Virgin- non tempting alternatives to sex

Well,I can recall being told ,"theres more to life than kicking back in the crib",back in Army boot camp.I don t know what your daily scedule looks like,either,& you haven t stated your age.Most people have to deal with the workaday world,too.Thought of a job,career?Schooling?Animal husbandry,if your on a station?
You never stated what kind of religion,I had a catholic ma,& a protestant pop.Sounds like youre getting lots of sex,but its not of a M/F,missionary type of sex,like President Clinton said,I did not have sex with that woman,while she gave him head all the time.
Religious people have sex to have children,not for pleasure/orgasms, in the catholic classical view.Old testament jews,it was a contract for life,& thats how women got someone to care for them,while its more of a male thing for men to marry for a steady sex partner,as well as for them to bear their kids & carry on their lineage,in a lawful,albeit religiously lawful /traditional way.Some Methodists teach girls to use sex massages from their teen yrs,to keep within church teachings,& not:"shame themselves,& their reputations".They had some methodists like that on Phil Donohue ,some yrs back saying exactly that,he was a american talk show host before Oprah.
I have a sex education text/High school stuff ,it says abstinance,& to masterbate if you can t abstain altogether,which you ve stated is your personal situation.
one website that sells sextoys,I got a tape from,it says women experience orgasm from clitoral stimulation,& rare is the case from regular intercourse.Maybe the G spot might be a exception.So,maybe ,youre setting yourself up for a letdown,& youre already at the summit,of being sexually satisfied.Most women Jill off with massagers,thru life,& thats why its the men that do the extramarital straying instead of women,besides ,statistically ,40% of women are dysfunctional ,& don t have orgasms with men thru conventional sex,I think it was stated in masters & johnsons.
So,it sounds like youre more fortunate than 40% of women,being orgasmic,count your blessings,even if it doesn t work out with men in general.
I ve one book called "Friends For Life",I liked it,its based on the premise that marriage is about lifelong friendship,with someone thats your life partner,& you can jill to keep satisfied ,thru out the rest of your life,if you can get along with your partner,a more religious point of view on marriage.Best wishes,my positive regards,whatever decisions you make,its your life,& you take responsability for any/all decisions you make///P.S.,do exercise,take up knitting,watch T V,get a pet,get a job,go to school of some sort,take up a hobby,a cause,...

You can not make yourself want sex less. It's estrogen running rampant in your body; testosterone in his. It's how you're made. Aside from surgery, you cannot change that.

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Ok...I know I'm supposed to be nice here, but what the HELL do you mean by that?

First , referring to %40 of women as "dysfunctional" is insulting to say the least.

and Secondly, are you saying that us women having the ability to fuck ourselves with vibrators and get off with a phallic like object while you guys don't have such a thing is a valid reason why you men decide to go fuck the first thing with two legs and a moist orifice?

Come on...

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@OP - First off, I'm not the religious type, so I'll shy away from any comments on an institution that tells you to suppress your bodily instincts. Ever notice that the "7 Deadly Sins" are ALL human nature? Just some food for thought...

Moving on.

HardRocker hit the nail on the head. You're already sexually active, honey, sorry to break it to you. Just because you haven't crossed the "Insert Tab A Into Slot B" threshold doesn't make a bit of difference. Oral sex is still sex - aside from pregnancy, it comes with the same risk factors, health wise.

@21852male - I'm going to keep this as snark free as I possibly can.

The fact that a reported team of sexologists saying women not having an orgasm as a sign of dysfunction is ludicrous. I'm assuming you're getting this tidbit of information "Most women Jill off with massagers,thru life,& thats why its the men that do the extramarital straying instead of women,besides ,statistically ,40% of women are dysfunctional ,& don t have orgasms with men thru conventional sex,I think it was stated in masters & johnsons" from either Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Inadequacy, published in 1966 and 1970, texts that are 40 years old. The worlds of sexuality, knowledge and technology has come a LONG way in 40 years. I'm sure this would've been accepted as fact in 1970, but now? I'd beg to differ.

Not to mention, you ever think that it might *gasp* be the man to blame? That perhaps women's sexuality, physiology, and mental accuity is a lot more complex then a "wham, bam, thank you Ma'am?" That maybe, just maybe we might require more food for though then some grunting and panting in the backseat of a car. Or a lab, in the case of Masters and Johnson.

And yet WE'RE the dysfunctional ones.

