Virgin- non tempting alternatives to sex

Hey guys,

I'm new....and a virgin. Heres the introduction and back story to my question. I'm waiting till after marriage to have sex which is in a year and a half.

I used to be so so strong saying no. I've had hundreds of opportunities for sex which i turned down, because despite my insane sex drive, i just wasn't IN LOVE enough to really want to...

But since i found THE ONE I'm surprised on how HARD (punn intended) it is for me now to say NO!

What are some things i can do to release some sexual tension but not even tempt me to try sex for the first time prematurely for me? I don't have the opportunity to be intimate with him except for once a month when i go to his place (i live with my strict religious parents still) and when ever I'm there its weekend marathons of trying to break the record for amount of times i make him orgasm with my hand, body or mouth... and he tries the same but i'm hard to get off...it's only happened 6 times but WHAT FUN that was! *faint from awesome*

We are moving out together in a years time, and i want to know what i should do then also, as i'll be around him all the time. I really don't want to give in early but i want to relieve some tension since sexuality is a big part of who i am.

Atm i send him dirty texts and photos which gets him worked up...and when his over i'll whisper in his ear...and pash him deeply and passionately...and touch under clothing...and move in suggestive ways over his lap. I'm a major tease without meaning to, i just have the burning desire to be intimate but i have to expect my mother barging in the room any moment also!

I think about sex ALL the time because i can't have it! Nothing satiates my hunger....except sex, i assume. Please help me make the next year and a half not a living hell!!!

P.s.- i get myself off 2-4 times a day. my most has been 7 and i only stopped because i felt dirty and greedy.

I'll refrain from jumping in until some others have replied, but I just wanted to toss in a thought or two.
Your profile says you are not sexually active. You are kidding yourself. You are having every kind of sex except his penetrating your genitals with his penis. You're even having oral sex, giving each other orgasms... I hate to break it to you, but you are very sexually active.

That's really not a healthy feeling about sex, at least the "dirty" part. Well worth exploring.

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I wasn't sure if it meant sexually active as in penatrative sex, ill change it now, thanks.
I feel dirty because of my religious beliefs and upbringing. After I'm married that will go away I'm sure.

I wasn't sure if it meant sexually active as in penatrative sex(wouldn't people who masterbate be sexually active!), ill change it now, thanks.
I feel dirty because of my religious beliefs and upbringing. After I'm married that will go away I'm sure.

Eta- I can't change it on my phone I have to do it on my computer tomorrow.

I guess you're right, masturbation would be technically sexually active, but its widely accepted to mean something you do in lieu of sex with a partner. We're splitting hairs between definitions and perceptions. No need get into a discussion of semantics, I was more concerned that you are being honest with yourself. That's the most important part of the big picture.

As far as the dirty feelings, you have been taught what your parents and church believe, however as you come of age, you decide what you believe reality really is. Keep in mind, not all, or even most, theologians believe sex in a loving relationship is dirty or dependent on the laws of a particular land.

There are some wild and scary interpretations of religious writings all over. You may have to seek sources from many points of view to come to a comfortable place in your own beliefs and what you want your children to learn. As far as masturbation, you are fulfilling a physiological need created by the chemicals you are made up of. But as with all things, moderation is the key to balance. No need to dwell on those dirty feelings that were taught for the sole purpose of controlling your actions. Use your intellect instead.

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No need to feel dirty about it. AS Hr said - you are filling a physiological need.
There is nothing biblical that indicates that masturbation itself is a sin.

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

Yeah i know masturbation isn't bad, back in the day they thought it was using up "seeds" so it was bad because you waisted a life each time, but this isn't the case so i see touching ones self is NOT bad. Or dirty, but definitely something you don't want your mother to walk in on! haha.
I did used to feel reallllly guilty about it though, but now that i don't i just do it nightly without feeling bad, though sometimes i do still feel a bit bad, i don't dwell on it.

What could i do with my partner that won't tempt us but still satisfy our need so we don't feel as if we are neglecting each others needs?

Yeah i find once a day or most days is perfect for me, but the more i find myself thinking of how close (yet far) the wedding is the more excited and one minded i become so I'm servicing myself more often these days. (i have multiples hence the frequency, it's usually all in one sitting)


Whats something we can do that won't tempt us but still satisfy us.
I'm not sure for him but i only ever nearly cracked when he held himself at my entrance without pushing down. I could have easily pushed down (i was on top) but i didn't.
And when i glide his member i sometimes have the urge to put him inside me but i can control it but it's best i avoid this i think.

That just leaves oral and hand jobs i think? Is there something i'm missing? What haven't we tried?

Just curious why you have to wait that long to get married.

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

Because i don't want to rush into things! We've been together only half a year!
I want to make sure i make the right choice! And i want to see how we interact when the 'honey-moon period' is over.
2 years is not a long engagement. In my opinion it is too short!

Godiva, I think you are doing about all you can. You're really pushing it by having genital contact, because only one quick moment of weakness is all it would take. As horny as you are, it would probably slip right in before you realized what you had done. Pulling back then may very well make your heads explode. Maybe try to step back a bit with that contact, and just keep rubbing it. That's the trouble with sex; we are hardwired to crave reproductive actions.

If you do continue with penis-vagina touching, be sure he wears a condom. You can use a female condom for yourself. That may be even better because they seem to be a real turnoff. That's why you don't hear much about women using them.

My recommendation is to go no further than mutual masturbation. And I think I understood you to say you were giving each other oral sex, so that is a huge help.

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What do you suggest would also help lower our drives too?

We spent 3 days together with the rule to not touch below the belt, and by the end of the second night he touched me outside my clothes (consented) and the third night he went under my clothes (also consented). We tried saying random words like "lamp, table" so that he wouldn't get worked up ( i know we're funny!) and i made no movements or wriggles to help him not get aroused (he can easily slip his hand out if a parent decided to barge in, but you can't hide a stiffy that fast!) I can control my mojo more than him.

I agree, we always use a condom if he is anywhere near me and even for oral just to make clean up easier.

How would our heads explode? haha

We made a rule were one of us is to always at least have underwear on if we are at his house, so one of us gets a release at a time and we aren't tempted to worse things.

I just feel the need to "Shake things up". I have a feeling there is something I'm missing here? I should probably give him a strip tease . I love seducing him.

I enjoy dry humping too!

I find that he gets relieved after sexual release, but i just get more and more hungry for it.

How can we work ourselves around this situation. I'm at a very bad stage where I'm very weak. I haven't been visiting him, so none of us is getting any...just getting worked up and blue balls. Poor guy

I hate this but i can't trust myself anymore at his. What can i do to make myself want sex less?

I keep servicing myself 4 times a night and the number increases....to the point where i have so much muscle cramping all day from tensing up for so long...I hate this!!! I'm almost giving up and i just need some suggestions!?

Oh, just FUCK already!

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Damn, with all the things you do to tease him I am not surprised he is always ready and you are feeling the need. You have me hot just reading your posts. There is nothing else honey but to consumate the act. You do not mention age, but when we are young, it is a primal need to have sex. And masturbation is not dirty in any way, it was a gift to us to release all of lifes pressures as well as feeling good. The way you tease this poor guy yet are putting marriage off for another year or so, I would be surprised if he is still there, he is only human after all. If he is "the one" you don't need a two year engagement, you are driving each other nuts!

What I don't understand is that in another post she flat out says "I'm against marriage and I don't want kids (Ever)"

But yet she says she doesn't want sex till marriage.

What are you REALLY waiting for?

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