Question to the men here.

How did you 'train' yourselves to last longer during sex?

I've heard something about, masturbating until you feel you need to cum and then stopping for a while then starting again?


Also, does anyone have or have had the problem of losing an erection say when chasing positions during sex? My partner loses his if we change from one position to another, I think because it happened the first time he's become self concious about it and now it happens almost every time and sometimes after a few sessions even goes down when inside of me but that is due to exhaustion (since it's like the 4th or 5th time).

I've asked him what he thinks about and such and he says his mind is usually blank although he is trying to concentrate.

He was a virgin when we met, so he is still really new at everything which could explain some of it.


I'll/we'll appreciate any help.

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

That can help given enough time. It is easier (for me anyway) to do this when masturbating to easier control when to stop each time. Success won't happen overnight.

Yep - it has happened. Although I have more trouble with this during foreplay if she doesn't pay enough attention to me (physical stimulation). But part of that is due to age and medications.

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

Thank you, he's 23 so I don't think it should be happening yet. There are only a few ways that get him hard anyways, usually my last bloke would get hard just by touching me, being touched, watching me moan or something. My current one only gets hard if I'm constantly kissing him (lips) if I lick his cock from him being small and well on it's own, he says (when it goes small) that he's so turned on it frustrates him because well it should stay up if he's horny. I don't know how the connection works but i thought it worked like that too. Maybe his blood pressures low?

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Well yeah...you have to give it time to recover. 4 or 5x consecutively is a lot...most people won't be able to sustain an erection that long.

Yes they say practice m*sterbating until you are about to c*m and then stopping yourself for a moment right before ej*culation and letting the intensity cool off will help build up stamina. I agree with this...and the same can be applied to sex too...although the heightened intensity from sex is SO much greater, its tough to just stop...and can be annoying to the female.

Also, some positions (and he'll come to realize this with more experience) will make him c*m sooner...and other positions he will just be able to go and go for long periods of time without reaching ej*culation. For me, those positions are laying on my back with her on top, and also with her on her back and me with my knees on the bed straddled between her...but instead of thrusting with my body, letting the motion of the bed do the in and out...something about not moving my pelvis helps prolong things.

Thanks! Yeah it's not hard all that time unless he's not had sex for a week then he stays hard and cums in the same session 2-3 times, without stopping or going soft.

I understand he'll go soft quicker if he's tired, exhausted or had a lot of sex already...
but with the positions, I could just get into doggy and before he enters me he's gone small, he hasn't cum and is still turned on but it still goes down, which what frustrates us. We've managed to do doggy once, but second time, I didn't get into the right position for his length/shape and he fell out and then went soft.

Another time he was about to do me (where girl is on her front, bum arched up a little) and he went soft just as he was sliding it through the back of my legs. I don't think we'd even had sex yet, he tells me he's concentrating on not going small and I think that's what makes him go small, possibly.

I asked him about his blood pressure and that's normal, in case it mattered. He wants it fixed, he wants to be able to stay up even if I switch between being on top to him being on top, or being behind.

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Sounds like a mental "cock blocker" on his part. The way you are putting it, your partner already has it in his mind that he is basically finished and the blood stops flowing to his penis, causing him to go limp. It is also possible he may have a prostate problem even at his age. Maybe, just maybe he's taking a medication that's causing the erectile disfunction. He should talk to a doctor. ED is not an old man only problem. It can happen to any man at any age which is also something he needs to concider. I hope it is nothing more then him thinking too hard (no pun intended) about his willy not performing..

Thank you, me too, I'd hate for him to have that at 23 when he's only just started his sexual life =]

We're going to try slowing it down (possibly giving him a longer break, no matter how much both of us want it afterwards the first time) and see if that helps anything, if not then I'll ask him to talk to his doctor. It's only after the first time he cums, first time he's fine. Although cumming within 5-10 minutes because as the above posts say he needs practise which will come in time.

=]

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

I practice tantric meditation.

We shouldn't arm ourself for war, arms are for hugging

Sounds to me like maybe you're just overworking it a little.

I wish I could go 2 or 3 times without stopping or going soft at all.

I can relate to the mental thing tho. I don't really go soft, but I know that the more u concentrate on something, like staying hard or cumming, the harder it can be to do.

Maybe try doing it less than 5 times every time u have sex?

Kegel exercises worked for me.

Lol I like the way it sounds as if I'm pushing him too hard, we have sex as often as we want to, which means him too. I guess we're at the stage of relationships where you can't get enough of each other?

Anyhow, last time we had sex, we slowed it down, he even pulled out and teased me and then closed the curtains whilst remaining hard (rock) before continuing for a little longer then usual. It isn't usually the first time thats the problem, just 2nd and so on. I'd like to have sex more than once a session at least, even if it's only twice. We're going to see how a break or so of longer than 1/2 an hour effects him whilst obviously keeping me turned on enough to get there myself.

I also bought him a cock ring, who have used these?

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

What are these? =]

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Never used a ring. Kegels are where u exercise the muscles used to contract everything down there haha.

Women do them to keep themselves tighter too apparently, but I've never done any of it.

A break of a half hour should help him. That's enough for me. I didn't mean you're over working him, so much as his parts lol. No matter how bad u want it to stay up, if its done its done sometimes unfortunately...

I have tried rings, and they always either seem too tight to be comfortable, or the jelly type aren't tight enough to work. What I have found works for me, is if I cum during foreplay, then the second time around I can last much longer. Usually this is achieved by my fiance giving me head, using the anal vibrator on me, or from mutual masturbation. Sometimes during foreplay, I get so into it, that I just rub one out and cum on her pussy while we are working some toys. I think it is just a matter of finding what works for him, and is enough to keep you going as well.

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They are exercises for those muscles and can give you greater control. Here is a link with instructions for men: How to do Kegel Exercises - Kegel Exercises for Men