Break-Up & Masturbation

Hello all:
First time posting here. So my boyfriend just broke up with me the day before yesterday and I'm totally devastated. I would give details, but for this post it's not really pertinent.

My question/problem is this. Even though I'm really down in the dumps, crying a lot, etc, part of me wants to masturbate. I'm worried that this might make me feel worse. I should note that I always use pornography when masturbating.

Has anyone else out there felt bad/guilty about masturbating right after being dumped? Am I being silly? I'm afraid to do anything that might make me feel worse. In case it matters, though it shouldn't, I'm a 34-year-old gay male coming out of a six month relationship that sprang from being best friends for five years.

Any help/suggestions are very much appreciated!

Masturbation has been a self-comforting tool I've used since I was a small child. It almost always makes me feel more relaxed and at peace when I'm done.

The only advice I can give you is, jerk it. It if makes you feel bad, stop. If it makes you feel good, do it again. Not trying to trivialize your problem, but that makes the most sense to me. *shrugs*

Love how you described yourself in your profile, btw.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Generally, I agree with you 100%, but typically if I masturbate without porn, I think of him, but then I don't typically masturbate without porn. I don't know why I would feel shameful about doing it, but maybe I should disregard how I might feel, and just do it and see how it goes. I just don't want it to turn into some sort of sad, tearful act.

And thank you, Cowboy, for your compliment. Humor is my number one coping mechanism. I'd like to hear a reply from you again.

When is there a better time to do it. Dig out your porn and give yourself relief. It is not only sex relief but natures way of letting us let off stress. Even animals do it. No guilt should be involved, it is natural.

I think why I may be feeling bad about it is that when I watch porn, I can just picture Jacob, my ex-boyfriend, doing the same thing. And the idea of him being with another guy right now simply makes me upset and sickened. He did say, though, that he is not going to start dating/hooking up, or even having sex for some time, mainly due to some surgery he's about to have. So maybe that's why I'm feeling weird about it. Just the idea about him with another man makes me terribly upset.

Comments?

Well, I have found over the years that the hand has no remorse, once you get into it, your mind will be on the subject at hand, literally.

First off let me say that I'm sorry for your breakup. Being close friends and trying out a relationship can and often times does end messy when it ends.

I personally masturbate a lot when I'm angry or upset. It puts me in a much better mood. Did I masturbate when I was younger and a boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me? Hell yeah. Did I feel bad about it? Not one bit. Why? Because well, we broke up for a reason. Generally for good reasons. If I felt that there wasn't a chance at us getting back together, then I went ahead and took care of myself.

You shouldn't feel bad for doing this. You also shouldn't feel bad for watching porn. My biggest flaw with relationships when I was younger was putting emotional value to too many materialistic things or something as simple as a tv show, a video game or a particular song.

Don't let this break up ruin porn for you. Don't think about your ex POSSIBLY doing it with someone else, think about the hot piece of ass that's fucking on your screen for YOUR pleasure

Things will get better, Darlin'.

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I had many similar feelings after my ex GF & I broke up. I often pictured her when masturbating, and had to fight like hell to get the image of her with another man out of my head. But not once did I consider not masturbating. It provided a relief not attainable though any other means.

Yes, it's gonna hurt. Yes, you're going to think about him. And yes, with time, it will get better. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to talk to us. I think you'll find it helps to get your feelings off your chest.

Go for the masturbation. It will take your mind off of things for the moment at least. There are some good web sites for free porn to help get you cumming. When ever I have been down in the dumps or had a bad day I'll masturbate and feel good afterwards. It even helps me sleep better at night. If I can't get to sleep or wake up and can't go back to sleep I'll masturbate and it puts me right to sleep. Go ahead and doing you won't regret it. Soon you will find someone else. There is always a reason for things to happen and someday you will be able to look back and see. Hope these workds help. You will come out of this ok.

Thank you all so much for the input. I feel a bit better. Mittimer: you said "Don't let this break up ruin porn for you. Don't think about your ex POSSIBLY doing it with someone else, think about the hot piece of ass that's fucking on your screen for YOUR pleasure." I appreciate that very much. Because of personal reasons and a recent serious surgery he's not having sex or dating for at least a year, so that is some sort of solace, as picturing him with someone else kills me. It physically hurts. And thinking about that hot piece of ass on the screen helps. I've downloaded some more, and different, porn to sort of spark me up again. The only problem now, besides another problem which I'm going to make a separate post on shortly, is that I've only been able to cum a few times since we broke up on the 9th of August. I was at a point in our relationship that porn just didn't cut it. Only HE could make me cum. Transitioning back to porn doing the trick in no time is obviously going to take time. Prior to dating Jacob I hadn't dated in at least four years, so the idea of finding someone else just frightens me. I can't consider that right now. I know in time that will probably change.

Again, thank you all. You have really helped me feel better about things. I don't have many friends these days, ergo I don't have many people to talk to about this, especially the sexual points.

You're quite welcome, hun.
Anything we can possibly help with, don't hesitate to ask.

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Glad to hear things are going better for you!! Keep your chin up.