2nd Marriage, how are they better?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Godiva, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    The thread by MarcPatrick had me thinking...

    IF you are in your second Marriage, I'm curious to know:

    Why are happy you with the later spouse compared with the former?

    What were the break dealer differences here?

    What does your new spouse have that your old one doesn't?

    And quite importantly, what was the amount of years you've spent with each?

    Do you regret marrying any of them in the first place?



    Pardon me if i'm being nosy, but you do not have to answer if you do not wish :). I just find this topic interesting.
     
  2. pbs

    pbs
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    I was stupid to marry my first wife, but I was young and had little experience. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't marry the first wife.
     
  3. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    Wow very interesting! It's amazing at how much longer the second marriages seem to go for! I mean usually it is a case of marrying the wrong person but not realizing but those with , say, 4 or 5 marriages, it's normally a problem with that person, i find. :)
    I'm glad that you are happy now with your current wife, it's so refreshing to hear that second chances can be worthwhile!
    It makes me a bit sad though, i kind of wish my parents divorced young so they could meet someone they truly loved.
     
  4. pbs

    pbs
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    Are you looking for a second chance?
     
  5. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    Nope, never married. :) I just read in that topic i mentioned earlier and I was intrigued. I don't want marriage, because i think it equals divorce and/or unhappiness. It's striking me that people can have a second, willingly go into all that bullshit again, and actually be happy.
    I find it intriguing, there is no other word for it.
     
  6. HardRocker

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    Second time around many people learn to avoid the mistake of not discussing everything under the sun, from ideas on finances, child making, parenting, sharing responsibilities, etc. etc. etc. I'm my wifes second, she's my first, going on 28 years. You mention all that bullshit. No bullshit should be involved, in fact should be strongly avoided. Don't be a bullshitter and agree that nothing positive can be accomplished by bullshitting. It may be a hard habit to break, I suppose.
     
    #6 HardRocker, Oct 7, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2011
  7. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    So your saying talk about EVERYTHING even nasty topics? Well yeah, i did that, i kinda thought that was compulsory upon being serious with someone???
     
  8. pbs

    pbs
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    I don't know what current attitudes are among the younger set these days regarding marriage, but one thing I've read in my life has stuck with me - "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I've met plenty of man haters in my life, who wanted nothing to do with men at all, but as soon as they meet Mr. Right, things change. It's all about finding the right guy, then it's a no brainer, IMhO of course.

    I came out of a really nasty marriage when I met my current wife, and it took probably 20 minutes for me to decide that I had met my angel. From the very start I knew that I wanted to hold onto her as tightly as I could, and I have ever since.

    I hope one day you'll be as lucky as I was.
     
    #8 pbs, Oct 10, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2011
  9. HardRocker

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    Then that puts you in the smart people category. Others get married without first finding out whether they are on the same pages about their approach to sharing their ways of life. Not that there won't be differences and compromises. But at least they have a plan, which will invariably need adjusting, but fewer irreconcilable surprises.
     
  10. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    pbs- i agree, that happened to me. But what happens when Mr Right all of a sudden is seen in a different light, and again you go back to your original views of miserable marriages?
    Yeh me too. :)

    HardRocker- i probably talked about too much, literally downloading streams of questions on all these marriage counseling type sites that you should ask. All of our questions were compatible except a small few that didn't really matter or could easily be negotiated upon.
    I found out in early high school the secret to love. Attraction, meets compatible aspirations. So long as you think the person is beautiful in your eyes and you both want the same things in life (not the exact same job, but both want a marriage, both want a modest living, both want a house near the sea...2 kids.. etc...) then it will work. I think. That's a pretty good guestimate for a early highschooler pre-puberty! :)

    I've been thinking about this for a while....haha. I believed love did not exist. It was an...illusion of chemicals in the brain. And my friend told me love was an action not an emotion. I actually think it's a bit of both, but it's definitely not an emotion.