Wow, did I ramble...I think I did.

oops.

see : Female Sexual Dysfunction ,I stand corrected,for it says 43% of women have some degree of sex dysfunction,but you can round it off... Clic on female sex dysfunction at the start of this,& it ll take you there!This is the www.webmd.com site.
Well,I ve seen articles in just the past 2 yrs saying the same thing,so I went to web md for backup on this,being a reference source.I was a psych nurse type a few yrs,& took the same state exam R N s,& LPN s take to get their state license,while working as a unit trtmt & rehab specialist at the S FL St Hospital ,back in 80.They gave me a medication administration certificate,good only at state facilities./I worked adolescents division 15 mo.,among a few institutions in the Detroit area.

Women HAVING a sexual dysfunction disorder and BEING dysfunctional. Before gracing us with all of your statistics, you may want to actually think about what you're typing out.

Also, that doesn't answer where you gathered your insight on men cheating because we masturbate?

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CL- i wish it were that simple. I don't mean to be irritating...I'm just confused and i want some advice. I was raised a strict catholic. I'm somewhat agnostic now but i hold a guilt if i did anything before marriage. I was raised to believe sex is something only to be shared with your husband, i think it's also romantic. And responsible too. I wish i was brought up different, but i wasn't and now I'm feeling all confused...I don't want to marry too soon, or make a mistake and have bad sex forever...just because of a silly rule. I do however ideally want to have sex with one person. he will be my best lay (and my worse but shhh! )

lucky- i get him off though! it's not just teasing....
You guys are making me feel really bad now
btw the guy is the one stronger than me in waiting!!!! He WANTS to wait, he keeps begging me not to seduce him (because i know i can make him snap if i try). I am not 100% sure he is the one but i'm pretty darn sure!!! We just need to get our lives sorted out, then i can marry him when everything is set and we can support ourselves.

Mittimer- I don't want KIDS ever, marriage i am not so against!!! But i hate to marry so young (I'm 22). I believe that marriage will end in divorce, i'm a pessimist. But on the odd chance i'm positive it will work i'd be willing to marry. But if i decide that marriage isn't for me (commitment of forever scares me, i NEVER want a divorce, i'd rather die!) than i would have sex with him now and not bother about waiting. But i would marry him. Hence that is what i'm waiting for. A romantic wedding night. I think i came to the wrong forum to ask this...

28152male- catholic religion, 22 years old.
I do get g-spot, i can cum with out clitoral stimulation though, but i think it is physically possible through sex so long as he touches my button during as well (which he can do he says). He is my best friend. I trust him with my life. I love him.
It's true i have too much time on my hands, i only have a casual job. Next year i'm studying so i can get a REAL job. I have things to keep me busy, i should focus on them more instead of reading about sex (i'm just so curious and want to be well informed!) he lives far away so i only see him on weekends...which leaves me wondering all week...

hardrocker- isn't distraction something that works? I recall a stage in my life where i was very disinterested and didn't touch myself for months. Now i'm rampant!!! It's because of him...i blame him. I've had boyfriends before but i've never wanted to sleep with them. I've only wanted my current bf!

Squeak- i'm not religious anymore, but being raised that way i can't shake off most of it. I'm trying to get rid of the stupid rules though, yes...I'm still having a slight issue with touching myself, but baby steps. This has been a 3 year journey for me (i used to want to be a nun!!!!!).

Yes, i know i'm sexually active.



I'm sorry if i seem annoying to anyone on this forum. I was just looking for some advice. I apologize if i seemed repetitive or inconsistent (that's why I'm confused i have mis-matching thoughts!)

Thanks for sharing your opinions though. At the moment i'm leaning towards sleeping with him before any "wedding" of sorts as that has been indefinitely postponed/never will happen.

You say your parents have a shitty marriage. Did ya ever stop and think that's because they are sexually incompatible? Perhaps they'd be happier had then been able to try one another out in the sack before making a commitment that their religion demands be life-long.

Do ya wanna take the chance of history repeating itself?

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

You think you came to the wrong forum? No, there are dozens of "I'm a virgin and I want to wait what should I do" posts on here and various people have given their input to all of this.

You're getting frustrated and angry with us. Going as far as telling someone that they are making you feel guilty/bad over this.

It's not about coming to the wrong place, or talking to the wrong people. We as a community can't give you a straight answer when you can't give us a straight concern.

You flip-flop and change what you want on a daily basis and from post to post your mind changes. Your slightly against marriage in one, but want it in another, you want to wait for sex but you don't want to wait for sex. You tease and taunt him, you get him off, you're 'sexually active' in that you ARE partaking in SEXUAL activities. Like Squeak said, just because you aren't doing tab A in slot B stuff, doesn't mean you aren't active. In fact, some may go as far to say that you aren't a virgin anymore. Not everyone views vaginal intercourse as the deal breaker for not being a virgin anymore. Oral SEX is still SEX.

