A great roleplay movie - who has seen it?

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Vanja, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Hey everyone (long time no see)

    Was watching this movie called "Secretary" with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal and it was surprising to me how hot I found it to be. Has anyone seen it?

    It was basically about how this lawyer hired a secretary and gradually got her to be his submissive "servant" (kind of). My husband and I have sometimes touched on this subject but we don't really know how to approach it - he says he doesn't mind both roles (submissive or dominant) but I know he's more submissive than dominant in nature. But the thing is.... and what this movie made me realize, is that I don't want the "game" itself to be too planned you know? I don't know how to explain myself and what I want... so I don't say anything and that drives him kind of crazy (understandably) :ugh
    I don't want to be humiliated, I don't really like to be forced but at the same time I fantasize about his soft voice/calm demeanor (like James Spader) controlling me.... and it feels, almost wrong.

    Anyway.... if anyone has seen the movie and/or knows what I'm talking about please help me verbalize this stuff? :p
     
  2. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    Without meaning to direct you away from this site and it's contents (which will undoubtedly render very helpful results) there is another site that I believe you may benefit greatly from.
    It is a website that is centered around marriages and relationships that are heavily dominant/submissive with several articles and essays by professionals and ammateurs alike.
    I can't link it here, but the name is "TakenInHand".

    I hope this helps.
    ~Steve
     
  3. FlirtyChick

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    I suggest the movie "9 1/2" weeks with Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke. The lust affair in that movie is torrid and hot, and he has complete, "soft" control over her.....just an idea ?
     
  4. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Thank you Steve - I googled and have been reading a lot tonight! And found one article that appealed to me by a guy named Eric where he talks about "the resistant woman" - he's describing me, at least as I see myself. I don't WANT to be submissive because I'm a very independent and strong woman in daily life. No one would think I have these fantasies by looking at me. I don't want to dominate anyone either... at least not in the conventional sense, I do enjoy the "power" I have over my husband on certain levels. I know.... all of this is very contradicting :shrug

    Flirty - I have actually seen that movie more than once and I really like it. Not many movies about this subject out there.... which is why I was surprised to find this one.
     
  5. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    And I'm very confused with myself for even writing about this here because I don't *want* to be controlled, certainly loathe any kind of violence.... hell I LOVE soft and slow and intimate sex. But at the same time....

    Maybe I just need a good therapist :D
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I saw this film when it came out some years ago, and again last month. It is good, and it encouraged my wife and I to try some dominance / submission games, which we both enjoy. We don't go as far as the characters in the film, but what we do works for us. We just evolved it over time until a point of comfort, and I have made it more formal by designing some role-plays for us to work with.

    Vanja: many who are dominant in a relationship actually get a lot of pleasure from being sexually submissive sometimes. It enables one to relax, let go, and enjoy the ride.
     
  7. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Yeah, maybe I do need to let go. There's just something intrinsically wrong with the term "submissive" (for me). That's why I liked what this Eric said about the resistant woman - I can identify much better with a term like that and also with what the term entails. Calling my husband "master" or "sir" or whatever - wayyyy too theatrical for me. Asking to be spanked because I was "naughty" - also way too theatrical. I would probably start cracking up.

    Maybe I need to separate my sexuality more from the utter respect I have for the women back in the day who fought for women's rights. For the record, I don't agree with how some trends of contemporary feminism endorse inequality between women and men and I certainly don't like how many women mistake bitchiness for strength. In any case, my parents raising me as an independent individual in a feminist age has its own set of problems along with the fact that I do not like to think of myself as a "victim" or portray myself as "inferior" (for a lack of a better word) - even if it's only sex. So you see my "dilemma" here - I really love and respect my husband's strength (not talking about physical strength although he has that too) and I love him for loving/respecting mine. How do we go about reconciling that?

    I'm rambling - who knew that sexual fetishes were so philosophical? :lol
     
    #7 Vanja, Oct 5, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2010
  8. cbrmale

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    My wife isn't into sir or master either, so our roleplays might be that she's the maid and doesn't clean the room properly and therefore gets punished, or more recently she was a housebreaker who got caught, and traded her freedom. And, the maid got spanked and worse, while the naughty housebreaker ended up being punished, tied to the bed and then fucked.

    The most important thing is that it is roleplay, and for those hours you aren't husband and wife of 25 years but two other people. This is what makes it special, and it's like having sex with a different person, and the same perspective for my wife. By being two other people, you don't have to reconcile anything, because what happens is what happens within previously agreed boundaries