Do you ever feel...

Moon · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by PusiLiquor

Like your Significant Other only expresses his/her personality to others online, and not you? Like he/she is not themself.

Ive thought this sometimes in all seriousness.. He doesnt laugh, or smile. Nor does he show affection to me as much anymore.Hes become quote dull (personality wise). But I see him laughing and smiling and all giddy all hours of the day when hes interacting with his online~'Social-Life'. Im kind of jealous.

His personality is fizzling.To me a strong personality is the biggest turn on. He only smiles and laughs and show affection when he wants to get laid. I'm so over it. He wonders why his intimacy numbers are dropping. I dont want to feel like im just "a sexual vent/Item" to his online fantasies.

/Rant. Thanks for listening.

Any advice or opinions would be appreciated!

Ok so was he the life of the party with you when you were courting? And now he has you he has settled into Mr Boring with you but switches back on when he chats to new people?

It sounds like the honeymoon is over and real life is kicking in. He can't be up the whole time, on the other hand you might need to remind him that romancing a lady does not end when she commits to him.

So my advice - for what its worth!! - is to allow him space to do what he wants (within reason) online, join him if he goes to car events (show an interest in what interests him) and tell him he is neglecting you and you expect to be shown the same respect that you are showing him.

Imo turning on the charm simply to get laid is not gentlemanly behaviour!! How much do you have invested in this relationship?

Kermit · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by PusiLiquor

So no other input, expeirences, advice? Id really appriciate some more input. Youve all been awesome!

I was discussing this thread with a friend of mine, she wanted to post about it but was afraid of it sounding corny or too deep for hte board and would upset the "aerodynamics" of the board. But in the interest of input, input i don't wnat to take credit for, she saw parallels between alcoholism and internet addiction. It made some sense to me as some alcoholics only come alive when they have alcohol in their system. Maybe thats t he case, maybe it's not, but i wish she had brought it up here lol.

Flame · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kermit38

I was discussing this thread with a friend of mine, she wanted to post about it but was afraid of it sounding corny or too deep for hte board and would upset the "aerodynamics" of the board. But in the interest of input, input i don't wnat to take credit for, she saw parallels between alcoholism and internet addiction. It made some sense to me as some alcoholics only come alive when they have alcohol in their system. Maybe thats t he case, maybe it's not, but i wish she had brought it up here lol.

I have heard that too. There is a whole online community called "World of Warcraft Widows and Widowers" that is dedicated to the partners of the men and women who become addicted to that online game. It has been said that when you become addicted to being online, it is just like being addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Meee · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cowboy Lover

You don't have to lose the technology altogether; you can take a break from it to reconnect with him. Can the two of you go away for a weekend without any distractions and just talk things out?

I'm glad I went through all the pages before I replied, because this is what I was going to suggest and it's already been suggested. So now I will second this idea. Getting away will help both of you take a break from computers, but it will also be a change of pace in the relationship. It will be a time for you to renew and refresh and get to know each other again. Even if there wasn't a problem with online distractions, a weekend away can be a good thing in any relationship that has been going flat.

Kermit · 02-26-11

Theres the same phenomenon with football, where wives feel neglected during football season. It's one of the reasons my mom married my dad, his lack of interest in football (unlike his dad). I inherited his lack of interest in football (used to like baseball and basket ball as a child but lost it, but still have an affinity for baseball)

BlasphemousGirl · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by andretti

Here's my thought: some people have an easier time expressing themselves in writing than orally. Maybe he's just more comfortable with writing than with speaking. Maybe online communities have enabled him to do that so much that he's losing his verbal communication skills.

If that hunch is correct at all, then I'd recommend *joining* him online. Maybe not in the cars-and-trucks forum - that won't meet your needs at all. But you could send him flirtatious emails regularly, and request that he reply. Send him affectionate text messages throughout the day, and ask that he correspond in kind.

Now that the internet age has been around for awhile, we've learned how many individuals react to online communication. It can grow into an addiction, to the point where it can distract people from their "real-world" relationships.

Instead of trying to compete with these on-line communication media, though, you can leverage them, as a way to reestablish a bond with him. Hopefully, that'll just be a starting point, and it will eventually spill over into your everyday life as well.

Best of luck...

I still try ( with no response ) I feel that I an now competing with his online world.I do understand that you can express yourself , and be more open to who you really are--especially when you dont know these people. You can be anyone. And not worry about the dirty looks. Its hard to go back to reality after that. Honestly, its been on going for more than a couple of years. Its just gotten worse. I talk to him tell him hes doing it, and he Denys everything like hes committing a sin. Then snaps at me for interrupting. Ill have to take working on it to an entirely new level.
Once again , Thank you. Your words are a very helpful!

BlasphemousGirl · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by andretti

Here's my thought: some people have an easier time expressing themselves in writing than orally.

This^.So True.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moon

Ok so was he the life of the party with you when you were courting? .... erm, thats a no. He's always been kind of boring. But he was boring *with* me. We made things fun. And now he has you he has settled into Mr Boring with you but switches back on when he chats to new people?... and NOW, hes bringing *Me* down, and turning me into " Mrs. Boring".

It sounds like the honeymoon is over and real life is kicking in. He can't be up the whole time, on the other hand you might need to remind him that romancing a lady does not end when she commits to him.

So my advice - for what its worth!! - is to allow him space to do what he wants (within reason) online, join him if he goes to car events (show an interest in what interests him)I do.. and have. and tell him he is neglecting you and you expect to be shown the same respect that you are showing him.
Imo turning on the charm simply to get laid is not gentlemanly behaviour!! How much do you have invested in this relationship?Nearly a decade!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kermit38

I was discussing this thread with a friend of mine, she wanted to post about it but was afraid of it sounding corny or too deep for hte board and would upset the "aerodynamics" of the board. But in the interest of input, input i don't wnat to take credit for, she saw parallels between alcoholism and internet addiction. It made some sense to me as some alcoholics only come alive when they have alcohol in their system. Maybe thats t he case, maybe it's not, but i wish she had brought it up here lol.

