A little down

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by heelfetish, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. heelfetish

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    I already alluded to this in one of CL's threads, but I don't want to derail her thread, so I'll make my own. I just need to vent.

    I know this is all on me, that the problem is mine and mine alone, but it still bothers me. Last week was our 10-year anniversary. Some of you might remember the thread I started asking for celebration ideas. I appreciated them all! Anyway, here's what went down.

    Our anniversary was Thursday. We knew all week that we wouldn't be able to celebrate on that day, since we had 3 appointments, including a school meeting that night. But I presented her with a nice card and .40 carat diamond earrings. Of course she adored them, but assured me we weren't going to celebrate until the weekend. She didn't have anything for me besides a quick hug & kiss.

    Saturday night I make reservations at a nice fancy restaurant and arrange for a sitter. We go out and have a fantastic meal, but then simply pick up the kids & return home. She was tired so we put the kids to bed and retired ourselves.

    The next morning we had a quicky before the kids woke up, and that concluded the anniversary celebrations.

    OK, maybe I'm reading too much into this, and maybe I'm being a little selfish, but I didn't even get a card. All those months of stressing over what to do to make it special, giving her elaborate gifts, and I get nothing in return. It just seems so one-sided. :(

    I love her so much, and she's such a great mom. But I just feel so neglected.
     
  2. Barbwire

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    It's next to impossible to be a great mom and a great wife at the same time, especially when the kids are as young as yours are. Ask any man that has a young family and they will all tell you they feel neglected. They have every right to feel that way because the truth is, they are.

    Sorry, Heely honey, until the kids get older, I'm afraid that you will have to come to terms with that.

    Hugs to you, my sista/brotha.
     
  3. heelfetish

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    I figured that was the case. It was bad before, it's worse now. I guess that's too be expected with the arrival of a second child. I dunno, it just feels like she made no effort whatsoever to celebrate our anniversary. :(
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Well, in order for you to move on, I think you need to talk to her about your feelings. With my own husband, because he never told me, I didn't know he felt so neglected unti my son was about 8 years old. By that time, he also felt taken for granted and resentful towards me which created a lot of hurt for the both of us.

    Please, just talk to your wife and let her know how you feel.
     
  5. htoad

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    I agree with CL. You must take the bold step of (kindly) expressing your feelings and discussing what can be done to improve communications (and ultimately the relationship). When kids are young it becomes a huge challenge to retain the "husband and wife" aspect of marriage, and put all ones energy into the kids and related activities. Add in work and any financial/health stress and that can make things worse. The "h&w" stuff easily gets taken for granted, so the lines of communications do need to be reopened.
     
  6. heelfetish

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    That's just it though... I don't think I can bring this up at all without sounding like a selfish asshole. I guess I'll just swallow this jagged pill and keep on keeping on.
     
  7. FlirtyChick

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    Heely, you will not sound like a selfish asshole. Every time you swallow that jagged little pill it swims in your stomach. Once your stomach gets full of them, it doesnt have room for any more, and there you are, stuck with that feeling that you are full....full of stuff that you need to address. Keep it simple and tell her you feel hurt. She is not responsible for your feelings, you are, so let that be known too. I dont agree that you should be ignored because she is a mom, busy, or whatever. It takes two, and even if she grabs a sheet of paper and writes you a card she should take time to honor your special day. Don't ever feel selfish for asking for what you need. Loveu....
     
  8. heelfetish

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    You guys are all right, I do need to talk to her about this. Trouble is that she works so hard in other aspects of our marriage that I myself feel selfish for feeling this way. I know I'm not the perfect husband, but I do try my best. Communication is probably our biggest problem though, and we're both to blame for that. She's very quick to become either defensive or be offended by things I mention... It's difficult to discuss anything with her for those reasons. For that I rarely bring up these issues anymore, it just doesn't seem worth the tears and resentment that follows.

    So I suppose that lack of communication is our biggest issue. Sounds familiar, eh?
     
  9. FlirtyChick

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    Heely, now I understand more. Guess if you can't communicate you can't bring this up because you need to pick your battles. Tell ya what...here is a little card from me:

    Happy Anniversary to a Wonderful Husband and Dad!

    Not trying to be flip at all......I just hope that you can let it pass, move on, and focus on the things she does so that are so wonderful and let them fill the void with the anniversary glitch.

    I have never been able to communicate with a man. Guess that is why I am single.

    Hang in there, sweetie!!
     
  10. heelfetish

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    You hit the nail right on the head. That's exactly how I feel. I don't mind bringing up the bigger issues, but the smaller ones just don't seem to be worth it.

    Thanks for the kind thoughts, FC. :) *hugs*
     
  11. FlirtyChick

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    Anytime Heely. You were always so sweet to me, and now I am glad to be of the mindset to return your generosity.....