41 and 18 - can it work?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by quentin1007, Jan 6, 2008.

  1. quentin1007

    quentin1007 New Member

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    This is a serious question. I am a 41 year old male and I fell in love with an 18 year old woman. I am interested in hearing what people have to say about a relationship like that. Do you think it can work? Is it morally right for a man my age to date a woman that young? What special issues will we face and how do we get past them? I welcome all serious replies and comments. Thank you !
     
  2. charged

    charged New Member

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    OK, guess I'll be the first to answer this one. I believe its WRONG...for several reasons.

    1. At 18, male or female, a person has not matured emotionally. Granted, females are generally much more mature at this age than males, but they're still kids. High Schools are full of 18 y/o seniors.

    2. Lets just say you were to marry this young girl........you would be a senior citizen while she was in her prime.....not a great outlook for her.

    3. .....and what if you had children?

    I could go on, but these are the heavy hitters. As requested, just my honest opinion.

    Charged!!!
     
  3. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    It depends...

    ...on how many camels and goats you have and whether or not you really feel she is worth what her family is asking and if you can afford to let go of that many.
    Personally, without having seen her teeth, I'd go no more than two camels and four, maybe, maybe five goats. It may also be wise to allow your other wives to speak on this matter, if only briefly. Will this bring harmony to the harem or discontent?
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    It can work; however, the odds are not in your favor.

    We have a neighbor whose husband is about 15 years older than her, and it's worked fine. Of course, now, the age difference is quite noticable, as she is about 55, and he is about 70. But I don't think they met and married until she was around 25 (big difference from 18, in many aspects).

    I'd suggest holding off on any real commitments until she is a bit older. And try to keep your 'expectations' within the realm of reality, so as to avert emotional stress.

    Regardless of what you decide to do, I wish you luck! You're living every man's "dream come true" :tup
     
  5. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    That's not...

    ...true, Rose. I've got three daughters, from 16 to 22 and 18 year olds are children. I'm not saying I don't notice their friends bodies, but the moment they open their mouths, they are children. Now Dreama is gonna waltz in her all pizzy any moment. :lol

    She's the exception, not the rule.

    You hit the nail on the head; it's not the age difference; it's the youth. The difference between 25-40, your friends, is huge versus 18-32, both 15 years.
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Yes, Dreama is remarkably wise and mature for her age, isn't she? But she is actually 20, not 18. When I was 18 I thought I was an "adult" and didn't have to listen to my parents anymore. Then when I turned 20, I realized that I didn't know shit when I was 18. :p

    *Incorrect grammar used deliberately for emphasis.
     
  7. Dreama

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    Well, I'm most certainly not the most mature person, and I do realize that I have a lot of growing up to do. And, it's true puss....I didn't know shit when I was 18, but then, do I really know anything now? Probably not. Lol. But, back to the topic....

    As Rose said, it can work....BUT I don't think it would be necessarily wise to embark upon a relationship like this. You could both end up setting yourselves up for a lot of hurt, because, lets face it:She's 18. She might still want to party, and have fun, and be with her peers, and this might not be the best environment for your relationship, especially if you're just into settling down. I hope everything turns out, and that you make the right decision for you, regardless of what any of us say.
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    When I was 46 I found myself falling in love with a 28-year-old woman and faced your situation. We didn't have a sexual affair, but our close friendship became more than just that. We talked some about a life together. I didn't think it would be fair to her, but she said she'd always preferred older men. The last time we talked she was engaged to a guy about my age and had a baby by him. Of course there's normally a lot of difference between an 18-year-old and a 28-year-old.

    My wife is 10 years younger than I am, and we relate well with each other, but sometimes the age difference is somewhat of a joke -- like when I say I wish I'd met her when I was 20. When she was a young pot-smoking hippy still in high school, I was an uptight business owner and civic leader. And now I'm pushing retirement age and probably won't be able to work too many more years, but she's got another decade to go before social security is available. Will she be working to support me soon, while I sit at home in the rocker? I hope not!

