Sexual Nervousness

Hey All.. I'm new here.

I have a bit of a problem that started a few month back. To give some background.. I started seeing a girl that I had fallen in love with a few years back but never got serious with. I just got out of a serious and sexual relationship with another girl. To make a long story short the girl, whom I had started talking to again, and I had a few drinks and ended up fooling around. I began by kissing her and eventually started fingering her.. she loved it. Then time came to have sex..the problem aside from being pretty drunk, was that I was a bit nervous throughout the situation, maybe because I didn't expect it or because my feelings for her were coming back. I was unable to get an erection. So we ended up fooling around more and went to sleep. Over the course of the next few months we fooled around quite a few times and I was nervous again and again.. my confidence was being hacked away by these situations. I wanted nothing more than to please this girl and have some good sex. I know she wanted to as well but my penis would not cooperate. It was defintely a performance anxiety issue. Her and I are not in a relationship, just close friends so when we hooked up it was spontaneous. Is there any good way to break this cycle? Thanks for listening.

Welcome to !

This is a common problem that most virgins have, although you're not a virgin. It's all mental and if you just relax you'll be able to get it up. That's the key usually for this problem. You just need to clear your mind an dget into the moment.

Yah this happened to me my first time.. but the girl i was with then was my g/f so she was alot more open to helping me through it.. so i had some time to relax and compose myself.. once i did it i had no problems after that.. it's just that the new girl, although a close friend, is not all about being with me.. so the time i have with her is limited. She is a bit selfish in bed.. i guess that's something that leads to being nervous.

You mentioned drinking the first time you two were reunited. I assume that was not the case the other recent times you were with her. That out of the way, the only thing I can think of is what Ryan said above. Slim chance it could me something medical but from the numerous guys who have posted about that same problem on SexualForums it is almost always head problem. Good luck.

I also think it's getting worse by being too nervous. Just try to relax and forget that you WANT this to happen. Cuddle and don't expect anything to happen. Try to concentrate at your body and her and try to see her as she is, nice and sexy. Once you'll get over the fear, I think it will all be Ok. Keep us posted

These experiences can have a way of feeding on themselves. You've had ED in the past, so you're afraid you'll have it again. That anxiety causes it to happen. I'd suggest a visit to your doctor for some Viagra-type meds, just to get you over the hurdle. Levitra is supposed to work the fastest. You might ask your doctor if he has a sample pack or two you can try.

If this is happening after you've been drinking, however, just don't drink -- or at least keep it to a minimum. Alcohol, stress, and the need for sleep are all killers when it comes to sexual performance.