3 strikes

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by mactheripper, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. mactheripper

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    I have recently found out that my wife has been sending another man nude pictures of herself to him. She claims that it was nothing more than flirting and that she called it off but is find this very hard to belive. This is not the first time I caught her messaging inappropriate text with other men, this has happened 2 other times in our 15 years of marriage. Reason I believe there is more to the story is becuase her girlfriends know of this other guy and knowing women, they won't let their girlfriends know that there is another guy unless it's something serous. I suspect she used her friends to get out to see him but not really sure. I do know that this has made me a mess because I just can't trust her anymore and I feel betrayed. We have 3 children ages 14, 12, and 9 and she knows I won't leave her becuase of my fear she will meet a new guy and introduce them to my kids. I just can't live with the thought of my kids sleeping in the same house with another man under the same roof. I trust no one with my kids and it's something I will not bend on. I'll stick around until are youngest is off to college then all bets are off.

    Am I overreacting of is there reason for concern? What are the chances that she's fucking other men? She won't admit it but I really want to know because if she is then I'll agree to an open relationship, because I will have my fun too.
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Devils advocate: does she know you are on here?

    You have pictures of your face on your profile.
     
  3. HotForHoney

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    Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of staying together for the kids. Especially since you have such a long time to go.
    I don't think a healthy way to live for either spouse or the kids.
    Dr. Phil once said most kids would rather come from a broken home than live in one.

    Hopefully you can get 50/50 custody and be active in your kids lives.

    You can't control what your wife does when she will have the kids. If it's unsafe, your kids are old enough to speak to the judge and say what they want.

    Think before you speak/act. You might want to consult a divorce attorney and find out given your circumstances what your options you have.
     
  4. mactheripper

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    Yes she knows and she also knows I won't hook up with anyone. It's just escapism and I never flirt
     
  5. HotForHoney

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    And you might want to get tested for std's
     
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  6. HotForHoney

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    Maybe that's all it is for her too.
     
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  7. mactheripper

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    So you don't think she's fucking?
     
  8. mactheripper

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    Already have
     
  9. HotForHoney

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    I don't know. I don't know her.
     
  10. mactheripper

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    I guess all that really matters is that I belive she is.
     
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  11. CLE32793

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    Hire a PI, get enough on her to take the kids if you feel that strongly about it. Being a mother doesn't make you a good one unfortunately.
    Get real proof before you ruin your kids 'happy home'. She may very well be fucking every Tom, Dick & Harry she can, always best to be sure.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  12. HotForHoney

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    I don't know about Tom and Harry. I think he's just worried about Dick for now.
     
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  13. CLE32793

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    Hay now, Tom and Harry are supposed to have dicks :p
     
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  14. 10_3XL

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    Don't stay with her "for the sake of the kids" -- this is coming from a guy who suffered through that bullshit. You think your kids can't/don't pick up on the tensions between Mom & Dad? You're wrong; I guaran-damn-tee you that they do. They might even call you out on it if things get bad enough. Trust me when I say it's far more damaging for you to stick it out under the misapprehension that staying with their mother is in their best interest. Doing so is harmful and wrong to everyone involved.

    You can have a "broken" home scenario that doesn't destroy a kid's life - a fact that too many people are ignorant of. If my parents had split when they first felt it would be a good idea (when I was 4) rather than when they did (when I was 14), things would have been much better for me. That's not a supposition on my part; it's crazy emotionally damaging to be a kid living in a household where Mom & Dad don't trust, like, or really love each other. It gets in your head. You start to question and blame yourself. It messes with how you relate to other kids and your romantic partners in the future. Remember that kids learn from example and that kids are far more perceptive than most people give credit. Your kids are seeing this and it's having an effect - whether they openly acknowledge it or not.

    Don't believe me on this? Ask their therapists here in about ten years.
     
  15. GuyBme

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    Man , that is a tough situation. I guess there is not a lot I know but from what you said it is not good.
    First , it may be just flirting , an outlet , maybe she just needs a little excitment or feel the rush of another guy flirting with her , getting compliments and so on . But you have to talk more with her and get to the bottom of it , if this is not the first time then there may be an issue. Actually sleeping around ? Hard to say .
    As for staying together for the kids I understand where you are coming from but i believe in the end that is not a good idea.
    Either way good luck man , tough situation , i do not know enough to give you great advice
     
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  16. backcheck64

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    Where there's smoke......

