A lil advice?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by SheridanLo, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. SheridanLo

    SheridanLo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi everyone,

    I was hoping I could get some advice?

    I'm 22 years old and still a virgin. I've been close to losing my virginity a couple of times (ironically, some of those occasions being when I was probably too young to even contemplate losing it). Anyway, I've always seemed to attract idiots or guys who mess me around (granted, I am known to be picky but still...) and I've always realised this before I've actually gone through with it. Up until about a year ago, I was fine with my virginty because I knew it was through choice and that didn't mean I was a prude, or that I didn't want to have sex! However, now I am starting to think 'fuck it' and just stop being so picky! It just feels like the longer I leave it, the more awkward (somehow that sounds like the wrong word to use?! haha) it wil become, plus it might seem weird to the guy that I'm 22 and still haven't had sex.

    Anyway, I was wondering whether anyone had any advice? Or even understood my rambling? lol.

    Thanks for any help
    xx
     
  2. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I was 20 when I lost mine. Don't worry lass, and don't go make a mistake with the wrong person.

    Let me offer you some advice. It is of course your prerogative to tell me to fuck off. :lol

    Some people on this forum might tell you fuckit and go get it. I would recommend finding a guy that actually cares about you. I don't know what your criteria are when you say "picky". If it's physical, you might want to reconsider your 'pickyness', if it's personality, you're pretty justified in your levels.

    If you just want to have sex, that's your choice, but finding someone special can be really cool.
     
  3. *Sexual Panda*

    *Sexual Panda* New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    home
    I would wait till you you feel comfortable with yourself to do so, then the man that you chose to do it with also! Dont do something just because others are, I wish I would have waited longer but I didnt!
     
  4. Guy Incognito

    Guy Incognito New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2008
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana
    I suggest that you don't worry about what anyone thinks but you! If you truly want to become sexually active then by all means go for it, just don't do it because you're afraid that some unknown person at some unknown time in the future might possibly think something is strange about your virginity.
     
  5. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Bingo! If some guy has a problem with it, that should send up a big red flag!
     
  6. SheridanLo

    SheridanLo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for the advice guys.

    AnonymousOne, to be honest my being picky is mostly about personality. I certainly have a physical type but honestly, it just seems like I attract really creepy guys. For instance, there was a guy who was interested in me recently and I gave my him my number (he wasn't really my type physically but I figured I should lay up a bit) but then he started calling me, telling me to blow off meeting my friends to meet him because, 'I could see them anytime' (I had already arranged to meet my friends on a few occasions and was willing to make plan other dates with him, just to add). Then he started going on about how he would treat me like a Queen and I'd treat him like a king? Now this may just me being overly sensitive but I was just wtf? Who says stuff like that..? Anyway, it put me off him completely and so I stopped contact with him.

    The thing is, it's not so much because my friends have done it because, frankly, most of my friends were losing their virginity a looong time ago so I'm used to be one of the only virgins! I'm just kind of tired of waiting (if that makes sense?). I just feel like I'm never going to find someone who seems to truly care about me (logically I realise that sounds OTT but perhaps it's the frustration talking?! :D).
     
  7. SheridanLo

    SheridanLo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    You're right and the independent strong part of me agrees that it would be their problem but for some reason, the other part just worries about how it will come across.

    Not a big fan of that part I have to say!
     
  8. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I learned long ago that some people are just going to dislike me for what I believe. Does that mean that I have to change what I believe simply to suit them? I don't think so.

    There are always parts of us that may tweak people a bit, personality quirks etc. But it's you who gets to make choices for you. This is not to say ignore all advice, but rather consider it, filter it, and then choose.

    Sorry if that's a bit too heady or philosophical.
     
  9. FlirtyChick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    4,111
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Southeast US
    He says it best. Everyone, male or female deserves to make this choice based upon his or her beliefs. Do not ever settle for anything less than what is the best for you, ever. You can never recapture the moment you lose your virginity. Make sure that it is a great moment when you do.
     
  10. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    *bows* Just how I see it lass.
     
  11. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    406
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California, AGAIN.
    On an aside, NOW i see what you were talking about last night in the B&G, FC.

    As to the topic itself...

    Don't rush yourself! Honestly, I applaud you! In today's society, sex and the pressure to have sex is everywhere! There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, so don't stress yourself pondering otherwise. FC is so right in saying that you can never recapture that moment. When I look back at my first time, I kick myself every time for how it went down. While her and I really did love each other, it came down to a moment of pure lust. There was no romance in it, and it really didn't leave me feeling happy with myself. Don't make that "mistake". When you lose yours, make sure its on your terms and in a way and time that will leave you emotionally satisfied as well.

    Most of all, when you do decide to go for it, make sure its with someone who you really want it to be with! You say you attract "weird" and "creepy" guys, but I'm sure you attract some fairly normal ones too. (I don't think any of us guys could ever not be "weird" in some way or another. ;)) Don't lower your standards just because you're worried about still being a virgin! Find that certain someone! Trust me, they won't care one bit that you're still a virgin, and they'll respect you enough not to push you to lose it anytime other than when you're ready! Call me a hopeless romantic, call it cliche, or whatever, but I am a firm believer in "fairytale moments." Theres no reason why you should settle for less!
     
  12. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Hun there is no harm in losing your virginity at your age. You're young!Thank goodness you didn't do like I did, and lose yours at 13 to the first person that showed interest in you. It was an uneducated decision, and I regretted it later. You don't want your first time to be like that. Find the right person for it, and then go for it.
     
  13. SheridanLo

    SheridanLo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks everyone for the advice - I'm actually more positive about it now (my emotions are all over the place at the moment so that's probably why I was even thinking about it!).

    CCJCool, I probably do attract some normal ones but the weird ones are blocking my view ;) Maybe I just need to look harder. Lol.

    Dreama, I actually nearly had the same experience as you. I was thirteen (admittedly, I had a few issues back then) and met this guy, who was 16; pretty sick that he was interested in a 13 year old and allowed him back to my house (I think back now and can't believe how stupid I was). Anyway, I almost lost my virginity to him until I realised I didn't feel comfortable and stopped, it was actually be pretty scary as he became quite aggressive afterwards, luckily he eventually left.
    I think I became sexual at a far too young age (having other experiences before the one mentioned above) without realising I was, so it possibly made me even more wary when I got older.

    Anyway, I realise I just have to stay positive and the right man will come along...and with any luck, it wil be soon :).
     
  14. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Yeah ... the difference between us is that I have a much sharper and courser tongue. :lol

    And you make good points as well here. As to the weird and creepy guys ...

    *shrugs* Carry bear mace?
     
  15. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah, my experience sounds almost identical to yours (16 year old creep!), only I didn't stop anything from happening because I was too damned scared to say anything. But, being sexual at a young age isn't a problem. It's when you become sexual with others besides yourself too early that things become a problem. Anyway, after that little escapade, I stopped talking to that creepy guy, and eventually, he left me the fuck alone.