How difficult is it to leave?

I'll ask again John......
Does she want you to leave?....or is she content to go along with things the way they are?
Maybe she is just as afraid of change as you appear to be?

Oh', another thing.....family business or not, after that many years....at the end of the day, you should still get your entitlements....it's the law.

Family or not, if you are unhappy that is a sign that it's time for a change. You will be a better father if you are living the contented life you long for.
Too many people stay in dead relationships for a multitude of reasons, but at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own happiness.

I may be younger than you, but take it from a girl who mustered up the courage to leave two dead-end relationships: had I stayed in either one, my life simply could have not moved forward and I would have stagnated as a person. I am now with the love of my life and my only regret is that I did not leave those unhappy situations/partners much earlier than I did.

Best of luck to you.

@johnnyangel694u
You have to own the relationship. Lay out all your cards to your wife. She has to be fully aware of how you feel. Maybe by you opening up to her, she will feel more comfortable about opening up to you. Maybe you've done things you didn't even know you did that hardened her heart towards you.

Take responsibility for the part you've played. It's comfortable and safe to play the blaming game. In the end you victimize yourself and demonize your wife. In fact she may be relieved if you tell her you are thinking about divorcing.

You're 50. You're not getting younger. Not acting is sometimes a lot worse than taking a wrong action. Material things don't make us happier either. A house, food - these are important, but as the good book says 'Man cannot live on bread alone'. Where there's a will there is a way. Look into it before you decide anything drastic. Perhaps a family member can put you up for a while.

Life-changing decisions are scary, but once you take that first step to extricate yourself from this soul-destroying situation, you will find you have made the best choice for everyone involved. Yes, you will appear selfish to certain people, yet others will understand your need to get out.

Things in your life have to change: whether you leave your wife or improve things with her.

Don't just imagine you live this life once and it's over. Nietzsche had this awful anecdote that when we die we are reincarnated into the same body and same life and you will live that life repeatedly forever and ever. Treat this life as though it's the blueprint for all the other lives you will have.
I know it sounds ridiculous and far-fetched. I don't believe it at all myself, but sometimes pretending I believe it makes me take drastic life-changes that I would otherwise be too inert to take.

My life has changed a lot over the years - new jobs, new countries, new relationships - and while I sometimes I am nostalgic for the old, I have never regretted any decision I took that I knew deep-down to be healthy for me.

WOW!! I thought I was reading a thread written by me!!
I know how you feel....Im in the same boat.
I dont have any advice.....you have to do what makes you happy.
What works for one doesnt/wont necessarily work for another.
I wish you the best.

How are you both (johnnyangel and luvbug) dealing with things now in your own separate relationships?

I am still living day by day pretending everything is fine. Just as confused and lost as ever. Oh well!!!!!

Welcome to High School!!!!

I take it day by day. My daughter is my first priority.

Im with johnnyangel.....I pretend everything is fine. I dont know how else to get through it. *shrugs shoulders*

Ok, here I am. Don't know if JA is still here, but here is my 2 cents.

If you are not happy leave. It is true that you have been singing this tune a long time. Everything you say is the truth, because we have chatted for hours and you have a consistent story. If you are not happy, leave. I did. It was hard. 13 years, erased. I had to pay my own bills, take care of my child alone, worry where the next meal or tank of gas was coming from, but I did it. Why? Because I was being disrepected and I was sick of it. Am I happy, not really. It takes years to recover, but I do know that being alone and being self-sufficient is better than being with someone you cannot love. Your kids are out of the house.....do it. It will hurt, because you have been married so long, but give up the material shit and try to make yourself happy.

I know what I have to do. I just can't do.
Miss you, FC

Welcome to High School!!!!

i am 37 and in the same boat, we are to the point where we fight everyday and talk about divorce almost everyday but we stay together for our daughter and the sex.... no good

well the sex is great but situation is not.

If you can't get along and/or hate each other how can you have sex? That doesn't compute in my mind.

ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM !

Not having been in the situations described her, not sure what to say. If you are really no more than roommates, have you thought about an "open" marriage? Now that the kids are basicly out of the house, move from a marriage to a business arrangement. You could keep up appearances but get the affection you need. Definately not an ideal situation, but maybe a stop gap measure. Sure my wife and I hit a bump every now and then, but we immediatly hash it out, find a mutual solution, and get back on track. Like even a small infection, if you leave it untreated and let it fester, it can kill you, and often a small bandaid just hides the problem. It sounds like it's too late for you to get back to a healthy marriage, but in the future, confront and fix the problem early. It's easier put up a front like everything is fine, but you have to be brutally honest to make things work. If she asks if an outfit makes her ass look fat, if it does, say yes. Put your cards on the table all of the time. Not always pleasant, but better than a divorce.