I'm getting married young. I'm 21. There are couples who've gotten married much younger then you and I and have lead long healthy marriages together and were together until the day they died. It's all according to whether or not you want to make it work.

Not a single one of us here can change your mind or give you the advice you want. What it all comes down to is what you plan to do. Is our opinion really that important to you anyway? Do you need a bunch of strangers sitting here judging you or telling you that you should or shouldn't wait? Isn't that just going to confuse you more? We ALL have conflicting opinions on the matter and that leads YOU to have even more conflicting THOUGHTS on the whole damn thing.

Instead of getting frustrated sit down and figure this out for yourself. Stop feeling bad about what you were born to do. Because that's what it is. We're born to live, fuck, have kids and die. End of story. You're animal instincts are telling you to be with this guy, then be with him. WHEN you do it is up to you. Whether you do it tonight or 5 years from now, that's your choice. Nobody has a gun to your head either way.

What I can say though, if the sex is horrible and that changes your opinion of him later on through the marriage, you're going to regret waiting. Because like you mentioned in another post, you'll be stuck because of some silly rule you're following. You don't want to live a miserable life. There is a BIG difference between dry humping each other above the clothes and full on fucking each other.

I think we all can agree here that a healthy sex life plays a big role in a healthy happy marriage.

You need to relax, you need to sort your thoughts out. You also need to stop teasing him and taunting him and getting him off. Yeah, this may make you feel bad but in the long run it needs to be said. When YOU are the one that's initiating sexual things and he's the one trying to tell you to stop, you're at fault for your own confusion. Maybe you should take his advice. When you put yourself in these types of situations the confusion, need and complete and utter DESIRE to just ravage him is only going to get worse. One day when you least expect it, you're going to cross that line where you can't turn back and you're going to possibly regret it. So instead of fooling around with him every chance you get, why not take a step back, slow down and stop. Watch a movie, go take a walk, go shopping together, do something.

Make this decision for yourself though..on your own. Not from what a bunch of strangers scattered all over the globe are telling you to do. You are the only one that matters with this.

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I kind of have to go with CL on this one.

If you're marrying just to have sex then this is a big no-no. I have Irish catholic relations who also waited until their wedding night, and to be honest not one of them has a nice thing to say about their partner.

Religious affiliations aside, we live in a glorious age that is relatively free of prejudice, moral sermonizing and religious dictates. For me this whole business of 'to wait or not to wait' seems very medieval. I also believe that if we curb our natural instincts to too much of an extreme they come out in uglier ways elsewhere in our lives.

Whatever your religion tells you, sex in itself is neither a good nor a bad thing. It just is. It can be fun and pleasurable, or it can be awkward and yucky. It really depends on what you make of it. 22 is a young age, but not that young. You are in charge of your body and your desires. If you feel that it's wrong religiously then you will probably experience guilt if you don't wait. However, if you decide to wait, then I recommend a lot of prayer and cold showers.

CL- it might be that, my mother hinted that my dad being slightly more religious than her STILL is guilty having sex with her. So they don't do it often at all ( i think it's every time they get tipsy from parties, which only happens every new year, that's just SAD!)
That is a very valid point. VERY. But i do know some reasons, my dad is just not chivalrous. He puts his family first, not my mother, and she holds that against him. I know the reasons but what you mentioned definitely plays a part.


Mittimer- I'm not angry with you guys, trust me. Lucky made me feel bad because he said i teased my boyfriend so it made me feel bad about that, not from what you guys are saying. I felt bad to be putting my boyfriend through this also.

Exactly! I flip-flop! It's because i'm confused, my mind DOES change daily. It frustrates ME that i can't make up my mind!!!! I'm trying to tip it to one side so i know what i want..hopefully your advice can help that . I only tease him when he is at mine as my mother doesn't condone anything more than kissing...so with the door closed we loose ourselves a bit, but can't go too far. At his house i let him loose to make up for all the "taunting".

I know I'm having sexual activities. But what I'm doing now wont get me pregnant. Sex is something i've never done, I'm under the assumption that it feels better than the things I'm doing or at least more intimate? Otherwise why is it such a big deal to the world? I'd love to give and receive pleasure at the same time, as well as the emotional bond it would create with us. I am a "penis in vagina" virgin, as well as i am a "i have never smoked" virgin as well as "being drunk" virgin... I have no idea how sex would feel, there has never been anything longer or thicker than his finger inside of me, and it is making me curious. Something is telling me sex feels better than just a finger. I'm curious and horny- a bad combination! haha. I want it. I'm not sure if I'll regret it if i just do it. If you weren't raised religious i don't think you can understand how hard this decision is for me.

