NEWBIE here please help i cum way too fast

so hear it goes after a long over done marrage of 7 years i found a very awesome beautiful girlfriend but theres issues i hope can be answered here. well for some reason i have alot of trouble not blowing my load. this was never a issue with anyone else in my past. im 29 very healthy if that helps. im extreamly attracted to her. things are different though, she has never got a orgasm by penetration ever she says. this is the first time ive encountered this. she does reach orgasm by external stimulation though. also shes very tight sometimes its like trying to break a door down. i like it but im not as used to this kinda tightness. we usally have to use a lubricant since she dont get very wet. no problem i feel like a chemist trying to figure the right amount of lube. also she says my penis is almost too wide its 6.25" diameter and a honest 6" long so i dont think thats big or small. for a bj ( which i have no problem holding back my load while recieving a bj go figure what gives?) weve been trying this for a year and im so thrown off as to why i have a hard time holding back. its frustrating for both of us. the closest i can figure is i get alot of stimulation from right behind the top of the head and when im all the way in her she grabs it very tight with her vigina at the base and it is so hard to hold back. she does do kegels and does it show. ive done some research that said for me to do kegels to hold back. or i seen desensitising creams. ive never had this issue before. i feel like a idiot waiting so long to ask somewhere these questions and i thank you in advance for your help. so please what will help me.

the sensations between oral and vaginal sex are different- its quite possible that her vag is a tigher hold on you, which could make a difference in the speed of your orgasm. try a nice, tight fitting cock ring- they make some that go around the head, the base, or wrap around the balls and base. experiement with those and the kegels sound like good advice as well. the desenstizing creams- we've not had much experience with those. what kind of lube are you guys using? some lubes are better than others. how much foreplay do you guys do before you end up inside her? If she's not getting wet enough, maybe you need to spend more time getting her ready. invest in a dildo and some good, high end lube.

We use a ky lube thats about 8.00 or so. Do you have a suggestion on a lube to try?
Sometimes foreplay is short ill be in the middle of giving her oral and shes like stick it in already after 5-10 min then she wants it sac deep and fast if i try to short stroke her and slow down for 10 seconds shes like come on and im like hold on. Now if shes on top im not too bad but she says im wide and its hard to straddle me. Mind you im not fat im 5'11 with a pretty good build. So she font get on top as much. Also she dont care for doggy style very much. She like it on her side with her legs like scissors and me on top. Or missionary. and those two i have to worst time holding back.

Idk this is frustrating for sure.

with regards to the positions she favors- they make her sheath, as you will, tighter, which is probably why you come so fast.
she doesn't like doggy, cowgirl or anything where she has to do any of the work (it seems like). She is impatient for you to "stick it in"... let me ask you this- do you get any attention before you "stick it in"? (Bj, hand job, that kind of thing...) I maybe wrong, but I get the feeling that she's a selfish lover, and that's unfair for you.
other lubes to try- Astroglide (it works well for anal, but it also works really well for pretty much anything, its nice and slick), H2O lubes- those are waterbased and also pretty stick. They also make flavored lube that actually don't taste awful. Our favorite (although a bit pricey) is Eros. Its very slick and lasts a long time, and its good for all kinds of play. I feel for you- I hope you guys can work something out, because a frustrating sex life leads to frustration in other parts of your relationship, and a healthy and loving sex life is extremely important to any romantic relationship. For it to work though, you need to be sexually compatible, and it doesn't seem as though you guys are, at least from the little you have shared.
How often do you masturbate? Try boosting your playtime, and it might help you last longer if you've recently had an orgasm.

I think your right on the selfish lover thing. I had not thought much of it till now. I tend to start off rubbing touching kissing all while she lays there then its " stick it in" . in the beginning she would go after me like crazy i could barely keep up. We would be driving and pull over for a bj or quicky. That was atleast 8 months ago.

Now im trying to be understanding since i know shes gained about 25lbs i dont mind but it bugs her so weve started exercising since its good for both of us. Actually i like a thicker woman and shes very curvy and beautiful.

Thanks for the info on lube as ive never really used it before.

Oh on masterbating ive played arround with doing it say 3 hrs before sex or different times. Once a day to skip 2-3 days.

I seem best if i have a good drain the day before maybe 2 times or the opposite works well to where i save it for a few days and do the start stop thing and let just a little out then after im better.

But thats where im at for now. Im open for suggestions though.

Also this wasn't a issue in my last relationships. I know its possible for it to change.

I would have to agree on the selfish lover statement.
I dealt with someone selfish not long ago, and she was completely oblivious. It happens, and I am honestly surprised in sexual incompatibility. Some people just prefer certain things/styles, and there is a lot of variety in the sexual world.
I mentioned to a friend of mine, the sexual incompatibility issue, his response "thats ok, teach her!"
When I tried to talk to her, she seemed receptive, but the words never turned into actions.

Years ago, I never would have imagined that sex could be a problem, but, sometimes it is.
Either a couple is willing to work together to please each other, or they aren't.

Update.

Well comunication is better. It wasnt bad before but its better now. I went to my doctor just as a sanity check. Talk about embarassing but she told me most issues are not getting it up. So after kegels more controled breathing not letting performance anxiety get me and a few different positions sex is way better now. Missionary is better but still a bitch for me with her. Shes gotten a little friskier lately so that helps. Because if things didnt change i dont know how long i can stay in a stale sex life. Ill see how things progress i hope better and better but time will tell.

I never thought id go to a forum for sex advice but this place is informative.