A complex 'relationship'

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by dazed-confused, Aug 7, 2007.

  1. dazed-confused

    dazed-confused New Member

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    Found the site recently and decided to sign up after reading so much useful advice.

    Here's my issue: It has nothing to do with sex, but a relationship with a girl I have. I met her about 6 months ago in a class I'm taking and we hit off pretty quickly. Since I sat next to her, I asked if she wanted to go to Starbucks after class and hang out. The intention was to see if she was interesting outside of class (she has a mind and an opinion on most everything, so it's fun to debate/chat with her with)

    We ended up spending 2 hours just talking and would've stayed longer except she had an extracurricular activity, I believe it was a vocal class or something along those lines. I planned on asking her out, only to find out she has a boyfriend -- that killed me. It turns out we actually have some mutual friends and I actually spoke to them about her before finding out about the b/f, etc.

    I still hang out with her quite frequently and there are practically no secrets between us, it's really weird. Like having a best friend that is a girl... but a lot of people (the mutual friends and my friends) believe that I'm biding my time waiting for her to dump the boyfriend and make my move -- since I was originally planning on asking her out.

    I really enjoy being friends with her and all, but it's bothering me -- we were chatting one day about marriage and all that (there was a wedding outside of the place we were walking by, she actually started crying when she saw how beautiful the bride was in her dress) and I mentioned her b/f and them going forever. She gave me a look and said that he was *definitely* not the one. That totally messed with my mind...

    Her comments of me have been: I'm the 'smartest' person she knows, and I'm not bad looking (I asked her frankly once whether I was 'hot' at all and she said I was...damn this is weird)

    Basically I'm asking -- is it proper to still be wanting to be more than I am, or what... This has been gnawing at me all summer and I have no idea whether I'm a sadistic bastard or an average human being.

    Advice? and thanks in advance.
     
  2. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    If she is hanging around you and enjoying you more than her b/f that is not fair, tell her dump the b/f and go out with you.
     
  3. cook74

    Gold Member

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    Only you can gauge the full extent of the situation, so I say go with your gut.:tup
     
  4. Joe

    Joe
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    It's normal and there's nothing wrong with how you feel. If I were you I'd keep the friendship strong and wait. One of the few "loves of my life" was with a gal who was little more than a very close friend. We spent more and more time together as the friendship grew -- coffee breaks, lunches, dinners, walks, shopping, long drives. (I taught her how to drive a stick shift, so that was a good excuse to spend time together.) When her boyfriend left town on vacation for a couple weeks, we became inseparable. She finally asked me to spend the night once. I declined, but that's another story. Our relationship didn't end on the happiest of notes, as she discovered she was pregnant by him the day before she was going to break up (when he returned from vacation), so she stayed with him.

    At some point soon you should let her know that you envy her boyfriend, that you wish you could take the friendship to another level, but don't push it.

    Actually, my original relationship with my wife was as a close friend. She had a serious bf when we met, but we spent a lot of time together -- online chatting, phone calls and in person. It wasn't until after a year that she finally broke up with him to be with me. Patience has its own reward. Good luck!
     
  5. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    OH OH!! You've slipped into the "safe friend" slot in her life. About the only place you can go from there is possibly a girlfriend of hers. The "safe slot" almost never results in sex or a relationship for the man. You started out wrong. You were so eager to impress her that you were 100% a nice guy. Women don't go to bed with nice guys. They don't know it but they fall for guys that are just a bit scary. Not a real bastard, just not too nice. Once you've been "too nice" it's too late. Either accept her as a friend or move on. There are exceptions to this but not often.:eyes
     
  6. dazed-confused

    dazed-confused New Member

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    Haha buffalo. She's semi-religious so she's already told me 'no sex till marriage' which is something I have no issue with -- at this point in time, that is.

    You're not the first to mention the 'nice guy' thing to me. Darnit, I play hockey -- I'm not nice!

    Thanks for the advice from the others -- I don't really have a gut instinct at this time. Any girls wanna chime in? I'd love to see the other point of view if it's different at all. I'm sure plenty of you have been in a quasi-similar situation

    Thanks!
     
  7. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    Alls fair in love and war, go for she already said he isn't the one. I would see if she would consider you as bf material