A little big, a little small; a little advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by DanAndWendy, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. DanAndWendy

    DanAndWendy New Member

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    Hi all, my wife and I are hoping to find an answer to a bit of a problem we are having! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this post.

    I'm a tall chap and my manhood is a bit longer and thicker than average. On the other hand, my wife is on the shorter side of average and she feels that her parts are a little tighter than the norm.

    Before we got married, and we did have quite a short time dating, we had sex happily and comfortably provided we weren't too rough. Shortly after our wedding 'real life' knocked us for six and we had to spend a few months apart (a long story). When we were reunited, my wife had a contraceptive implant fitted in her arm as we both enjoy sex without a condom.

    Her libido dropped after the implant but we were still able to have sex. Over the past several months it's become more and more difficult to make love to each other though; mainly because we literally "Can't get him in."

    We use lubrication and I always try to relax my wife first with a nice massage etc. After reading a few advice columns we bought a vibrator to try and help my wife's internal muscles relax before penetration but it's of limited help.

    We frequently find ourselves in a position where we are either avoiding having sex or attempting it but being unable to do the deed. A case in point is last night, when we tried to make love but just a small amount of penetration was too sore for my better half, followed by minor bleeding this morning.

    My wife is feeling very self-conscious about this but I hold her tight and tell her - and mean it - that I'm not offended, upset or frustrated. It's not the fault of either one of us.

    We just both want to be able to have comfortable and enjoyable sex with each other and not feel like we're playing a game of chance as to whether we'll be able to or not.

    So, we'd like to ask whether anyone has any tips for us? Maybe some tips to help relax certain muscles, or positions that could be helpful? Any input would be appreciated, to be honest :)

    Thanks again,

    Dan and Wendy
     
  2. Meee

    Gold Member

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    Until she has talked to her doctor about this, there isn't any point in discussing anything else. Except to say welcome to the forums.
     
  3. DanAndWendy

    DanAndWendy New Member

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    She's touched on it with her doctor but it was said to her that there's no clear reason why there would be a connection between the two things in such a way. Sorry, I meant to have said that originally!


    Either at that appointment or one on either side of it, my wife was checked over down there to make sure everything was okay - and it was.

    Thank you for the welcome!
     
  4. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I've actually had this issue before. It was frustrating and upsetting. I went as far as to ask my gyno if something was wrong with me. She told me I'm 'anatomically perfect', haha. She said that at that point, the issues had to be mental, even if not consciously. Her advice was honestly to 'lube it up and force it' (verbatim). I wanted it, but for some reason I was still tensing. She told me that with enough tensing, the vaginal muscle are essentially strong enough to form a 'brick wall'.

    With that being said, I mean this in the nicest way...

    Is there something else going on here?
     
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  5. Meee

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    I guess I should make it clearer. The problem with a drug reducing her libido should be addressed as its own separate problem before you try to work on any other sexual problems. Or, to put it another way, you see a problem with fit, I see a problem with a chemically-induced change in libido. The problem with the birth control is the priority.
     
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  6. DanAndWendy

    DanAndWendy New Member

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    Rainbow; would it be improper for us to ask if you ever found out what was making you tense? I'm not sure I'd be able to just "lube it up and stick it in" as I'd be very worried about hurting the person I love...

    Please also be honest but what do you mean by wondering if something else is going on here?

    Mere, my wife has suggested that she have the implant removes and return to the pill but the doctor said that it was so unlikely that the implant had reduced her libido that she did not think the removal would make any difference. That side of the problem is something we've spoken about at length, I promise you!
     
  7. Doitagain

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    Welcome to the forum.

    The advice you have been given before this post and actions you have taken sound like you are doing a great job trying to tackle this.
    As far as he doctor saying it's not the implant , well that's a medical doctor and he she can be correct that chemical it " shouldn't " make a difference. They are not always correct. I am not saying ignore the doctor but if it worked before and hat is the only thing that you know of that changed , and that the pill worked before , I would day go back to it , give it some time and see what happens.
    Problems with sex can be seriously mental
    The brain has powers!
    Good luck! Keep at it
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    DnW, welcome to the Forum!
    I tend to agree the most with Meee on this.
    If you could have sex prior a separation (for whatever reason you don't give) and medically nothing wrong then assuming the implant is not the issue which it should not be since it delivers the same hormones as the pill then the issue is likely psychological in her.
    Something changed for her during that separation which is now making her subconsciously tense.
    She may not be willing or cannot tell you what the trigger might be.
    She may have experienced, seen or heard something which causes her to subconsciously reject the notion of being penetrated.
    Physically you can try prolonged fingering her with using plenty of lube such as Astroglide to attempt loosening her up before attempting to introduce your penis inside.
    This will give you an idea whether her vaginal muscles are contracting and resisting or not.
    If all else fails then Rain1Bow may be the only solution even if it sounds like rape but is technically not if she is a willing participant.
    In my thinking the lowered libido and apparent reluctance for penetration are one and the same root issue. If she can't or won't talk to you about that possibility then she might need to discuss issues with a clinical sex therapist.
     
    #8 lbushwalker, Jul 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2015
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  9. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    Honestly, there have been other medical issues (on his side) since then that have pretty much prevented us from trying further. I've been able to enjoy sex with another partner since then. As far as I know, nothing's changed on my behalf. I think the problem stemmed from him knowing he would be my first, and being nervous about that. He told me he didn't want to hurt me or have me end up regretting him. I'm not sure. All I know is that everything works fine with others.. so it's gotta be him, lol.

    As far as "is there something else going on?" I mean is there something psychological going on. Is she suffering from depression, anxiety, etc. Are there communication problems within the relationship? Etc.
     
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  10. DanAndWendy

    DanAndWendy New Member

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    Thanks so much for the frank and helpful replies. We do have some extra background problems but they are a bit personal (I am aware that sex is personal but it is something we all experience; things like illness etc aren't).

    Although we don't have a communication problem maybe, through naivete as opposed to mal-intent, neither of us quite appreciated just how strong a physical effect the mental side of things could cause.
     
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