A Kiss And My Fixation For A Girl

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Nobody, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. Nobody

    Nobody Member

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    There is a girl whom I've known since high school but only as a friend through friends. Through college we had no contact at all, and within the last three years we've been reintroduced to one another through mutual friends. About two years ago we began a personal friendship that was direct and did not rely on the mutual connections for reasons to get together. One year ago I noticed myself looking at her in a different light.

    I'm fairly skilled at compartmentalizing my ideas, thoughts, and emotions. I reasoned my "attraction" away and ignored it. Since that time she has crept up in my dreams. Sure it sounds campy as hell, but its the truth. I am the type of person who rarely has dreams that are remembered upon waking, but there are a many a time that I've awoken in the morning with a dream of her still in my mind.

    We are both career oriented and though I do not know her dating history over the last few years I can attest to my own. I've dated a handful of women in the time that I've been aware of my attraction, but this girl "of my dreams" is never out of my conscious mind. I see things through out my day and I think of her, I hear something random and I think of her. The summary point is that I think of her.

    A while back the two of us went out one night and I told her how I felt. She didn't return my sentiments, but she said nothing to signify a strong opposition to them either. I interpreted her handling of the situation as nothing more than a polite and sweet manner of rejection.

    We've seen each other a few times among friends since and we have gone out alone just the two of us once or twice as well. We've continued to enjoy our friendship with a no harm, no foul attitude.

    Last weekend, the two of us went out for drinks rather early in the evening. We conversed as we always had, we got caught up on each others summer adventures and we had a genuine good time. We went for a walk, we found a quite place to sit and chat for a while and even though I had begun the evening with the mentality of admitting to myself that I liked her and that I was going to do nothing about it I kept noticing that she didn't object to slight touches of our hands through out the evening. (This is notable because she's a bit reserved about being touched and by whom.) It was impossible for me not to notice, but I didn't make it into anything significant in my mind.

    We found a late night restaurant and shared more conversation and laughter over some food. At the end of the night I drove her home and thanked her for rescuing me from a night at home alone with my boredom. I walked around the car and hugged her goodnight as we have been accustomed to doing. I walked back around to my side of the car as she began walking to her door. We exchanged a few further comments and I was dreading her disappearance into her front door, but something in me thought that she was lingering. I thought nothing of it beyond having that initial gut reaction.

    We said goodnight one last time and I watched her walk away. I got into my car ...and then right back out and called out her name. She turned around and I walked towards her. I gave her another hug and made a comment about wanting to do so because it would be close to half a year before the next time I see her. I said goodnight and we both walked away. I watched her make it all the way to her front door before I called her name out again. She answered, and I seemed to pick up on a tone that almost seemed hopeful(?). I don't know, I'm terrible at interpreting such things. I simply thought that the tone in her voice and the expediency with which she answered me seemed uncommon for her demeanor. I felt undeniably nervous. I was going to kiss her.

    I had attempted once before and been given a gracious cheek. I expected the same now and as we both closed the gap between us I told her that I was sorry and she could duck and weave if she'd like. With my last step to her I leaned towards her and recall nothing from that moment save the quickest glimpse of seeing her lean towards me with closing eyes and parting lips. The kiss was the absolute last possible outcome I expected and as a result practically don't recall any memory of the actual kiss itself because of the shear surprise running through my mind and body. The kiss lasted for only a few seconds (I'm guessing here.) before she ended the kiss and said to me "I'm going to duck and weave."

    The puzzling part for me, and the reason I'm writing this for your input now is that when she ended the kiss she did not pull back and away, but instead put her forehead to my chest for a moment.

    My "question" I suppose is this. In our kiss my hand was on the back of her head, cradling it rather than pressing her to me, so would this have been the reason she moved her head to my chest instead of pulling away from me completely or would she have pulled away completely if that is what she had wanted. I suppose in seeing the words typed out - she would have pulled away, but in mulling the scene over in my mind all I can assume is that she broke the kiss because she didn't feel anything in it. ...could be, I don't know. Immediately following the kiss she expressed her concerns over friendships turned romantic and the potential loss of the friendship if things turn sour.

    I guess ...I know ...that what I wish to learn is whether there is hope to be found in the moment after our lips parted ways and her head went to my chest. I want her and I'd like to know whether she may want me as well.
     
  2. HardRocker

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    She is probably falling for you, not as quickly as you'd like, but I would advise against saying something to her like, "I want to push you forcefully up against a wall, pinch your nipples so sharply that your mouth opens wide enough for me to thrust my tongue deep into your throat."
    Just sayin'... might ruin it.
     
  3. Nobody

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    Thanks HardRocker. You mean I should stop using this "line" and try something more open-ended and sentimental? :)
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Oh, and here I thought you siggy was for me because you pulled it out of a reply you made to me in one of my threads. Now I see it was just your "line". *pouts profusely* :p

    Back to your puzzlement at her behaviour after you kissed...

    Dude! Quit analyzing it. You will only drive yourself mad if you do. You already let her know how you felt about her a while ago and she let you know she didn't feel the same about you. You need to accept that and stop looking for hope when there is naught.

    Just let things be as they are and don't push things and ruin your friendship with her. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, but from what I can gather from your post, it's the way to go.