Virgin- non tempting alternatives to sex

If I made you feel bad, then I apologise, that was never my intent. I think it is your mother that has you so screwed up. The quicker you are away from her dominating you, the quicker you will get your head screwed back on right. You are riding an emotional roller coaster. I really think seeing a therapist would do you a lot of good. You need to shed all those guilt feelings planted by your mother.

The beginning of the Christian view of sex as being evil comes from the writings of Paul of Tsarsis, who is considered to be either asexual or a repressed homosexual. His concepts were then used to build the theology that man was made in God's image, and therefore close to divinity. Sex is an animal-like pasttime, not befitting a divine creature like man. So the best alternative is to never have sex, but if you cannot reach this divine state, then sex must be for procreation only. Those medieval Catholic theologians literally would have had humankind die out, if they had their way!

The majority of non-Christian societies see sex in a whole different light.

I think the most enlightening journey is to explore the source of Western sexual morals and values, and compare those to other parts of the world not influenced by the West. That way you can scrape away all the prejudices, and see what humans are really like. For a guide, look at Polynesia, Tahiti before the arrival of Christian missionaries, or the Trobiand islands, which were never influenced by Christianity. Pretty much anywhere in the world enjoyed sex for the sake of pleasure and contentment, and marriage or procreation were the by-product.

The West is now more enlightened, thanks to those who have studied sex in other parts of the world. So for the majority, we now practice sex in a way similar to primitive peoples not influenced by Christianity.

igor- i've been told. Can't help my outlook really. I told this man on our first date "I'm going to marry you one day!" With 100% certainty. Hows that for positivity??

lucky - I've been told my mother has screwed me up also by many!
Just this week i had to sleep with my bf in a car because we went to a sleep over. My mother said "you just want to hug him all night" and she managed to make me feel guilty about wanting to hold my bf!!!! I don't know how she managed. My little sister stuck up for me saying "of course she does!". My parents never touch. Ever. Except when creating us and a few odd occasions. Religion sucks!
You didn't make me feel bad, you made me feel bad about what i was doing to my bf. Teasing him. I felt bad to put him in that situation. you just made me realise that. I had a big discussion to him about it and he insisted begging me that the blue balls was worth being able to touch me once a week rather than never touching me at all.

I'll definitely see a therapist if i need to and it's free...later when i'm rich. Right now, i'm quite poor! (hence why i still live at home!)


cbrmale- I see your point yes.
I think so long as one is responsible it is ok to have sex.
But i also think that for me...while i might want to try it out with many people for sheer curiosity, i think i'd be happier in myself if i only did the deed with one person, whom i truly loved.




The main cause for my concern is that my boyfriend is excessively thin... everywhere. And i've read that thicker is better. But going by measurements i seriously think it would be an issue for me to get any pleasure as i get VERY (too much!) wet all the time and i would literally feel nothing. It's about as thick as my 2 fingers and when i put 2 fingers inside me, and I'm wet, i feel NOTHING. I'd like to try sex with him to make sure i feel him in me at all. I'm not trying to be shallow, and i could be worrying over nothing, but i'm just voicing a concern and fear of mine.

I have read stories where the girl has said "OK you can put it in now" and the boy says "it is in...".

I don't want that to be my whole sexual experience.

I'd also feel bad if we had to resort to dildos or only using certain positions (legs closed) to feel him inside me. He also has a bend, i have no idea how this interferes with sex if at all. His ex said it caused her pain but he said she was lying. I don't think why someone would make that up? I just want to know that our bodies can give each others pleasure and not pain and frustration. Since sex is a main cause for divorce/break ups. So is money. That's the thing we want to work out before marriage- since weddings cost money, if we are to have one anyway.

At the same point, making love wouldn't be an issue on the size, because it would just be an intimacy thing, and not a pleasure thing. But ideally i don't think it's wrong to want and prefer to get off from sex.

I also hate the feeling of how close he gets me to orgasm and i clench my kegels and it physically cramps and hurts how hard I'm trying to feel his fingers inside me- and i just cannot cum. I worry that I'm not tight enough. I don't want this to be sex for me because it would put me off sex and i wouldn't bother with it and it would deteriorate us since we both have a high drive.

Judging by this statement, you are ALREADY having sex! Fingering, sucking, orgasming IS sex. Godiva, if you are at this stage of intimacy then just do it and get it out of your system. What you are doing now is hyping how the 'real' sex is going to be in your head, and you are going to be in for a huge disappointment when you realise that, although it's good, it's nothing earth-shattering.
If you indulge temptation now and again, you soon get over it. If you keep denying yourself something that is relatively harmless and makes you feel good, it will spill out in uglier ways.

yes i know these things are sex, but a penis is bigger than a finger...i know it will feel different. And i'm almost positive i'm going to be dissapointed. Regardless, i won't get over it. I've been tending to myself daily for as long as i've been sexually mature...lol. I just have a high drive.

I kind of have no where to do it though....and i need to get contraception sorted. But once that is done i think i will! I'm too excited to put it off...his birthday is coming up...(pun intended)

what are the uglier ways? I'm curious and confused on that!

This might be the wrong place for an answer to your problem. This place is all about fucking and you want to know how NOT to fuck. Me, I'd rather fuck and feel guilty, than not fuck and go crazy.

I was under the impression that this forum is about sexuality, not fucking...

and I'm not getting crazy...just really randy...(which is completely normal for me anyway)

Yeah right. You give blowjobs, hand jobs, and send dirty texts and pictures to him but you won't fuck him. That ain't crazy? Then you want us to give you altenatives. What you're doing isn't normal. Fucking is normal. Replying to this thread is crazy too....... so lotsa luck.

you're just jealous of my control ;P

sex is the only cure for wanting sex.

at least now i know...haha
*fail*

Hope it turned out alright for you in the end. If not then at least you didn't wait another two years to find out.

You don't seem as excited as you once thought you would be.
Was it worth it?

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Marc- i think i made the right decision, it was really, unexpected that's all. It wasn't what i thought, i now have a very "it is just sex" feeling. So glad i didn't wait, because it's not worth it.
Mitt- probably not worth it...because now i can't get myself off anymore. Breaking the hymen has not given me any sensation anymore, not sure if i didn't do it right but no one told me that self pleasure afterward feels like crap. I feel a bit robbed, i'll never have a decent orgasm again. I cried myself to sleep in the end.