/or choke her (usually choke her, at her begging request). I also have to talk dirty, finger her with multiple fingers rapidly, and many times finger her asshole at the same time. Being an ass man, I can totally appreciate that :)

    Making a man orgasm is nothing. Making a woman orgasm is a science.
     
  8. kaen

    kaen New Member

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    Thats true...my gf does seem satisfied that i pleasure her even if i dont give her an orgasm. I do agree with the statement of men having to have an orgasm though in order to feel satisfied (obviously). I will keep trying and let it come naturally for her, besides keying in to what she likes more.