Addiction is an absolute answer. I've come to realize that. I think I may have to go online and try to reach him that way. Its the last chance, because I wont keep feeling like im competing. I just dont get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flame

I have heard that too. There is a whole online community called "World of Warcraft Widows and Widowers" that is dedicated to the partners of the men and women who become addicted to that online game.

--thats so sad

I hate WOW. lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meee

I'm glad I went through all the pages before I replied, because this is what I was going to suggest and it's already been suggested. So now I will second this idea. Getting away will help both of you take a break from computers, but it will also be a change of pace in the relationship. It will be a time for you to renew and refresh and get to know each other again. Even if there wasn't a problem with online distractions, a weekend away can be a good thing in any relationship that has been going flat.

I agree. a get away is much, MUCH needed. Oh man is it needed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kermit38

Theres the same phenomenon with football, where wives feel neglected during football season. It's one of the reasons my mom married my dad, his lack of interest in football (unlike his dad). I inherited his lack of interest in football (used to like baseball and basket ball as a child but lost it, but still have an affinity for baseball)

I would have never go with a football fan just for that reason. The " do you like sports" comes up on the first date. LOL

But, like i said he likes alot of other things that dont interest me, as do I. We cant have everything in common

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueLizard

A couple questions come to mind PL (love the name btw...lol). Are you so disinterested in the sites he goes to you can't talk about his likes with him? Maybe he feels you are and has no interest in talking to you about them.

Do you have two computers available? Dreamer & I have been known to be on the same site and send private messages. And they get downright raunchy and ALWAYS lead to other things. If that won't get his attention...he has a problem...not you!

Please don't take this the wrong way. I don't know you and would never presume anything...but...do you feel like you're boring? I mean...do you add to any conversation about anything you two may have? Or is he talking about one thing and you go off on a tangent in another direction? Just curious...

And if Dreamer started masturbating next to me while I was on the computer, I am so off this damn thing.....

A couple questions come to mind PL (love the name btw...lol).
Thank you.lol
Are you so disinterested in the sites he goes to you can't talk about his likes with him?
I am, Its about cars and such which I have no interest in what so ever. Maybe he feels you are and has no interest in talking to you about them.
Understood, and agreed. I attend a few forums myself that pertain to my hobbies in which he has no interest as well either, I dont expect him to give them up. We need our "outs". I dont want to invade his space or privacy either.
Do you have two computers available?
Yes.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I don't know you and would never presume anything...but...do you feel like you're boring?
I do sometimes , actually... or not boring enough for him. Maybe im *too perky* for him? I dont know. I have a fun , out-going, humorous and perky personality. Im always laughing, smiling. I'm smart and can carry on a good conversation. I have an open mind and love sex and new things in the bedroom. I dont mean to be egotistical--but Id date me! Hes quite the opposite from me though, maybe i expect to much from him. do you add to any conversation about anything you two may have? Or is he talking about one thing and you go off on a tangent in another direction? Just curious...
Well, most of the time. But usually hell rant about his hobbies or something that i dont understand. So, its hard to keep in the conversation...

BlasphemousGirl · 02-26-11

Hopefully my inserted replies were legible... It was easier to answer the questions. I've come to realize a lot of things and i appreciate all of your patience, and responses. Thank you!

Kermit · 02-26-11

They absolutely are legible, you may be new here, but we will do everything in our power to help you in this rough patch

Ready2Please · 02-26-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kermit38

Theres the same phenomenon with football, where wives feel neglected during football season. It's one of the reasons my mom married my dad, his lack of interest in football (unlike his dad). I inherited his lack of interest in football (used to like baseball and basket ball as a child but lost it, but still have an affinity for baseball)

I LIVE baseball. So I need a man who loves sports and is active in sports/outdoor activities.

This is my no. 1 on my list when it comes to guys I date.

brenda · 02-26-11

hey baseball is Americana like apple pie and Chevrolet's.

dreamer60 · 03-05-11

Ok....when Blue and I got together I had wandered from my tomboy roots being the only child of a sports fanatic of the truest. I didn't know squat about NASCAR, football and very little about baseball even though these things were a part of my growing up.
I decided it would be best if I watched sports and the things Blue was interested in so I could ask questions. It worked. I found that I do enjoy much of the same programs and sports Blue does...except maybe the fishing shows.....but I can tolerate one thing...duh.
My point is that maybe he thinks you wouldn't be interested in the stuff he's into. It really breaks the communication lines when this happens and communication is a biggie in any relationship.
I play online games and when we have both computers up and going, Blue will come into a room with me and talk dirty to me...lol. It's all in fun and we have a ball.

BlasphemousGirl · 03-06-11

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamer60

My point is that maybe he thinks you wouldn't be interested in the stuff he's into. It really breaks the communication lines when this happens and communication is a biggie in any relationship.
.

.......yeah, were really NOT into any of the same things. a few games here and there. Some computer. But eh

Marcpatrick · 03-06-11

Have you thought about having a second lover? Extra-marital flings tend to do wonders for long-term relationships. At the very least he will sit up and notice you once again...

sxekevin · 03-08-11

How much time do you spend AROUND each other, not WITH each other? If you spend a lot of time around each other, then you should go and do your own thing. Have a good time without him, and I'm sure he will miss you and want to please you in any manner you wish

Do you ever feel...

Originally Posted by PusiLiquor Like your Significant Other only expresses his/her personality to others online, and not you? Like he/she is not themself. Ive thought this sometimes in all seriousness.. He doesnt laugh, or smile.