Should i stay a virgin?

Mittimer · 09-27-10

It's not about us liking you. None of us dislike you. You come to an adult forum asking for advice, we give you answers. Some people are more blunt then others and you should be glad of that. Feel good that nobody is tip-toeing around for you.

As far as lying to yourself? Yes, that's pathetic. Just because you've had sex, out of wedlock with ONE person, ONE cock, ONE MAN doesn't make you a slut. Generalizing that about yourself is going to make you feel like shit and you shouldn't. You gave into human nature. Again, there isn't anything wrong with that.

As far as your morals? I'll be completely straight forward and say that you have a very slanted set or morals. Dancing around sex, not actually doing the physical act of what is defined as intercourse, doing everythingbut that one very act and then being up in arms about it when you do it? That's laughable.

Trying to make yourself feel better for what you were obviously going to do from the start isn't wrong, but lying to yourself to take the guilt off your shoulders is. There are so many things wrong, morally that you've done. I wont waste your time or mine by listing them all but I'm sure if you're really as bible bearing as you claim to be, then you can see them all.

Godiva, get over this, get past it. It's done. You had unmarried sex that you've been boastful about, you used a condom, hopefully, you plan to do it again. You plan to have sex..again with him, before marriage nonetheless. You're more worried that your mother will find out, not that God is going to strike you dead for having sex. It's not a big deal. It isn't. You were one of two consenting adults that do what human beings do.
We don't think less of you and neither should you think less of yourself. The only thing that "irritates us" is your attitude of "well if I didn't cum then it's not real"

It doesn't go away when swept under the rug, Godiva.

Either way, good luck with your relationship, good luck in your life with this guy. Always be careful, take precautions and if you decide to stay around, we'll be around to give you pervy advice on how to make things better.

Godiva · 09-27-10

You guys seriously don't know my life or my mother. She was raised by nuns. I do not think a god exists. I see no wrong in sex before marriage. But even when i wasn't haven't sex she assumed i was and made me feel dirty for hugging my boyfriend. She manages to really make me feel like shit and suicidal. I was suicidal in high school. She gives me shit every day about everything and this would be more ammunition.
I didn't say against my religion, i said against my morals.
I think it would be sweet if everyone saved themselves for one person. And i've said ALL my life other then the past few months that I'm waiting till my wedding night 100% and this is crashing down on me like a tonne of bricks (it's an identity crisis), i haven't stopped crying! This is a big thing for me, and mitt, i guess you have an idea, but I'm sure your mother loved you and treated you kindly. Mine does not. I was a recluse all my life, other then the past 2 years. I never left the house other than school. I didn't have any friends or job etc...my mother was my life. I don't care for her personally but how she treats me and puts me down does effect me. This is somethign i need to work through to not feel bad about. I'm confused and conflicted. i know logically i shouldn't be feeling this way but a lifetime of being raised to believe another isn't easy to shake off. i want to shake it off. I thought i did, but i didn't.
i know i have to work on this, i cannot afford counseling, but you guys being blunt is good for the honesty but it does sting and hurt me too at the same time. I'm shaking and crying typing this.
I don't see other acts sex (not intercourse) to be as bad simply because they don't risk pregnancy. The bible thought it lost "seeds" and well, a seed isn't a "seed" unless the sperm and egg unite, so acts on their own (self or helped with a lover) isn't wrong to me. Pregnancy is the sacredness, it leads to unwanted abortions, births...etc. I believe every baby should be wanted and loved from the get go. etc.
plus intercourse hurts and it's way more intimate than the other things...
I'm not bible bearing, i just value some of the logical ideals it has (ie, don't kill- that's wrong duh)
I don't really believe that it wasn't sex because i didn't cum. I believe it was anti-climatic for me anyway...and i believe that for most of it i felt either pain or not a lot, it wasn't that different to fingering, it didn't feel immensely different, but at an emotional level it was. Kinda weird how he went on and on about how tight i was, when i felt not much.

should i go elsewhere for my heart to hearts about my mentality, as this is a sexual forum not a counseling one?

i like avoiding things...eventually i forget them...and then it's gone. But i want to work through this, just at my slow pace...and the constant reminders of pain and different sensations, duller ones down there, don't help me to forget. No one said sex kills your pleasure. they should write that in the manual.

