[Ask a Girl] A perspective on threesomes

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by HStein, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. HStein

    HStein Member

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    I suppose anyone could answer this, but here goes...

    My wife and I enjoy our sex toys. Quite a variety and we have a list of future ones we want to experiment with.

    My question: can a committed couple make a threesome work if they approach it like a new toy?

    I have read plenty about the trust, communication, rules, it-wont-fix-your-relationship, it-will-ruin-your-relationship, etc., etc.. All valid, but I'm specifically interested in the general feeling on this APPROACH to adding someone else to the bed, specifically if that someone was female... but a male works, too, I suppose.

    I'm not suggesting treating a human being like an inanimate object. But given the right girl - and enough satisfaction for all parties - could it work? Has it worked for you before?
     
  2. Crackercouple

    Crackercouple New Member

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    From a couples point of view. We looked at swapping and at threesomes as the other parties being just another sex toy only living. This works quite well until you start to have an ongoing relationship with the same party or parties. At this time there is the chance of an emotional bound starting to form. This can test you marriage if one member starts to feel guilt or jealousy. Now is the time for open honest communication first between the husband and wife and then with the outside party. Remember the outside party or parties have feelings too.

    We thought we want a full time girlfriend and now reevaluating that situation because of the time spent as three in lieu of just two.
     
  3. almostthere

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    Wow. Very touchy subject. As much as the thought of my wife having sex with myself and another,male or female,is a major turn on, i dont think i could handle the day after. Especially if she over enjoys it.like say shes not the same woman i know when we are together. If she liked it too much it may freak me out. I know that makes no sence
     
  4. just4fun

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    Either you can or you can't handle it if you think you're going to be jealous chances are you will be jealous. the first time me and my husband had a threesome it was with another girl and I really thought I would be jealous but much to my delight I wasn't. I actually got turned on my side of him banging another girl and it was funny because I noticed he f***** her and different way than he f*** mean. After that I figured it was time to have a male female male threesome and he was okay with it. Now the first guy we had definitely bang me a different way then my husband did so obviously I react different but he handled it well so then we tried swinging and haven't looked back sense. Me and my husband can both separate love and sex. Sex is just for fun besides you don't want to eat the same meal every day do you?
     
  5. HStein

    HStein Member

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    An excellent perspective, lovely J4F. would you say that you guys treat your extracurricular partners more like toys than additional partners in the bedroom?
     
  6. just4fun

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    Maybe in the beginning they were more toys than anything else but now were pretty exclusive with a few couples and were all really good friends. We even take vacations together. I wouldn't say I love them but there are really strong feelings for each of them both male and female. I would say my husband feels the same. For me its better the way it is now versus treating them kinda like toys. But I get why people do it that way. Most people don't want that emotional attachment.
     
  7. Paladin8428

    Paladin8428 New Member

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    How would I ever break it to my wife that I want to experiment with another person (male or female)...The whole purpose is to introduce new experiences into our sex lives.
     
  8. happycouple4444

    happycouple4444 New Member

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    We're new visitors here (the guy in the couple writing) thought I'd weigh in. We are a middle aged couple been together 8 years, both previously married, pretty good sex life. We started talking about some fun 6 months ago, got on a "swinger web site" and started looking around our state.

    After rejecting numerous offers of parties, people looking for stuff we had no interest in. We met a couple for a drink, a week later dinner at their home after a couple of other "dates" (one of which was just the girls mine is bi curious the women in the other couple is bi to see if they were OK with each other) and on the fourth "date" (a sunday brunch at our home) we ended up in MF/MF in the same bed.They had limited other couple experience we had none but they were very patient with us newbies. K and I talked a lot about what we were OK with before committing to trying a couple foursome we are very much in love and we see it as just sex with people we became friends with over the course of 2 months before it happened. It's not for everyone, & clearly can ruin relationships that aren't strong, and based in unconditional trust.

    Our sex life has had it's ass kicked into high gear by seeing each other share & be happy trying a new sexual experience together. For us it was getting to know & build a bit of friendship with these folks & do other things besides screw. I felt OK that he would treat K OK, moreover, she felt the same as did the other couple, and since we were side by side the sexual tension was fantastic. It was not a grope fest, the other guy & I asked each others gal in whispers because we didn't want to interfere with each others moment what was OK etc, bounderies were respected. We intend to mix it up between the four of us into threeesomes with different combinations so everyone gets to have some different kinds of fun.

    I guess my point is be picky, become friends first, be respectful first, and don't try to push a reluctant partner into something they are not 100% ready to try.
     
  9. 12barblues

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    Lets think about this and turn it into a positive....if my girl likes something that someone else did to her....some mind blowing sexual trick that made her cum 100 times...she'll simply tell me what it was and it will become my " trick" too. There isn't anything some guy can do, that I can't learn to do as well. I'm not too proud to learn a new technique or two...

    Right?
     
  10. just4fun

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    right.
     
  11. rowdy3128

    rowdy3128 New Member

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    wife and I had a 3 sum ''MFM'' with a guy from out of state he don't know are friends so he couldn't tell by mistake....it all worked out well..............
     
  12. Paladin8428

    Paladin8428 New Member

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  13. HStein

    HStein Member

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    That definitely sounds more like full-on swinging than occasional "playing" with a favorite toy... don't know what direction we would want to go in. Thank you, though for relating your perspective.
     
  14. sandwich

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    I keep all my threesomes in fantasy land, so I can't help you, but my guess is the treating it like a toy thing wouldn't always work because people are messy...I don't mean sloppy, but rather emotionally made up of who knows what.
     
  15. HStein

    HStein Member

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    Excellent point. It would have to be someone particularly special to be invited into a relationship - really just into sex with a couple - for the sex alone. Like I said, I'm not suggesting treating someone like a sex slave or an inanimate object, but just bringing them in for the pleasure of all parties, then politely asking them to excuse themselves from any emotional attachment.

    Meh, just some thoughts...
     
  16. Paul170

    Paul170 New Member

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    We have been married for 15 years and did several MFM (we are trying to find a female for a FMF BUT it is really difficult - so any ideas are welcome) over the past 2 years. We have bounced around the idea for many many years and after being "almost" certain as you never know 100% until the day after, we went for it. We had a great time as pleasuring my wife was awesome as the other guy follow our rules to the letter. Rules are very important to have else there will be arguments afterward. Talk to each other BEFORE as what you can do and cannot do. This is HUGE. Also, we practice safe sex so make sure the other half(Guy or girl) knows that. We do not want this "Extra" part of our sexual activity give us a lifelong disease. We are not sure why we see people here wanting to have it "Raw" as you never know where that other person have been.

    Overall, the key is "Talk" about what the encounter would involve. Trust and honesty is key. Do not force the issue as well. If one party does not want it, then leave it alone else it will end very bad.

    My two cents.