My wife and I have been married 41 years. (""How long is too long before one finally breaks down and goes out and finds another willing party to relieve their sexual tensions"")? We had a wonderful sex life up until menopause and then her desires of sex went out the window. It's been exactly 4 years now since we last made love. I went to my family Dr and a Therapist about 2 1/2 years ago to see what I could to cope with the stress, frustrations and feelings I was experiencing. The Dr told me he hears this exact concern everyday form women worried about their lost desires and the worries that their husband may go out and find it somewhere else. But it was the first time a man has come in with the concern. He told me I just had to be compassionate towards her loss of desire. I also got pretty much the same response form the Therapist. The Therapist did want to talk to the two of us together but she wouldn't go because she said I know she had no desire and it was my problem not hers. As I said earlier we always had a very active sex life at least 2 to 3 times a week on average. I still do and always did make sure I spend quality time talking, going to the movies, out to dinner, buying flowers. I've never forgotten a birthday, anniversary, Valentines etc. And just to be clear I always made sure she was taken care of in the orgasm department. In the beginning there were many arguments related to it, heck it's about the only thing we ever argued about. At one point about a year after I'd done without sex I told her I was going to go out and get myself a girlfriend on the side just to take care of my desires and she said if you do that don't come home. I'm in my late 50's and still don't need the little blue pill. If I did I probably wouldn't be pouring my heart out here because I'm guessing my desires would be lessened as well. I love my wife and cherish all the time we spend together with each other and with our children and their children. Everything else is still there. The woman treats me like a king. I just don't know how many more sleepless nights I can take lying there wanting it so bad I feel like I could throw up just to get up to and go relieve myself. I even tried sleeping in another room but that just ended up in her crying and crying for hours on end. One other thing it's been so long now I think it really feels like it'd be really awkward to even try to get it going now. If I was to talk with one of my buddies I can well imagine what they'd say and quite frankly I'm not interested in their crappy views. I'm not into getting a hooker or going to a rub and tug. What you'd get from a hooker you can get from your own hand and a bottle of lube per say. Not into something just lying there and not responding. At the risk of letting out a little of my feminine side lol, I need to cuddle, kiss and enjoy the feelings associated with foreplay. The last thing in the world I want is to ruin an otherwise perfect marriage. I just don't know how much longer I can take the stress.I really would appreciate some down to earth female perspectives here. Thanks in advance. J.