A Question

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Alleyjoe, Nov 22, 2006.

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  1. Alleyjoe

    Alleyjoe New Member

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    I was refrered to the forum by a friend. I have this situation that I have no idea what to do. I have a boyfriend, he is wonderful to me and i'm happy with him. I also have this friend that I have known for awhile, he tries to convince me to have sex with him. I have told him no, I'm with my boyfriend and I think I love him. This has been going on off and on for years, just recently this guy is coming after me more. I have always been a moral person, plus I'm so deadly scared about catching something. I guess I'm asking i'm I doing the right thing by pushing this guy away. I have no idea how my boyfriend and I will pan out but I feel quilty when the guy kissed me. Any advice would be great.
     
  2. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I am wondering about who you are refering to kissing you, The guy that is after you or your boyfriend.

    But at age 31 you should have no problems with kissing anyone unless
    you are just feeling guilty about kissing the other guy and not your boyfriend. and that would be normal.
    But do you have a normal sex life with your boyfriend or not.
    at age 31 (if you are 31) you should be able to have sex with anyone you choose to have sex with.
    another problem I have here is (AlleyJoe) that is definetly not a a name a girl would post under.
     
  3. gypsymantis

    gypsymantis New Member

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    I had something very similar happen, although nothing happened as far as kissing or anything like that, but it did make me quite uncomfortable. If this is a good friend, talking to them gently should be enough. Telling them that you are in love and you respect that relationship should be enough. It may even come across a bit softer if you let him know that you don't want to end your friendship with him, but it's becoming too difficult to say no. Please don't make me say no any more is what I said.
    I haven't heard from that friend of mine in quite some time. It seems that he was only biding his time in wait for our break-up and that kind of hurts to be honest....but it also tells me that he wasn't really a true friend, OR he just couldn't trust his own feelings.
    You are doing the right thing avoiding him if you're serious about your relationship and not hurting him. I'm seriously against cheating and my truest feeling is that if you aren't in love and you plan to be with this other person...please spare the emotions of your man and break up first.
    You may find down the road that you really do love him and if he'll have you, end up with him again. Sometimes we don't realize what we have til it's gone as the saying goes. But than you're taking the chance of losing him forever at the same time....suppose he met someone new while you were exploring? But I assure you that not many men are willing to take you back if you actually cheat.
     
  4. gypsymantis

    gypsymantis New Member

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    Hmmm hiker,
    If this man is expecting a monogamous relationship than that is the understanding these folks have....which usually means no other sexual or intimate acts with others, including kissing. If they are open, than it's quite a different story.
    But even many open relationships require that they tell one another about their exploits in order to keep the trust.
    I agree that she's an adult and should be able to do what she likes, but shouldn't we have regard for other's emotions when we claim to be in love?
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I just was not sure what she was refering to in the quote and she did not mention any commitment to her boyfriend or wheather she was kissing him the other guy or what.
     
  6. Alleyjoe

    Alleyjoe New Member

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    Thanks for all the replies, to answer the one person's question it is my friend who kissed me not my boyfriend. I think I love my boyfriend alot and I'm the type that I belive honesty and trust is important. My friend I have known since I was 21. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and were kinda at a spot where it is just dating. Hasn't lead up to marriage or anything and I wouldn't marry unless I was for sure. I'm just confused and was wondering others thought on it. My first name is Alley.
     
  7. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    Never cheat. That is my theory, no one deserves that. I know how I woud feel if someone cheated on me, so I would NEVER do it.
     
  8. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    If you believe honesty and trust are important, then you have your answer. Don't be dishonest and don't do anything to break his trust.
     
  9. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    You have known your friend for 10 years,
    Your boyfriend for 4 years.
    At age 31 I would tend to think that a relationship
    of 4 years is a little long.
    And I would suspect that it is getting boring by now
    if their hasn't been a hint if marriage.
    A question here would help, Do you have a sex life
    with your B/F and is it great?:sf
     
  10. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    The single years are for trial and error. Better while you're single than when you are legally hitched. Still, the "total honesty" concept in a relationship is really cool and liberating! The deal where both of you can say 100% all the truth about everything and never cover up, and agree that the other one will listen without a freak-out. That allows some deep growth and new dimensions!
     
  11. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    This is OK, If you are totally in love and you aren't thinking of someone else
    as She obviously is, Or she would not have started this thread.:sf
     
  12. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    You are doing the right thing and remember to be consistant in your message. If his advances get to be too much and he does not understand no means no then you may want to investigate getting a restraining order against him.
     
  13. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    If a guy were to cheat on someone that looks like you and loves sex like you, they would deserve death. ;)
     
  14. hotbabe28

    hotbabe28 New Member

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    I agree with the honesty and trust. If u love ur boyfriend and u want him then I would make it clear to the other guy. On the 4yrs and no marriage thing, that is kinda hard to say that with 4 yrs and no marriage, I have been with master 2 1/2 yrs now and were happy, Marrige really hasn't came up we are being ourselfs and having fun before even considering marriage if it even comes up.

    If you want and care for the other guy then u have to tell ur boyfriend, it isn't fair to keep him waiting on a string or play them both. Of course it could turn into a three way :dgrin (just joking) Ur 31 ur a adult u can do anything u want but u do have to think about the consinqents(sorry my spelling suck tonight) U need to think about what u want.
     
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