A decision

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by doggiestylegirluk, Jun 10, 2015.

?

Who would you put first

  1. Myself

    2 vote(s)
    25.0%
  2. The other party

    6 vote(s)
    75.0%
  1. doggiestylegirluk

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    If you was in a relationship and you knew that the other person has held a dream, a goal for some time (years) and that time is now here ... But you do not share that same dream. And the dream is somewhat a life changer would you go on the partner or put yourself first.

    #TeamDSG
     
  2. whybother

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    If its a committed relationship, then the decision isn't an "either/or." A relationship means that decisions are made based on the greater good. The "self" is reidentified to mean the two of you. ie: "teamDSG" talk about what is good for the team, not the individual.
     
  3. doggiestylegirluk

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    Oh yes but a togetherness is also two different people. And the change of country of residence is not something I want. But I respect that Mrs DSG wants to return to her home land.

    She also is not controllable - and I wouldn't try or want to - she is her own person. She says if it feels right for her she will move.

    Thanks for your view

    #MrDSG
     
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  4. doggiestylegirluk

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    No matter what I do I lose out in a way.

    I choose not to go - I lose her the team is gone. And I know that she isn't perfect and can be complex at times but naturally many years into marriage it will be heartbreaking.

    If i do go I won't be happy and could end up resenting it. And it messes up any way.

    As for her she will clinically make the decision what's right for her and not give a second glance about mine (!)

    #MrDSG
     
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  5. Sweetlysad

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    Have you lived in her country?
    Where did you live when you got married? And did you discuss the future and where you would live?
    It's a hard one.
    Is she not considering your feeling and where you wish to live?
    What about work?
    You need to sit down and discuss everything and make the decision as a couple.
     
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  6. doggiestylegirluk

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    Her country I have visited but wouldn't want to live there. She was in GB when we married 10 years ago and was here since around 9 years of age - taking on British citizenship.

    She did question a return after we had collectively made enough income and got into a position of absolute financial security for life. Which is a point we are at. Didn't help her parents moved back 18 months ago.

    Mrs DSG with respects to her has feelings for only one person in her life and that isn't me. Yes we are a team for sure but when it comes to what she wants. She gets.

    She is already back there and I could hear in her voice she has little intention of coming back. She always wants to relinquish British citizenship back for becoming "a true proper German which is her right by her natural birth" as she puts it.

    I put up a barrier there is more chance of her returning spitting in my face and leaving anyway.

    We have cordially agreed, if required, a closure of our joint assets, our nice little business etc and where the assets will go.

    I think she is more concerned how she will miss her Mercedes SUV than me lol but I'm sure she can sort that easily as I'm left to dispose of her "not required and pointless assets".

    It's hard either way. I lose either way. She will go and happily tell me she will sign all financial contracts, professional contracts and clearly bring closure to what's been a very nice if somewhat explosive marriage.

    Thanks for your response.

    #MrDSG
     
  7. fbbg

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    Sounds like a tough deal but by the sounds of what you are writing (which in fairness is only one side of it) either way your mrs is going to live in Germany, either with or without you so you need to ask yourself what is best for you. UK or Germany and all the bad points that both of those bring. Only you can make the choice because by the sounds of it you are the one making the compromise either way.
     
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  8. doggiestylegirluk

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    Being german she is ultra clinical. I am somewhat clinical in what I do - everything is black and white etc - I have to be professionally (in a way) but she is very very clinical think of the highest firm you can then keep going.

    She is focus on the task, her emotional side is almost zero. She thinks not on what it means by what it gives. Indeed in 10 years of marriage I've seen her cry not many times - as a result of pure emotion - the last time when her parents left GB. She kind of wanted to go then.

    I told her to grow up at the time. But she said and I kind of knew it, she would achieve her end goal.

    And personally do I want to stop her or step in her way. Honestly, I think not. I think I need to believe in her for making the right decision for her life for her next steps.

    #MrDSG
     
  9. doggiestylegirluk

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    Oh yes. I know she calls me "without pure blood" and therefore can havd no ties to a country.

    In the respects that both my parents are of different nationalities. She is german born of German parents and I know, despite her british passport, she is german through and through. And oh my god don't I know it.
     
  10. Mittimer

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    What is comes down to is are either of you willing to sacrifice for the relationship? She wants to move, you don't. Is there a reason you don't? Is there a reason she has to?

    If my husband wanted to go somewhere, and it was good for us (because in a marriage there is no real me or them) then I'd go. He is in a professional industry where we could end up anywhere at any time and I've already made my peace that I will follow him where he goes because in the end, it is better for us as a family.

    There is give, take and sacrifice. You just need to know when to do each.
     
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  11. doggiestylegirluk

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    Thanks :)
    Agreed it is give and take but always been take on her part. I guess she thinks oh he will moan but he will come like a good little lapdog and do has he is told. For me the marriage is but easy but if is what it is. For her if we got it dissolved - she'd be like. There's a process to follow get on with it.
     
  12. Mittimer

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    If it's always been take on her part, are you truly happy in your marriage? That's incredibly selfish and she should at least understand where you are coming from. If she would also dissolve the marriage so easily, perhaps you're better off without her?
     
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  13. doggiestylegirluk

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    That is an incredibly difficult question to answer is the marriage happy or is it functional - it runs because it has/had to. It was the right thing to make it work. The thing is, yes I have done has she has wished for much of the last 10 years. I wanted to get married straight after university she said I will set the timescale in my life plan.

    Is it happy, I don't know. I cannot answer it. As I just don't know. Do I love her. Yes. Do I love her like I did. No. Do I want #TeamDSG to fail no - but can I go against what I want for what is a huge decision. No. I think this might be the last stick she beats me with to be fair.

    But if she dissolved out life agreement, then it will be her decision. But will base it on me not supporting her functionally and her right had a German to live with her fellow true blood German's in her rightful place. Work with that it is her belief that. But I will be seen has the incorrect one so my parents will question my integrity in making informed balanced views. Mrs DSG has a cute and vindictive way of manipulating people and situations and as she puts it "a born winner" to get just what she wants.

    Does she want me with her - I don't know. I faked her not to go this week. And she certainly is not here with me

    I married her and that therefore is the right for me not to walk away. But making it right going there. I just cannot
     
  14. jt _couple2012

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    I think u should buy your freedom. You are lucky no kids are involved.
     
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  15. doggiestylegirluk

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    That is right no children. There never could be because she wanted only her words "pure blood children". I am one without right as my blood is not pure (parents are different nationalities).

    Not too sure what you mean with the buy comment sorry
     
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  16. fbbg

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    I suppose one deal breaker could be do either of you want kids in the future. If so then you are better splitting now if its not going to happen between you.
     
  17. jt _couple2012

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    She sound like a dam Nazi
     
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  18. jt _couple2012

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    Fuck everything man, run.
     
  19. doggiestylegirluk

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    Yes but my own children is not something I want. Of course I'm conditioned to think this way due to my wife. I think if I had pure one blood - I.e all british. She would have permitted children providing they were brought up with good honest german values. My claim that she moved to GB and lived her longer was scorned upon and attack on her German heritage and she would forgive me the first time but the second she would deal with it in punishment. I thus never raised the ideal of having children with her again and left it at that.
     
  20. doggiestylegirluk

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    Please erm she is not that type and the Germans deplore anything that that party stood for. But they are idealistic and they have their right. I just do not want to break something if there is a way around it. Hence my appeal for comments here.