I'm not saying young marriages don't work, but statistically they have a lower success rate. But i agree, it depends on how much the people are compatible and want to work on it.

I think your advice could change my mind. If i read someone say that they waited until marriage and can't feel a thing during sex then i'd be definitely more up for trying before hand! I do enjoy hearing wisdom, it helps me make up my mind based on what others have lived.

But we are humans, we have thought processes. I think it's our will to do right that sets up apart. We don't (usually) go up and kill people we hate. We have control, so i shouldn't do things purely on the fact that it will feel good. But i see you're point. It is natural. So long as I'm responsible with it, then it's all OK. Nothing is against the LAW at this point. Maybe against morals?

Exactly. I don't want horrible sex! I do think i've made up my mind that i won't be waiting. But i don't feel ready just yet. I want to be living with him when i have sex with him. I don't want to come home to my mother and feel guilty. I'm a crappy lier. She'd find out and then she would give me hell just like she gave my sister. Years of hell. I don't want to go through that!

No no, i think you misunderstood! When I'm at his house he is more than happy to have me touch him. Even at mine. He loves it! He does encourages me and i ask him if he wants me to stop. But at my house he can't get release...we could definitely get caught (people barge in my room all the time and my sisters room is right by ours). But i can't keep my hands off him and he can't keep his hands off me! He is all ok with this. Usually it's just kissing though...He said he'd tell me if he got too uncomfortable or randy.

I try to stop. You see...we "watch a movie" but he will start to kiss me...and then before we realize the movie is over! He loves kissing me and i love kissing him. We do talk, we do laugh, joke and have fun and go out to see a movie (where we can't touch! so this is good! but expensive...) We walk...we shop, we take photos... But in those moments, when ever we are in my room alone...we cannot help. It might be the fact that i only see him on weekends that make us miss our touch so much that we can't control but want to hold each other... After all we talk on the phone all week. And he is just as sexually rampant as i am. I, believe it or not, always try to make an effort to hold back.

Just last weekend i told him "don't kiss me. Just look at me, or talk to me, but let's not kiss". That lasted about 5 minutes where then he passionately lip locked me! haha I love him!

Thank you. You're right. It's my choice. I just usually turn to others for advice when I'm confused so that they may open my eyes a bit.

Thank you for what you said. I needed it.

When i lose it, i'll give you guys a detailed description
You might need to stay tuned a month or a year or 3....? We'll see what i decide!

Marcpatrick- Haha! You're post made me laugh!!!

Thank you. Sex wouldn't be the only reason for marriage, but i think for me, that i can be with someone forever without a contract neccessary...hence the contract would just make me not feel guilty about sex. Because it is "sanctified". Even though i don't even believe in this stuff any more why does it feel so wrong?!

But i'd rather feel a little guilty, at the end of the day, then be stuck in a marriage with BAD SEX!

So i guess it's decided then isn't it?

I was raised VERY religious lol. I was raised in a very strict Catholic home. I know how it feels to be told "don't do this, it's a sin" but there are times in our life where we just have to think for ourselves.

I understand waiting for the sake of not wanting to go through hell and right now, you are under your mothers roof. Mom's can sense these things. Lol. I swear, I lost my virginity to a boyfriend at his house. That VERY same night that I came home, my mother flat out looked at me and said "You two had sex didn't you" where literally all she had ever known was me kissing guys. Lol.

Mom's have that way.

I don't mean to be harsh with my words we all just want you to do what's best for you.

Good luck though with whatever decision you make. You're an adult and you know what's best in the end.

We'll all wait anxiously for that detailed description

Whether it be a week a year or 10 down the line lol.

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Mittimer - She used to give me lectures how giving head could cause cancer in my throat, but he is clear of STDs he got checked. lol, so i have a 1up on my mother. I told her i didn't do that anyway...She believed me (i think!!!)

She is catching me looking at "peculiar" web sites though (I'm trying to EDUCATE myself but she thinks that means go in her room every 20 minutes to make sure she isn't loosing her naivety!)

I think I'm going to be honest with her. Because if i lie, that is just 2 sins! Right?! lol. It wont be an easy road, but if it's after i've moved out she can't really do much can she? haha! *evil cackle*

Thank you for caring and wanting me to do whats right for me. Truly!

To be continued
!!!

If you go into the marriage with that attitude, it probably will fail.

ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM !