Should i stay a virgin?

Oops, my bad.

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A long term live in partner is entitled to the same rights regarding property and such as a married partner, we just don't have to go through a divorce when we separate.

Marc- I'm not so determined anymore. I have decided to not go to his house until i am in a better less randy state of mind, because atm i would definately jump him. But if i put my mind to it i can be VERY strong!

Trond- I didn't mention that the man shouldn't save himself for his wife also. He can give her that gift also. A 5 second gift .

I kinda see benefits in waiting...
health benefits (not as many years for contraceptives to be cycling in the blood stream, less cahnce of getting an STI, no abortions etc)
I can see the romantic benefits, to know that you only shared yourself that much with one man and knowing he isn't comparing you to any other women because he had none himself and he can relax that you aren't comparing him to the men before him.
It would suck if both partners weren't willing to work on making it as good as possibly and spicing it up with toys later on. The way i see it, the longer sex is put off the more exciting it will be with the partnet of choice! (because it will be something new, only experienced with them).

So i guess the gift would be health and not to worry about being compared, and being thought of as important enough to wait...but you could argue, that people who slept around, were gaining insight on how to make sex as pleasurable as possible for the other partner and perfecting technique- but practise and communication to that one chosen partner should sort this out wouldn't it?

HardRocker- I don't see a break up in future. I truely believe he is hte one for me, but i am young, and we havn't moved in quite yet. I'm taking it slow until i feel it deeper within me that we are perfect together after a long time of being together. I'm not ready to fly the coop just yet! And i understand that break ups are messy regardless if paper work is involved, and a broken heart hurts just as much-signiture or not. I've been a bit feminist my whole life and i don't like the idea of signing a contract...

cbrmale- as i said, if i have nothing to compare it to, and i just know that it feels good, and we try new things, i'd rather not know what i'm missing out on...then sleep with someone and have the best time of my life in bed, but be with a man who didn't understand me as well, or cared for me as much. I'd willingly compromise that. I mainly fear that i won't get enjoyment from it AT ALL. we're both very creative (especially me) and willing to do new things and communicate about what we like.

Most men always get some form of enjoyment out of sex, but I'm not sure about the female perspective and whether or not it's possible to get no enjoyment at all. If it's someone you have strong feelings for, or even love, then I doubt it. Sex is much more than intercourse, and as was quite rightly pointed out, you have already been having sex. My wife and I have sex every few days, and it sometimes it's a brief half-hour (say 10 minutes of kissing and caressing and me performing oral sex until she orgasms, then 10 minutes of intercourse, and then 10 minutes after). Sometimes we spend much longer, maybe a couple of hours, but intercourse will only be 20 minutes maximum. The rest is what makes sex special for us: to be close and intimate and enjoying one-another as it's meant to be.

My wife does get a lot of pleasure out of intercourse though, and the rest is not as important to her as the ultimate closesness which a couple can achieve. This closesness, this intimacy, and the pleasure that comes from it cannot be described to a virgin. But when you experience it, you will know what I am trying to describe. So you will enjoy it, so don't try to over-analyse what you don't understand and can't comprehend.

cbrmale, that was so well said! i just wish i had said that. You hit the nail on the head!

cbrmale- I've heard from countless friends that sex is painful and boring. They get nothing from it ever and are highly curious when i do eventually have sex if i would get enjoyment. I already am sure i would as i do enjoy touching myself, they don't do this themselves and that might be part their problem- so i can tell you, that it is possible for females to not enjoy it at all.

When he uses his finger and i get really worked up and i'm close and too wet, i can't feel a thing-literally no sensation at all, he might as well not be inside me. This is how i fear the whole experience will be. I think if you loved someone you'd still want to feel *A* sensation. BUT i agree from an emotional stand point it would be very enjoyable. I'd at least want HIM to get off, he says i'm tighter than his ex, but that might just be because i'm a virgin. I am scared i'll be loose afterward and he wont even be able to cum. I'm quite certain this wont happen as i happen to turn him on very...very easily.

Thank you for sharing your experience with sex.

I am the type of person that worries too much and thinks things way too thoroughly, and changes her mind all the time (hey, i am woman!) but, i do like to be sure and know what i'm in for.

I can tell you that i'm looking forward to it with only a small amount of apprehension. I'm just seeing when would be a good time to do the deed... I don't know when i'll have a chance to go to the doctors on my own (my mother wouldn't take me while i got contraception of course). This could be a while, i might have to wait till i move out, which is actually preferable. I like the idea of being with him an entire year before letting go, it would make it worth the wait more than succumbing to it out of animal instinct i would feel. He keeps saying he wants to wait longer, he feels i'm rushing into it because if i had my way i'd be there now...haha.

Take pride in the fact that i'll let you know exactly what i think of it afterward

I am in a funny place with him at the moment...so, i wouldn't want to use sex to fill in the hole...(bad phrase)...but it seems as if that's what i might be doing. I'd like to fix it first and then sleep with him.

Thanks everyone, i think i got all the answers i wanted.

I understand the painful and boring part, because I think some young men aren't in tune with the needs and desires of young women. The painful part comes from attempting intercourse when a woman's not yet ready, whereas for a considerate lover, ensuring a woman is ready for intercourse is the best part! There is a lot of information available about good sex, so I suggest you and your partner read online, or buy some good books, and then practice what you learn. Then it should be good or great, although maybe not the first time. In any case, being informed and practicing is an enjoyable journey, which starts good and gets better.

I think anyone who says, "wait until marriage for sex" is living in the past, or is a Muslim. With all the forms of birth control that are available now, there is no reason to not enjoy sex prior to marriage. And you really should have sex before you get married to that person so you know if they are the right one for you. It's very possible you will be unhappy with your marriage if the sex isn't up to your standards.

cbrmale - i got really excited to give him his birthday present but unfortunately he developed an illness which we are not even allowed to kiss or touch till it heals (will at least take a month or longer)!!!
So i guess i can wait longer
outofmymind - that is my greatest fear. We've done everything else and there is definite room for improvement there, just been so long (months) since we did anything REALLY sexual without clothing and i miss it but am coping well! I'd really love to try before i buy, but if its GREAT then i'll regret not waiting- that is if i will marry. At this stage i think it is likely that in 2 years time we can both wait and love each other enough to sort it out, he's assured me he will try anything to make me happy and he definitely shows diligence (eating me our for at least an hour, that's what it felt like so it was probably longer!). He's not hopeless, i just think i get "stage fright" because of my past. (religious upbringing and being sexually assaulted)

Ok, so...it was his birthday, and i've been stressing out WAY too much about it and managed to jedi mind trick myself, and i ended up accidentally having sex with him. (even though we had contagious skin conditions and couldn't even kiss, though i couldn't help but kiss him goodbye anyway)

There's your update. I'm willing to try sex more, but i think i'd like to wait until we're engaged at least, just so that we live in the same place and my mother wont find out. It was a giant weight lifted off my shoulders and i truly for the first time feel satisfied. That's what i wanted. I don't feel horny anymore, and it's such a relief!!!!

He lasted 3 hours....trust me i am more shocked, the man has fucking control!!!!
We tried for round 2 but he was chaffed from the foreplay and couldn't get it hard enough, sure enough later in the day at my mums place, he managed to get quite excited and we were both pissed off.

It REALLY REALLY hurt, for a good 20 minutes, then it felt pretty mediocre (i couldn't even tell it was in most of the time)....i'll admit there was one position that felt really good, but nothing dissimilar to fingering, i more appreciate the closeness, i already tried 7 positions, lol. Yay, thanks guys, i do feel a bit guilty and wrong and dirty, but not as much as i thought i would (because i didn't come i don't feel like its "proper" sex) but i'm more scared i got pregnant even though we used a condom.

That's it!
I don't think i'll share more detail...

...how can you ACCIDENTALLY have sex with someone?
Just because you didn't cum doesn't mean it wasn't "proper" sex. It was sex nonetheless, don't try to convince yourself otherwise.

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I've actually heard some of my friends say this before. It's the kind of moment when I try to look understanding instead of laughing and smacking them in the head.

Women have been having sex for millions of years without cumming. They have conceived without cumming, but they all had sex. You have been bullshitting around the subject here looking for validation or something since June. So next time you accidentally have sex, see if you can teach him how to help you accidentally cum. Some lubricant might help prevent chafing.
If he was wearing a condom, you most likely didn't get pregnant, but still keep an eye out for the signs.

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Ok by "accidentally" i meant that it wasn't planned....so it happened...unexpectedly. So that is the right word. There was nothing accidental at all, took a while to figure out the right place and angle of insertion, so that meant it was definitely not an accident, we tried to make it happen. Sorry! ha Bad choice of words.

and yes i am making excuses, i know it IS infact "sex" but i would like to say it that way to myself, i know I'm lying to myself but i like it that way. It makes me feel better and less of a slut- i dunno how but that's how i'm playing it. Not saying that those who have sex are sluts either. This is just my own view of myself.

I'm getting the impression you guys don't like me here, so i'll just not return to the forums, thank you all who gave me advice.

I truly meant no irritation to you guys, sex for me is just something i deeply yearn for while having sex out of wedlock is conflicting with my morals and just because you don't share my morals also, doesn't make me pathetic, dumb, or below you.

We don't dislike you, it's just that you have an unusual way of working your sex life. Sorry if I sounded blunt, I'm just in a blunt sort of way tonight. You are welcome to stay with us.

New member? Welcome to SexualForums.
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