    I would have documented the "flirting" and inappropriate pics and filed for divorce. If you're squeaky clean and she's pulling this shit, you could very well wind up with primary custody.
     
  17. HalfNaked

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    Women are constantly searching for a better option, a better mate. They may not even be aware they are doing it. The fact is she is losing or has lost attraction for you. The situation is made worse by the fact that she knows you are too scared to leave her for multiple reasons, mainly the kids. She will never respect you until you show yourself enough respect to leave her. Let her know subtly at first through your words and actions that you can attract other women and that you will, if necessary move on from her. This is accomplished by focusing more on yourself. Lift weights, take up a new hobby, stay out late a couple nights a week for a while, don't always feel the need to justify your actions or your whereabouts to her, flirt lightly with cashiers or waitresses etc. show her you are a man again. You must instill in her a sense of fear that her poor behaviour will have serious repercussions.
     
  18. Sagittarius84

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    She is exhibiting inappropriate behavior, period. I can't say whether or not she is actually physically cheating on you or not, but honestly it doesn't matter.
    I don't agree with all of what Mr "Evo-psych" says above me, but i do concur that now should be about you feeling better about yourself. I don't recommend even implying the attentions of other women because that will work against you in divorce court if it comes to that..if she is or is thinking about straying, she has planned for it and any "evidence" you have will be reduced to heresay. Check your own p's and q's, you talk about harmless escapism and flirting? It better be so, because forum can be an archive for her divorce attorney to crucify you with.
    Ultimatums are rarely the answer, but i think this situation demands one. Tell her for the marriage to even have a chance of surviving, the flirting stops, on all levels, and that it is non negotiable. Don't allow her to tell you what you need to do for her, because you aren't the one sending(or hopefully receiving) nudes. She doesn't get to set terms for the further success of a marriage until she actually demonstrates dedication to said marriage..
    And the kids will be alright, even if you separate/divorce, especially at their current ages. What will really fuck them up in the game is having an unchecked whorish mother and a involuntarily cuckolded father.
     
  19. HalfNaked

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    Sagittarius it is an undeniable fact that women have a strong desire for men who are capable of attracting other women. It is also foolish to disregard the fact that the vast majority of women desire and admire / respect strong, confident, powerful men over soft, effeminate, supplicating men.
    I'm certainly not suggesting that he should divorce his wife, as that would be terrible for the children. Not to mention that him being male will almost certainly result in him losing any fair shot at custody by default. My advice to instill a sense of fear in her is not out of spite or malice towards her, but to reignite her desire and respect for him as a self respecting man with options.
    I disagree with your suggestion that he offer her the ultimatum of getting her act together or getting out, as ultimatums rarely work and will most likely result in her viewing him as a desperate man throwing a tantrum in a last ditch effort to secure her loyalty again. He can repair and bolster his relationship only through his actions. The ultimatum route may seem logical to men, but women are far more tuned in to their emotions than we are, and are much more likely to follow them. And in this case, right now her emotions seem to be aimed at someone other than her husband. He needs to become her object of desire again.
     
  20. Sagittarius84

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    Why does she deserve that? No woman in history in her right mind should look at her about to cheat husband as a mark against her unless she is actively trying to push him away.
    And how is your suggestion of instilling fear any better? Are we of the opinion that relationships should form from love and understanding, or a mutual fear some alpha is going to swoop in and take our significant others away? Assuming OP is being honest, what really as a man with teenaged children and a stable household couldve he have done to allow her emotions and ovaries to override her adult sensibilities as to how-to behave in a purported monogamous marriage?
    That's why the evo psych mess doesn't fly with me, it's a bunch of pseudoscience partially based in animal behavior concocted by dudes wanting to justify their own feelings/actions of infidelity, and to further remove another aspect of womens agency to make decisions, right or wrong. Because OP can up his desirability quotient all he wants, and you know what, she might be drawn back to him, ovaries first..but you and I both know, there's always a better looking, richer, taller, bigger dick having guy out there, and some may even be more family oriented, so again you live in this primal fearful existence of not having your hen house raided....
    Or...here's a thought..hold the adult woman responsible for her own shitty decisions, and have her make the effort to correct said issues so that she may actually have a valid opinion when it comes to what she wants out of the marriage. I happen to believe OP shouldn't change a thing about himself until then if he wants a equal and truly loving and accepting partnership/marriage.
     
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