Mittimer · 09-27-10

My mother? Oh my gosh. No no no no no. We did not and still to this day do not get along very well. She's my mother, I love her, but I wish I could smack her upside the head once or twice.

When she THOUGHT I was having sex at 16, she flipped. She even went as far as to take me to a gyno to make sure I wasn't having sex.

At two weeks before my 20th birthday when I lost my virginity, I flat out told her "Yes, I am, I'm an adult and there isn't anything you can do about it. If you want me out of your house, let me know now"

My bluntness with her shocked her. She never spoke about it again. Now that I'm getting married she's gotten less...uptight about it.

As for you, Godiva.

You need to relax, you need to breathe and just...let this pass.
The act it over, it's done with. You can't change what happened and I don't think you want to.

A little bit of advice, sex the first time does hurt.. a lot. Sex the first few times, especially if spread out over long periods will hurt. It takes awhile for it to really start to feel good. Hell, I'm 21 and I know I haven't reached my sexual peak yet. I can't wait to get into my 30's or 40's when the good shit really starts kicking in.

Don't let your first time be what you think every time after that will be.

It's something that you're going to have to work on.

As far as whether or not you want to stay or leave, that's your choice. None of us are going to convince you either way. Just know with whatever choice you make everyone is going to give you advice that they feel you should hear. Not necessarily what you want to hear.

I think you should start a new thread with any questions of sexual nature that you may have. I'm sure you have a million of them swimming around in your head right now.

To add what you edited, sex DOES NOT kill your pleasure. I masturbated before I lost my virginity and masturbate still after I've lost my virginity. Your body just went through a HUGE change, it's not going to feel the same for a little while.

disneydad · 09-27-10

Godiva,
On the web you will generally find the answer you are looking for. You came to a sexual forum and if I may generalize the responses here, people told you get over your hang ups and have fun. There are plenty of other forums on the web that discuss sex from a religous perspective. They are easy to find. If you ask there you might get different answers. i'm guessing based on the fact that you came here that deep in your heart you want to have sex. If you really have religous reservations speak to someone in your church. I for one would describe my wife and myself as religous. Boy, was pre_marital sex great

When we were getting married we both discussed that maybe all that sex wasn't right and we spoke to a priest. His advice was essentially to get over it. He saw that we were in a loving committed relationship and told us that sex is a gift from God for loving people to share with each other. We weren't going to argue with that. If your hang up is about "sex" than wait until you are "making love" and then... go to town because, take my word for it, sex is really really really good.

Godiva · 09-28-10

Mitt- I'm feeling a bit better today. It's not that i'm being a child about hearing advice i don't want to hear, it just sounds a bit aggressive and i'm sensitive right now.
I'm struggling in making a promise to myself and breaking it. I'll just have to get used to it.

Why does sex take decades to feel good? I did have some pleasure but it wasn't as good as i thought it would be and it wasn't as bad either.

I'll start a new thread than. I don't like knowing that i've angered people but it seems i was sensitive in reading the posts and i'll try not to lie to myself and state facts so as not to further test anyone.

But i truly believe the hymen is what personally gave me pleasure, which is gone, touching myself feels awfully frustrating now...i feel like sex is the only thing now that can satisfy me. I'm really want to move out i'll feel a lot better.

Actually i picked this forum because it was the first search on google that came up under "Sexual" which to be wasn't merely just sex, all other aspects of being sexual in nature. Discussion and etc. But yeah, i signed up to a different one also and have been getting more answers there to help me out with this.