6 Affairs

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bella, Mar 30, 2007.

  1. Bella

    Gold Member

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    The 1st Affair:

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day
    they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell
    asleep and woke up at 8 PM . The man hurriedly dressed and told his
    lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He
    put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife
    demanded. I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with
    my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." Your lying ! You've been
    playing golf!"

    The 2nd Affair:

    A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always
    talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the
    son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy
    baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
    He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his
    wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the
    two
    beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my
    back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

    The 3rd Affair:

    A mortician was working late one night he examined the body of
    Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
    Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr.
    Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
    with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
    So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I
    have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
    opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is
    dead?!?!"

    The 4th Affair:

    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
    opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She
    rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
    "Don't
    move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue." "What's
    this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a
    statue."
    she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one
    for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
    Around
    2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
    sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I
    stood
    like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned
    thing."

    The 5th Affair:

    A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man thought. He
    glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
    bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?"
    exclaimed
    the man "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied,
    "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs
    with
    your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his
    business down here."

    The 6th Affair:

    Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and
    said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to,"
    his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept
    with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
    "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

    ~Bella
     
  2. CFriis

    CFriis New Member

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    Muahahahahahah, I liked that last one, though I prefer using pure nicotine as a killing poison, it makes the victims act all funny for a few minutes before they die...
     
  3. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Wonders about CFriss.....:lol
    But those were well funny bella :p
     
  4. heelfetish

    Gold Member

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    :nerv
     
  5. CFriis

    CFriis New Member

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    *Sits in a belltower with a high-powered rifle, singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coco-nuts"*
     
  6. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    hahaha lol........starts digging a tunnel towards the guard tower ....:p
     
  7. CFriis

    CFriis New Member

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    *Knits a sofa with great speed and throws it from the tower onto the ground so that the tunnel collapses behind Kronnie*
     
  8. Bella

    Gold Member

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    Glad you like this one too! :)
    Thanks for the comments!
    ~Bella