    Can it work? I think it's possible, but there will be a lot more roadblocks in the relationship than normal. Will you accept her friends as yours? Will they accept you? Will your friends accept her? Will her family accept you? She'll probably outlive you by 30 years.

    Is it morally right for you to date? It's legal, and I don't have the wisdom to say what's morally right or wrong beyond that, but if she was my 18-year-old daughter I'd not be happy about it.

    I wish you well and hope you make the right decision, whatever it is.
     
    #8 Joe, Jan 6, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2008
  9. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    I'm not entirely sure what you could possibly have in common with an eighteen year old girl.
     
  10. AnonymousOne

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    Yeah I'm with ya here.

    We always have more things to learn. I'd like to think I'm more mature than most other 21 year old college students ... Maybe I'm right, Maybe I'm wrong.

    I can however say that 18 year olds are still kids and they think like life = High School.
     
  11. quentin1007

    quentin1007 New Member

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    I appreciate all the responses and I just have a couple quick comments. As far as what I see in her, well this whole thing just kind of happened. I am not a old man looking for young women. My last gf was one year younger than me. I've had the talk with her about the fact that in ten years I'll be 51 and she'll only be 27. We had the talk about me growing older when she's in her prime. She realizes that she will probably outlive me. i really dont see what she sees in me to tell yo the truth. I ask myself not what a 41 yo could see in an 18 yo but rather the opposite. What can an 18 yo possible see in a 41 yo? She says its because all the guys her age only want her for her body (go figure). When I ask her questions about her feelings she does seem able to articulate them remarkably well for a girl her age and the answers are much deeper than I would expect. She thinks she is ready to settle down and raise a small family. As far as her family is concearned, her parents do not have anything to do with her anymore. She left home at 18 (she's actuallu closer to 19 now not that that is a big difference) to get away from an abusive environment. When she goes home to visit her siblings at Christmas etc. her parents barely talk to her and aren't really in her life anymore.

    I really dont know what to do here. My mind hesitates because I dont wanna hurt her in a ny way but my heart says its worth the try. Help!
     
  12. evman

    evman New Member

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    It would seem to me that most of the attraction to her are her age and looks. She is in no way done maturing as an adult (are any of us?) and she will be going through her own transformations as she gets older. My guess is that one of both of you would tire of the realationship after a time. If you are looking for some fun for a brief time then I say go for it. If you are looking for a lasting relationship I would say look elsewhere.
     
  13. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    ROTFLMAO!

    Seriously, relationships are difficult enough to make them work, without throwing in all sorts of extra differentiating factors that make it even more difficult. Seems like some good thoughts have been tossed out (like her maturity level, etc.), so just carefully consider whether you are up for the task. Of course, I guess that's something you should consider with any relationship, eh?

    BD
     
  14. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Aaaaaaand there we have it.


    How can she only be 27 in ten years if she's nearly 19? Not trying to say anything, but that just jumped out at me.
     
  15. Barbwire

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    Rut roh!
     
  16. quentin1007

    quentin1007 New Member

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    So I made a typo. I only need serious replies here, not someone nit picking at my typos.

    Thank you
     
  17. Barbwire

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    Well, don't be defensive, underage sex is illegal and a huge no-no to even discuss here. Can you blame us for being a bit edgy? Oh, and as for your original question, this is how I feel....you are waaaaaaaaaaay too old for her, period.
     
  18. quentin1007

    quentin1007 New Member

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    First of all she's almost 19, how is that illegal?
     
  19. Barbwire

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    That is not an issue, when your typo made it sound like she was only 17, it sure as heck was. Easy now, big fella! ;)
     
  20. quentin1007

    quentin1007 New Member

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    Well this thread is regressing into something that is was not meant to be. I have a legitimate issue, a serious problem here. You've said what you wanted to say and gave your opinion. Thank you.