22 years...and still no sex

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by loveprof, May 21, 2015.

  1. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    I haven't been on the site in awhile. I hope those who read this post will understand the place of pain it comes from.

    I am a generally upbeat, happy person whom people love to be with. I have absolutely no problem approaching and talking to the opposite sex and can easily get a date.

    But I never get laid...ever.

    The title of this post is no exaggeration. My youngest daughter turns 21 in a few weeks. Her conception was the last time I've had sex, since her mother would never let me touch her after that. Her mother and I divorced 8 years ago...and I'm still not getting laid. And this does not, as some have claimed, mean I don't want sex or have less drive than others. Like most men, I think of it often.

    I've read books on the subject, seen a psychologist and still have no success. Even my female friends don't understand it, because they say I'm attractive and fun to be with.

    As you can imagine, after this long, I have almost no hope any longer.
     
  2. Englishman

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    The only thing I can say about it. Don't go looking for sex let it find you.
     
  3. 10_3XL

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    Tough spot to be in. I have no clue of the full details of your situation, so any suggestions or advice I may give is (more) limited.

    I suppose I'd say that if you're not opposed to the concept there's always "escort" services. Or if you're really brave and indiscriminate you could use Casual Encounter websites.

    Additionally, it is common when I see posts like yours or hear someone talking about this offline - the problem is something other than physical appeal. It's usually a mental/emotional block of the person who's "not gettin' any," an off-putting habit or behavior they have, or a lack in the ability to be upfront and say, "Hey, I'm into you; you seem into me. Let's go somewhere private and... /cues funky porn music./"
     
  4. Sweetlysad

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    Why didn't you touch your wife after you child conception? Did you have a regular sex life before that?

    Female friends say you are attractive. Are you dating?
    Are you not getting to the stage with the women you are date when you are ready to have sex?

    I think there has to be some underlying issue here. It's not as simple as I haven't been laid.
     
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  5. HotForHoney

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    Maybe you need to up your game/get more comfortable with sex. Hang with us a bit.

    I'm not sure how I'd feel knowing you haven't had sex in 20 years and me being your "first". Do you tell dates that before?
     
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  6. backcheck64

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    One word...hookers.
     
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  7. lbushwalker

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    Yep, you need your mojo back.
    One thing that strikes me though is the expectation of getting "laid".
    Seems to me you are a sub personality so look for a Mistress type that will command you.
    I might totally wrong but anyway you don't appear to be very proactive.
    I am an older dude and it does not matter where I go have no such issues but then like others have said no expectations either but if it happen ducks line up have no hesitation in prosecuting. I think that is called having confidence in oneself.
    Another thing is that I truly love and respect women in general and that must be felt by them.
     
    #7 lbushwalker, May 21, 2015
    Last edited: May 21, 2015
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  8. cbrmale

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    I agree. It sounds flippant but it would help to regain confidence with women. Would also do away with pent-up sexual tension. I have done this when in sexual droughts in my younger years and the women are generally lovely.
     
  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    A hooker may be an idea although it doesn't give the "quality" you may look for.
    Try the sites to meet someone, or go to social places to meet Don't make it too much of an issue to meet someone for sex, companionship,
    but maybe more like just meeting, nothing else. It took me quite a while to meet my friend here, almost 6 months, so be patient.
     
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  10. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    Other people have said similar things but....after all these years...one does begin to wonder.
     
  11. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    No, actually, my wife wasn't ever into sex much to begin with. I've jokingly said that I felt like a houseboy and a sperm donor. When she was ready to have a child, she would put on the full court press...candles, sexual aggressiveness, even oral sex which she never did otherwise.... Once she was pregnant, all bets were off. Since our divorce, she has told our daughters that she didn't ever really want to have to share her home with another person. I think, because of her conservative upbringing, she couldn't think of another way to have children. I have very few dates; those I have generally end at the door. I had one woman that wanted to take things to the next level but I wasn't feeling anything for her along those terms. So we just hang out.
     
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  12. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    I ran into another guy who was older than me the other day who said the same thing. Claimed he could walk out of any bar with even younger, good-looking women. First of all, I'm not sure I believe him but my older brother was the same way. Even when he didn't look all that great, women were all over him. I have great confidence in approaching women and talking to them...but only one has ever been interested in anything more, and I, unfortunately, was not into her in that way at all. I'm convinced that I just don't have the "sexual attractiveness" gene or something...I know plenty of guys my age who are out of shape and not all that attractive but have no trouble getting a woman to go home with them. In terms of my "mojo"...you're making the assumption I ever had any. The only woman I ever had sex with was my wife, so I have no experience getting women into bed nor do I have any idea where I guy my age (58) would go to find such women.

    Actually, love and respect has turned out to be a big part of my issue. I have and will always treat women in this way; but I've found this is puts me right straight into the friend zone.
     
    #12 loveprof, May 23, 2015
    Last edited: May 23, 2015
  13. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    I've done all of the above and have never made it about just having sex. I've been divorced for 8 years now, so don't you think I've shown quite a bit of patience???
     
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  14. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    Well, there is that whole issue of legality...don't have any felonies on my record and would prefer to keep it that way.
     
  15. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    One word...illegal.
     
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  16. AGFUNK

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    Why don't you try a sex website then? One that's made for finding people to have sex with.
     
  17. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    No...I do not mention this to dates. And I'd be very comfortable with sex if any woman in whom I was interested gave me the opportunity. I will admit, as one other responder inferred, that I am not an aggressive personality. But you'd think that, at least in the 8 years since my divorce, someone would have made a play. Part of the issue also may be that I am not a clubber nor do I drink much at all. I do hang out at some bars in restaurants, etc., but not really the type places I guess most "party girls" would go. Besides, I'm a bit old for that lifestyle and was never part of it to begin with. I'm 58 and tend to be more into the bookstore, concert or movie scene.
     
  18. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    Have done that as well...multiple times with no luck. Most of them are not real people...sex bots put there to keep you paying your monthly fee.
     
  19. AGFUNK

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    Try craigslist.
     
  20. loveprof

    loveprof Member

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    Have looked into the two options you mention, though the first is illegal and the second tends to be the first pretending to be something else. You are correct that the problem is something other than physical appeal. Besides reading up on how to approach women, I have also spent much time in therapy with an excellent psychologist. Certainly a big part of the issue is what you mention in your last statement but, after many attempts, I have had to just accept that I am not an aggressive personality. I don't read women well and tend to only put them off if I head in that direction. Sad but true. They love having me for a friend, spending time together, joking, laughing, etc., but never heading to the bedroom. Things were pretty much the same with my wife, though I feel that had more to do with her than me. She just didn't care about sex or having a partner, which is why she's never even gone out on a date since our divorce. Certainly, my confidence has taken a big shot, after 27 years with a woman who rarely wanted sex and, when she did, mostly allowed me to pleasure her, seldom the other way round unless she had an agenda. But, truthfully, I never had "game" when it came to women. She was the first and only woman I ever had sex with (though I certainly had plenty of foreplay with others). But after that beating and the total lack of any success since, I'd say my confidence is pretty much in the toilet with regard to getting laid. No problems meeting women or engaging them in conversation.