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Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by redhotlobster, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. I don't want anyone to bash my husband cuz I still love him, but (details kept private) my husband wants to end our marriage and I don't know what to do.
     
  2. RideNaked2

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    Do you want the marriage to end? Are you still in love with your husband?

    Just a couple of questions to ask yourself...and if you do and he is willing there is always marriage counseling.

    That was the first place that I started.
     
  3. Mittimer

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    The hard thing about love is this.

    If you truly love someone, you want them happy. Even if that happy isn't with you. Being so young and in a marriage myself, that's the one thing we promised each other before we tied the knot. That with no hostility that regardless of what happens, we will always love each other and do in the end, what's best for one another. Even if that means we're apart.

    Be strong, hun. I haven't a clue what your marriage is about or why he wants to end it. But, if he's determined and unhappy, it's better to let him go then force him to stay in a marriage where he's unhappy, as it may lead to resentment which isn't something you want.
     
  4. pbs

    pbs
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    Sit down with him and ask what's wrong. Ask him to tell you, so that at least you'll understand, and not always wonder why the man you chose to love has fallen out of love with you. I also agree that you should at least give counseling a try. Maybe there's an issue you can resolve, but you have to know what it is before you can deal with it.

    Many of us on the forum have been through breakups, and there is a wealth of understanding here.
     
  5. Alwayslearningsex

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    Hello, I left my wife a few years ago and here is some insight:
    Maybe, only maybe, that there is a chance to turn things around.
    If your hubby is like me, quiet, tried to talk about things and it went nowhere and he got frustrated with it all, chances are you will not turn things around. Sorry for being negative but once a guy decides to leave he is already gone in his heart and mind, it has been running in his mind and he made his decision. Whatever the reason(s).
    Just using my own experience for advice, talking didn't work.
    If I had stayed I would have been really unhappy, I didn't like her presence, her voice, sex, went home because of my kids and responsibilities, we both felt miserable. I wish you luck and that if you both willingly go to therapy to help things out. A piece of advice: NEVER use therapy to try to change a guy to make him you YOU want him to be,
    I truly resented the therapy.
     
  6. almostthere

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    Can you fix what's wrong? Im kinda in his position. I really love my wife but im afraid to spend my life with no passion or intamacy. I don't know why my wife wont turn this around and she knows how I feel. Maybe you can before its too late. Rock his world, treat him like he's the hottest man on earth. We men need our women to make us feel special. If they don't someone else will or we will go looking for that
     
  7. Splendid_Thoughts

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    I have been in a similar situation as it seems a number of people on the forum have. Below is my experience. While I don't know the details of your own situation, maybe something here may help...

    After 15 years together, six of those married, my high school sweetheart turned to me one day after work and told me he was not sure if he loved me any more. It came as a complete surprise to me (he told me 3 weeks after my only brother died). While we had our issues, I did not think they were that bad. As it turns out, I had my head in the sand!

    We tried the marriage counselling (which ended up being more like grief counselling for me) and while we resolved a number of issues, ultimately we ended up getting a divorce. It was amicable and I count my blessings that we did not have children as this made the split that much easier on both of us. At the time though, I was very hurt, angry, upset and felt so very lost and alone.

    Six, almost seven, years on and I can tell you that while at the time I felt like I had had my heart ripped out and stomped on, I survived and have come out the other side of the whole experience a much stronger, self assured and confident person. While I am sad that our marriage ended, I don't regret it. Without that happening, I would not be where I am today.

    Counselling/therapy is not for eneryone but it is worth a shot...even if you go alone. An independant view point can help open your eyes to something you may have overlooked.

    I don't hate my ex husband. I have had no contact with him whatoever in over 4 years now. I know he got remarried (he at least told me that face to face) but other than that, our paths do not cross. This could have something to do with the fact that I moved 1000km's or 620+ miles away! :)

    Be strong, be true to yourself and most of all be realistic. You know deep in your heart the best thing to do.

    As Mittimer says...if you truely love someone, you will always want what is best for them...even if that thing is not you.
     
  8. I want the marriage to work. He doesn't. He won't try counseling. He told me a couple of days ago that it's over. Mittimer, thanks. I do truly love him and I do want him happy. It hurts like hell that he doesn't want me anymore, but I do want him happy.
     
  9. Trond

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    Maybe a break from each other would be a good thing?

    I know a couple who took a short break, and then got their relationship back together stronger than ever (they have two kids now).

    I also know a couple where the break turned permanent, but the "dumper" went from one relationship to the next while the "dumpee" found a permanent partner and is much happier now.

    Good luck!
     
  10. Update: My husband is filing for divorce. It won't work. I'm doing okay.
     
  11. Alwayslearningsex

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    Awe, I wish you a good divorce, I mean, that you get to cope okay in there.
     
  12. backcheck64

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    Do you really want to hang onto someone that really wants nothing to do with you. Let him go and move on to someone that wants to be with you.
     
  13. Wildwoman59

    Wildwoman59 New Member

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    I'm sorry you're going through such a painful experience. Everyone who responded above has given you helpful and valuable advice. The only thing I would add is that you need to take care of yourself. You need to remind yourself that you are a good and worthy person, and deserve to be in a marriage where you are loved by your partner as much as you love him. Getting yourself some personal counseling might also be beneficial. You will get through this and although right now it probably doesn't seem like you'll ever be happy again--- things will get better.
     
  14. SunshineDaydream

    SunshineDaydream New Member

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    I never been married but I hope things for you will get better in the long run. Concentrate on yourself right now, spoil yourself. :hugs: